katty774 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'm having a hard time coping lately. I don't know why it is getting worse instead of better. I couldn't sleep last night and I just sat and cried. I miss him more than ever. I can't understand how someone can tell you they love you etc. and even ask you to spend the rest of your life with them and wake up the next morning and have no feelings for you at all. That is how it was for me. We went to bed and he cuddled me up so tightly and ask me if I would marry him and then I woke up and went to work only to have him call me that evening and tell me he was taking a job out of state. Wow what a blow. Now I am going on a couple of months without him and I miss him more than ever. We have seen each other only once since he left and that was very brief and we have talked on the phone but not much. I tried dating again but it only made me miss him even more. Unlike some people I don't really have anyone. I have moved away from my friends and family and now I am all alone. I think all of the lonliness hit me last night or should I say this morning 3 am. I am worrying about everything. All I have is my dog and now I am having to find a new place to rent and nobody has any places to rent here that will allow a dog. I don't know what I am going to do. How did my life get so messed up? I came to work today with swollen eyes from crying so much. I guess my main question is this? How come it is so much easier for one person in the rs to move on while the other gets stuck in what might have been? Thanks for being around for my pity party, I know I am just feeling sorry for myself but I can't seem to help it. I was viciously attacked a couple of years ago right after I got out of a rs and my ex was the first guy that I felt comfortable with bc I went 6 months after the attack not allowing anyone to touch me, etc. I practically lived under a rock. My ex did not know about the attack when we first got together, matter of fact I didn't share it with him until after we had been dating over a year. Well last night I relived that night in my dreams but for some reason my ex was in the dream. I use to have these nightmares all the time but they had finally faded away. Well now they are back and I have nobody I can talk to about this but my ex, and now here I am without him, didn't really need to talk to him about the attack it was just comforting to hear his voice or feel his presence after a night of these bad dreams. Fortunately they had left me and I had resolved all of my after effects of the attack before we got together. Now I am freaking out bc these scared feelings are back, why now? Why am I doing this now? OK by now anyone who has read this probably thinks I have lost my mind. Sometimes I feel as if I have. I am just very unhappy right now and I can't seem to shake it. Please help.
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I guess my main question is this? How come it is so much easier for one person in the rs to move on while the other gets stuck in what might have been? I think in your case location plays a huge role. He's moved out of the area and things are new for him. He has a new job. Meeting new people. Living in a new place. The changes he's been experiencing make it easier for him to get on with his life. You on the other hand have stayed as you were. You have reminders of him being in the place where you live. You have reminders all around you actually. This makes it much harder to move on. Now you have to leave and you're becoming nostalgic. He's on your mind heavy but it's not because you care more than he does or whatever. It's just the time you need to face it. So it's stirring up emotions. The dream you had would freak me out. Funny how he's now involved when it comes to your being attacked. I would totally think that it was my subconscious mind speaking to me. I know you aren't looking forward to moving out of your place but once you do I think the change will do you good.
Author katty774 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 thanks for your post. The weird thing is we didn't live together and we lived in two different towns to begin with. Even though we didn't see each other everyday we did talk on the phone everyday. I don't have a lot of things around here that remind me of him. I have to move bc I moved into a rental that was up for sale and it was sold. He has never been to the house I am moving out of. I will still be living in the same town bc of my job, but a fresh start would be nice. I guess you are right. He has a new job, new friends, new adventures and I am sure that helps him stay busy. I appreciate your input it was much appreciated.
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I will still be living in the same town bc of my job, but a fresh start would be nice. It'll be good for you to move to a new place really. You'll be walking your dog and you'll meet new neighbors. Plus making it into a home is going to take your mind off things. In all the things you said that make you sad, moving to someplace new would be totally viewed as a positive. Try not to make it seem like a hassle too much or you could take all of the excitement out of it.
Author katty774 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 You are right amaysngrace it will be good for me. I am just freaking out a bit because I have not been able to find a place. They are either way out of my price range or total dumps. I am afraid I am going to be living in my car. Giving up my dog in order to find a place to rent is not an option. I really love my dog like a family member and I am so afraid I will not find a place. I have all of my stuff except for the neccessities all packed up in storage for now. I am just worried about what I am going to do bc I can't find a place. Thanks for your posting me it really does help.
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