marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 ok heres my scenario: i have a girlfriend of 2.5 years that has never been jealous of anyone. in october i ran into a female friend from high school at a bar. we chatted friendly like and exchanged numbers. not as a hook up thing but you now how people do all the time " hey gimme your number" , and then you never call it was more as a gesture. anyways we exchange numbers , she has a boyfriend that she is happy with, and who is standing next to us when this exchange happens. i go home not thinking anything of it. when i get home i tell her about friends from high school i ran into. no big deal. fast forward to december.... my and gf are in my truck and i hear my text message sound go off, i open it in clear view of her and see that it says its from "traci" in huge letters. i quickly close my phone acting like it ws nothing. she asks" who was that"...i say" it was my buddy joey" now at this poi nt i tuck my phone away and forget about it. i know it was dumb to lie for no reason, i dont know why i did. so we get to where we're going and i check the text message when she is in the restroom. it says "hey what u doin 2nite?" i reply" at a concert with gf" , she replies "cool im at xxxxxxx bar" i reply " cool have fun" and that ended any contact ive had from here. i quickly deleted all evidence from m yphone of the messages. so later that night we get home and as soon as we walk through the door she asks..... "who's traci" BUSTED i told her everything that ive just wrote and she says "let me see the messages then" of course i ant show her the messages, i deleted them. she ask"why did i delete them if they were no big deal?" at this point im at a loss,, i dont know why i did that. im not interested in this girl at all, in fact i wish she hadnt even texted me. i ended having to spend the rest of the night convincing my gf that there was nothing to it. so since this has happened she has asked me some really weird , off the wall questions. "who is that on your myspace?" "do you see other girls while im at work?" i have never cheated nor even thought about cheating on her. this was stupid mistake that i made how can i convice her that im not a cheating or considering messing around.
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Look her square in the eye and come clean with it all. Ask her if she'd like to meet up with Traci and Traci's BF sometime just so she can see for herself there's nothing between you guys. Ask her to please let it go. And tell her how much she means to you.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 For what reason would you hide it from her? Think long and hard about that question. You've now effectively lost her trust, trust that you will have to regain. Be consistent and patient with her but most of all, show her how much you love her.
Guest Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 SORRY about adding this in here but my exwife's name is Tracey and if my gurlfriend ever thought that I was interested in the x-w or her in me, all she would have to do is ask the xw and the sound of laughter would be the answer. my xw and i would never get back together under any situation, we both realized that 15 years ago - in fact, she is very happy with me been the dad to the daughter and her new man gives her the space she wants. its perfect for everyone.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 my and gf are in my truck and i hear my text message sound go off, i open it in clear view of her and see that it says its from "traci" in huge letters. i quickly close my phone acting like it ws nothing. she asks" who was that"...i say" it was my buddy joey" You dug the hole deep and now its hard to climb back up. You told a lie and it has made her lose trust in you. Put yourself in her shoes, if she did the same thing wouldnt you feel insecure also? Be patient with her and let her regain her trust for you.
Walk Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 What I suggest is you tell your gf (if you haven't already) exactly what happened. Then ask/tell her that all four of you are going to sit down and talk about what happened. Ie: traci and her bf, you and your gf. Call up traci in front of your gf, explain the situation, and ask her to meet up with the two of you somewhere. (coffee shop, or donut place or something.. not dinner or alcohol) I had an incident a year ago where my bf acted (in my opinion) inappropriately with an old female friend of his. She ended up with his cell number, and he got her home number. She was married. I still got insanely jealous. He tried to explain. It didn't help. I believed his explaination, but I couldn't shake that insecurity. Couldn't just let it go.. Anyway... since he had her number, he offered to let me talk to her. He was all set to call her up and hand the phone over so that I could ask her questions and express my feelings... he had no hesitation over it. I decided against it, but it put control back into my hands. Plus, I felt it showed that he valued my feelings over those of the other girl. He didn't care how she might have felt about me calling and possibly bitching her out, he wanted to ensure I felt comfortable, not the other girl. p.s. You were saying you don't know why you lied about the girl texting you and why you deleted it.. I have a male friend who calls once every 3-5 months and I still get all wigged out about it. My first reaction is to pretend he didn't call, and hide it. There's nothing to hide. I'm not doing anything wrong. I have no feelings or attraction to the guy. But I feel guilty about it because I really wouldn't like it if the situation were reveresed and my bf did this. Bf got really jealous one day because I wasn't entirely upfront about the guy calling. We got into a huge argument. It was bad. Now I tell my bf when the guy calls, I play any messages he leaves on the speaker phone in front of my bf, if I talk to the guy I do so in front of my bf. I suggest they hang out together, do my best to put control in my bf's hands, and keep everything in the open. Although I still get the initial "OMG, hide it!" feeling. It's not rational.
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 You dug the hole deep and now its hard to climb back up. You told a lie and it has made her lose trust in you. Put yourself in her shoes, if she did the same thing wouldnt you feel insecure also? Be patient with her and let her regain her trust for you. I am agree to "BlueEyedsarah" here.this post is perfect as a answer of your post.
IpAncA Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Yeah what you did didn't look good. Even if it was harmless it still didn't look good. Shouldn't have deleted the messages. Just tell her what you told us and she should believe you. Also like someone else said take her with you so she can met her and her bf.
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 You dug the hole deep and now its hard to climb back up. You told a lie and it has made her lose trust in you. Put yourself in her shoes, if she did the same thing wouldnt you feel insecure also? Be patient with her and let her regain her trust for you. I am agree to "BlueEyedsarah" here.this post is perfect as a answer of your post.
Walk Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Don't just explain. Show. Act. Prove to her it was nothing. If you've gotta delete your myspace account, call up traci and have her talk to your gf, whatever you have to do, do it. But if you just sit there and think she'll "get over it" then you're wrong. It will always be stuck in the back of her mind, and it'll come out anytime the smallest bit of focus shifts to another women. That nagging thought in her head that you lied about traci will slam back into the forefront of her brain. Patiences is great. Action is better in this case. Don't be lazy.
Author marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 thank you everyone for your input. WALK- your explanation is exactly what happened, i think it was a little guilt . What i did was trying to avoid any thoughts of cheating, when all i did was cause it. I offered for her to talk/meet her and her BF , she declined. Since this has happened alot has changed in our relationship. On Dec 30 she asked if could take break, i cant help but feel this had something to do with it. if you are intrested in the backstory, my post about our breakup is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108462/ thanks for everyone's advice but at this point i dont know if i can repair anything. i feel like this whole thing is going out the window over something so small.
IpAncA Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I read about what happend and I'm really sorry that had to happen like that. I hope your doing better I really do. After the 2 weeks is up then it's best that you both sit down and talk about stuff and not just about the whole "am I cheating or not" issue. Sounds to me like this is really on her and something set her off. Must have been the whole phone call thing. Don't know until you talk to her. I just can't believe after 2.5 years she would just end it like that. Were there any other problems besides her saying that she was bord?
Walk Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I read the other thread... My bet: She's attracted to another guy and wants to see where it'll go. That's why she was still acting like she didn't trust him months after he tried everything to prove he was being honest. She's probably been fooling around on him, and it's her guilty concious showing through. That's my bet. Most people don't just up and change their minds unless it involves a third party somehow. Otherwise, there's all kinds of arguing, and you know clearly where the problems are. Not just some vague "bored" reason. When it's vague and unknown, look to where the other persons attention is at. And you'll usually find another person hogging in on the relationship. Might be wrong.. but seems like that's usually the case in situations like this.
Valentine Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Simple Solution: 1.Say sorry 2.Meet up with traci
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