JustPlainTired Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I'm tired.... Tired of trying to plead to this man to give me another chance. Tired of trying to convince him that our relationship is valuable. Tired of trying to show and prove my love to someone. I'm tired of the tears. Tired of being sad and depressed. I use to be so happy. I never let a man get to me like this. I had a shell of steal and somehow he penetrated through and really got to my heart... HISTORY.... Were together for about a year and a half. He was great, I was not-so-great. We started a serious relationship fast. I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship and he was a wonderful breath of fresh air. I'm only 20, 19 when we met. We moved in together within the first month. I went into a phase that lasted most of our relationship where I wanted to hang out... be in the club, and talk to other guys. I never cheated or anything close, just flirty conversations. He would find out, and always forgave me. About three months ago I broke up with him and started hanging out with another guy. This only lasted a week when i realized that I wanted my boyfriend back. My boyfriend wasn't having that though. He said that he didn't want to go back and he doesn't feel the same about me. Since then I decided to prove to him that I have changed and really want to work on our relationship. I've be as close to perfect as possible. He's still not having it. It hurts you know. It's like I have given him my all and have gotten nothing in return so I'm empty. And that's exactly how I feel... EMPTY. He's so great. I just want him back. I want us to have a good strong relationship. And it's like we are perfect together. Even now, after all I put him through we still for the most part get along. The only time we argue is when i start talking about our relationship. He says that he needs time apart now to focus on him and his goals in life. He says that he wants to see me successful and not so dependent on him, and that he will do anything and everything to help me reach my goals in life. He says that he still wants to talk and hang out and develope a good friendship because if in the future we have healthier lives seperate then maybe we could have a relationship again. We still live together though. We still have sex. He sleeps on the couch though. He's still there for me and my daughter financially... I know that time apart is good. But how can you have time apart when you live in the same house. Both of us are students and we both work and take care of my daughter and can't afford to move out. I don't know how to be his friend when I still love him so much. I can't go to the movies with him and not want to hold his had. I can't sit on the couch and watch a movie with him without wanting to lay my head in his lap. I can't stop longing for how we use to be. I know that all of what is going on is my fault... I just don't know how to make everything right.... Does anyone have any suggestions?
notmakingsense Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 So you went from a serious relationship to a friends-with-benefits arrangement without true intimacy -- just sex. This a a very tenuous situation. I don't think you should continue this, it just isn't right, and there is a chance that either or both of you could get really hurt. Are you sure it isn't possible to move out? Get a female rommate, maybe even another single mom? Family? That's what I would suggest doing for now. As it stands, he isn't getting the chance to really get space and miss you. He gets to maintain his independance, emotional distance, yet still gets his physical needs met with you. This is not fair.
marc from MI Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 the sex must stop. and you need to try to get out of that house. i know its difficult with your child and all but at this point, your child should not be seeing you in this state. not to mention what you are doing to yourself. it sounds like he still loves you but why commit when he can sex you up when he wants and he knows that you'll always be there when he wants it. you need to distance yourself from him asap. my guess is that he will come crawling back to you. he obviously cares for you and if he doesnt then you are better off.
theplastickid Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 this has happened to me only i somehow ended up getting dumped. My GF unlike you could not change... could not stay out of the pub less than 5 days a week. She cheated on me and then tried to change saying she loves me and will not loose me. Then she didn't go clubbing much for 3 weeks and then started going down the pub 4 - 5 times a week and ignoring me again and every time i wanted to see her, i was simply an annoyance. If she came back to me now I would not take her back. Leave him alone i'm afraid, don't give him any sex. Seriously act like his friend for as long as possible and hope he comes back to you. That is 100% seriously your best chance. If you love him that much. You will give him space.
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Give him space. He's hurting from your callousness of the past. That you're still willing to use him for financial support, gives him the right to have whatever he wants from you. It's not a healthy relationship. Learn to support yourself and get back on your feet. From here you will be able to approach him from an equal level, if that's what you still want by then.
Grrlish Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'm tired.... Tired of trying to plead to this man to give me another chance. Tired of trying to convince him that our relationship is valuable. This does not work. Period. He has to discover it for himself. I agree with some of the earlier posts: You need to move out. You need to find another single mom or some type of roommate situation, if that's the only way you can afford it. Hate to say it but you should move out before he surprises you...and moves out. It is not wise to become financially dependent on someone that could walk out on you at any time. He has no obligation to help you take care of your daughter, financially (or otherwise). You need to be better prepared, hon.
JustPlainTired Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks for all of the feedback.... As far as moving out is concerned... this is my apartment and everything in this place is in my name, so if anyone left it would be him. And I want us to be apart, but it's like he can't afford to go out and get his own place and I would feel bad for putting him out... As far as the sex goes, I know that it is not healthy, but the thing is, my one complaint when we were together was that we didn't have sex enough and now I'm getting it like every day or at least every other day... when we were together sometimes we would go months without doing anything. And I know that's not a good reason, it's just hard. The sex makes me feel like we are closer together. As far as him financially being there for me and my daughter, by that I meant that he still buys her things and buys me things. Or if I need money he will give it to me. But I have a job and I always pay him back when he gives me large amounts of money. He is just the type of man that wants me to have everything that I need and want. I know that our situation is really messed up and it is every confusing. One minute I feel very close to him and the next he's pushing me away again. I'm trying my best not to push the issue and let it happen naturally, and give him time and all of that great stuff, but it's hard... I'm open to any more advice....
HokeyReligions Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 If he can afford to give your daughter gifts and you large amounts of money, why can't he move out? Your daughter has to come first. What are you showing your daughter? What kind of role model are you being to her? Be the grownup and tell the guy to move out. He'll find some place to go. It sounds to me like you are just showing her how to be codependent.
marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 this reminds me of a situation i was in 4 years ago... long story short: i dated this girl for 4 years lived together for 3.5 it got old , i got bored, the flame was gone . all her family lived in alaska, we lived in michigan. she literally had NO ONE here in michigan. i was stuck what was i to do, i didnt want to be together anymore but i didnt want to just throw her out on the street. so i came up with this: i gave her a choice- keep the apartment and i would move out or i would keep the apartment but would stay with a friend for 6 weeks to give her time to find a new place and move out. she chose the latter of the 2. and it workd fine. i wasnt throwing her on the street i was giving her time to save a few dollars for an apartment . be warned, take all the stuff that you care about with you to your friends house otherwise it wont be there when you get back.
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