AreoGirl Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 My boyfriend and I are ready to start having unprotected sex, and start a family.. and everything is great except..... Should we both get tested to show each other we both have no diseases? I know I don't, and he says he knows he doesn't too.. that it was a year before our relationship that he had sex and was tested afterwards. Should I take his word or ask him to get testing done so I have proof? I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him I am sure he is absolutely telling me the truth. I have NO reason to doubt him. Can anyone help I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I am worried I am harping on this too much. I don't want to hurt him by making him feel I don't trust him. Should I just trust him?? I REALLY don't to create an issue that may bother him forever. or might seriously dent our relationship. Please ppl give me some advice!!
MikeC Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Honestly, in this day and age, it would be safer than sorry to get the test done. I mean, it isn't difficult. Besides, if it should be done at any point in your life, it would definitely be best to get done before starting a family with someone.
Author AreoGirl Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 That is true.. so true!!! The only problem is both of us already have been tested. I just am so worried hes going to be upset if i want him to do it again so i can see the results, i mean they might not even let me see them.. when I had mine done, i called and asked if my pap and hiv test came back okay and they said, yes, everything is fine. I didn't get copies of it or anything.. what if he thinks i think he would lie to me if i didn't see the results with my own eyes? Should I ask him to do it and then trust what he says? How should I ask him without making it sound like im accusing him of something? im so stressed about this, everything between us is sooo good and i feel like he is my soulmate. I really really don't want to insult him...
bab Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 when I had mine done, i called and asked if my pap and hiv test came back okay and they said, yes, everything is fine. You know that a Pap Smear doesn't test for STD's right? Some STD's if they are far enough along will cause symptoms that will show up in a standard pap, but there are a myriad that if not severe will not show up that way. Do you mean that you've had a yearly pap, or STD testing? FYI, they are different. And it can take up to 6 months for a HIV test to come back positive. If you are concerned about it, tell him that it isn't that you don't trust him and you believe that his test came back negative, but that you want a second set of tests, just to be sure that they didn't miss anything the first time. Obviously if the truth is that you don't trust him to tell you the truth, then you shouldn't be having a kid anyway.
Author AreoGirl Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Hi there, Yes i was also tested for STD's of course. I tried to mention above i have obsessive compulsive disorder.. which is why I am overly obsessed with getting a sexually transmitted disease. I know that there is probably no chance, but I worry anyway... I would like to have him test again I just am really worried about this. I think its a bit harsh of you to say "maybe you shouldn't be having a kid then". If I was a jerk who had no regard for anything I wouldn't care about all this. There is another factor I didn't mention, a family member of his died of AIDS and I am really worried he is going to think that I think he might have it because of that, which I DO NOT of course, and also, its a really touchy area for him. How would you guys ask him??? I know that with my OCD I am NOT supposed to get people to do things for me irrationally because it makes it worse, such as making someone open doors for me because i don't want to touch the knob (an example..).. I don't want to make him do something that is not justifiable or is unreasonable and is only because my OCD is demanding it.. you know what I mean? What do you guys think?
bab Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hi there, Yes i was also tested for STD's of course. I tried to mention above i have obsessive compulsive disorder.. which is why I am overly obsessed with getting a sexually transmitted disease. I know that there is probably no chance, but I worry anyway... Okay good, I just wanted to make sure you didn't think you were covering all your basis without actually getting the proper tests. I think its a bit harsh of you to say "maybe you shouldn't be having a kid then". If I was a jerk who had no regard for anything I wouldn't care about all this. You misunderstood. I said that if the real reason that you want him to test again is because you think he lied to you about the results, then you've got other problems and shouldn't be having a kid together. I think being concerned about STD's before conception is a wise move. How would you guys ask him??? I know that with my OCD I am NOT supposed to get people to do things for me irrationally because it makes it worse, such as making someone open doors for me because i don't want to touch the knob (an example..).. I don't want to make him do something that is not justifiable or is unreasonable and is only because my OCD is demanding it.. you know what I mean? What do you guys think? You are planning for this man to be the father of your children, then both of you are going to have to be willing to compromise. This is not an unreasonable request. Just say to him, "Jo, it is important to me that we both get retested, just to be on the safe side. I know I can be unreasonable with my OCD at times, but this has to do with the health of our child. I think it is the responsible thing to do."
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 How long have you two been together? My boyfriend and I are ready to start having unprotected sex, and start a family.. and everything is great except..... If you can't be completely honest and tell him BOTH of you should be tested again just for peace of mind, then DO NOT bother trying to make a baby. Last thing you need to find out is about a STD during pregnancy. I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him I am sure he is absolutely telling me the truth. I have NO reason to doubt him. Can anyone help Again, for the sake of planning of getting pregnant...He should understand. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I am worried I am harping on this too much. I don't want to hurt him by making him feel I don't trust him. Should I just trust him?? I REALLY don't to create an issue that may bother him forever. or might seriously dent our relationship. If he is aware of your OCD, then he has to deal with it and be understanding that at times you're going to get obsessive about things. Talk to him about what you're feeling. Sidenote but still important. Your OCD, have you seen someone to help you about it? Are you on any sort of medications?
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 There is another factor I didn't mention, a family member of his died of AIDS and I am really worried he is going to think that I think he might have it because of that, which I DO NOT of course, and also, its a really touchy area for him. STD's isn't just about AIDS. Don't (or try not to) assume that he is going to think the worst case senario here because you're asking him for a clean bill of health before getting pregnant. Are you two living together? Just wondering.
Sassy Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 He would have to get over it! If he is been tested and everything is ok than there is no need for him not to want to test again. I hate getting my blood drawn too! I wouldn't want to have sex with him unless we both were tested again. For everything again. When you get pregnant and if you contracted a STD you could pass it to the baby and cause major problems depending on what kind you have. Better safe than sorry. By the way if I was dating someone that didn't want test done I would be worried he might actually have something and not care to tell you. That is how HIV gets passed around. Good luck and if he isn't willing to get tested use condoms and forget having a child with him!
JCD Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 If he loves you then he will go thru the tests to make you happy. I know I'm clean and I would still go thru the tests for my g/f. All this is about is maturity and responsibility, imo.
Recommended Posts