yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'm not asking this question for myself. But a group of us were talking the other day and an interesting question came up with many answers. How do you know where your SO heart is? And how do you know for sure? Hope everyone had a great new year.
pricillia Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'm not asking this question for myself. But a group of us were talking the other day and an interesting question came up with many answers. How do you know where your SO heart is? And how do you know for sure? Hope everyone had a great new year. By the little things they do to show you that they care
WhisperingWillow Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 It's by the little things that they do. Actions speak louder than words. I was real sick awhile back and my SO put together a huge gift bag full of stuff. Like crossword puzzle books and, medicine, dvds, and other stuff. He also is always looking out for me first. I'm number one with everything else being number two. Of course we have separate things that we both like to do and that's healthy and great. I remember for my birthday he made me a cake. It was wonderful. Actions will speak volumes.
frannie Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'm not asking this question for myself. But a group of us were talking the other day and an interesting question came up with many answers. How do you know where your SO heart is? And how do you know for sure? Stethoscope..? ahem. How do I know he loves me..? Because of how he behaves, how he looks, how he's changed in the time I've known him. How he's gradually opened up emotionally and in other ways, become a happier person, laughs and sings where he seemed to be all shrivelled up when I first knew him. Because of how he unfurls and breathes out when we meet. Just little things, really. I don't know for sure what kind of feelings he has for his W, and there's just no way of my knowing. But there are indications, and they're good enough for me. Of course none of that means anything much in terms of how this will all turn out, but that's not what you asked
herenow Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 If the SO is a MM with an OW, his heart is in his own shirt pocket.
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Wasnt really directing the question in that direction. But I have to disagree with that statement. I believe that their heart is somewhere. It isnt with the wife because if it truly was then he would never even consider being with another woman. Im not saying all MM's heart are with the OW. But with some it is. If the SO is a MM with an OW, his heart is in his own shirt pocket.
herenow Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Wasnt really directing the question in that direction. But I have to disagree with that statement. I believe that their heart is somewhere. It isnt with the wife because if it truly was then he would never even consider being with another woman. Im not saying all MM's heart are with the OW. But with some it is. Sorry, I didn't mean to change the subject. I read the question wrong. I agree it's not with the wife. But, I don't think a man who still goes home to his wife, for whatever reason, can have his heart 100% with the OW either.
sadbuttrue Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 i think a lot of MM's hearts are torn between the two women. I do believe that they can love both women, in totally different ways though. you can not love them both completely in the same way, or you would not be cheating.
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 When he is divorced then he is 100% committed. But his heart will never be 100% with the OW. She shares it with the children. I am a believer that children come first. I would not have respect for a man who would put someone before his children. If that makes any sense. And im sure he will always care to a certain point about the W she is the mother of his children. She will never be completely out of the picture. Sorry, I didn't mean to change the subject. I read the question wrong. I agree it's not with the wife. But, I don't think a man who still goes home to his wife, for whatever reason, can have his heart 100% with the OW either.
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 I believe that. I think they care about their W. Because she gave them children. But I think if they love the OW, its more a passion love its a bond. That they dont have with their W. And they dont want or was never their with the W. They are torn with what to do because of the kids. ( I hope I made some sense - instead of rambling) i think a lot of MM's hearts are torn between the two women. I do believe that they can love both women, in totally different ways though. you can not love them both completely in the same way, or you would not be cheating.
sadbuttrue Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I believe that. I think they care about their W. Because she gave them children. But I think if they love the OW, its more a passion love its a bond. That they dont have with their W. And they dont want or was never their with the W. They are torn with what to do because of the kids. ( I hope I made some sense - instead of rambling) ysm, that is exactly what i was trying to say. the MM has this bond with the wife that will never go away especially if there are kids involved, but with the OW there is passion and a new kind of love that has been missing from the marriage. i think for a lot of MM it is hard to decide which love is the one that they should continue.
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey yousaveme ((((((((hugs))))))) Their eyes (the eyes are the windows to the soul), actions (actions speak louder than words)....and in their kiss....
silly susan Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 If the SO is a MM with an OW, then surely he hasn't got a heart, and if he has, its totally devoted to himself
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Hey....Your so right about that. Eyes are a big thing to me. You tell alot about how a person really feels about you when you look in their eyes. You will always get the truth that way Hey yousaveme ((((((((hugs))))))) Their eyes (the eyes are the windows to the soul), actions (actions speak louder than words)....and in their kiss....
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey....Your so right about that. Eyes are a big thing to me. You tell alot about how a person really feels about you when you look in their eyes. You will always get the truth that way The eyes don't lie, do they!!!!!
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 No they dont..... The eyes don't lie, do they!!!!!
sunmoon Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 yeah. Children can really change the way the MM handles the home situation. Mine has 2 small ones....but he seems like he is just waiting to get caught. I believe he wants to ,,to be honest. To him it would be easier then approaching his wife. Thing is people....It really all comes down to the "type" of person that the man is. Is he confrontational, spineless, passive, aggressive, etc...what kind of personality he has really determines how he will address it. I truely believe that if you wanna do something in life, you make it happen, you figure out a way to do it. Nothing is impossible.
Author yousaveme Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 With kids involved I guess everyone is different. if he wasnt concerned about the kids well fair i would have no respect for him.i respect the fact he is trying to what is best for them at the moment. we will have our time soon.
forbidden fruit Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 That comment is so what I need as I enter in NC. My mm keeps talking, but never follows through with action unless it is to his benefit.
peacelove Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 That comment is so what I need as I enter in NC. My mm keeps talking, but never follows through with action unless it is to his benefit. Maybe while in NC, he will ACT instead of giving you just words. Hang in there, ok. Peace
kymberann Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Silly Susan you have a valid point... But the older I get the less black and white I see and the more areas of grey keep cropping up in most situations. I think it is possible to love two different people in two different ways. As was mentioned an A with another woman/man brings something new to both people. Yess MM and W have a history, but sometimes that is all it is. Just history. But sometimes that is all it takes whether they truly love one another or not. I know my XMM truly cared at the time, but not enough. He would give me things, take into account my well being, say things, even iif it was meant to "lead me on". I know he didn't say them just to say them. When the R ended he told me he felt like he was cheating on two women. When he told me that, I knew he cared. Just not enough.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I have to say that I think where the heart is, is a combination of words, feelings and actions...and all three are interdependent on each other...
outofdarkness Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 i think a lot of MM's hearts are torn between the two women. I do believe that they can love both women, in totally different ways though. you can not love them both completely in the same way, or you would not be cheating. Yes, I agree with this post. I think it is possible to love two women at the same time. Mabey it would be in different ways, but I do think it's possible. Why do OW's and BS's always have to blame each other? Mabey love was in two different places at two different times..Not taking up for either side b/c I am a BS, but I would love to believe that it IS indeed possible to have feelings for each...
Author yousaveme Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 If there are kids involved they are always going to have some feelings being that is the mother of their children. Yes, I agree with this post. I think it is possible to love two women at the same time. Mabey it would be in different ways, but I do think it's possible. Why do OW's and BS's always have to blame each other? Mabey love was in two different places at two different times..Not taking up for either side b/c I am a BS, but I would love to believe that it IS indeed possible to have feelings for each...
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