Maria33 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I met this great guy several weeks ago. He asked for my number, we talked for hours and went out several times. We talked every day and I really liked him a lot. I felt like he was feeling the same way about me. We talked about our exs and how we would never go back. He has been separated for a whole year. She was mean and hateful to him. I know it's true because his friends told me that also. He really seemed happy to have found someone that was good to him. I felt the same, he was so many things that I've been looking for. He was so sweet and funny, he made me laugh till I cried. The day before New Years Eve the contact slowed way down. We only talked once for a minute. Then New Years Eve he called and said that she knew about me and he'd call me later. She was going crazy. This was normal because she already was calling him all the time, stopping by his work, telling other people she was going to hurt him. He was going to get an EPO on her because he had to call the police several times about her. He was always honest about this. I asked if she wanted him back and he said yes. But he would never go back to her. I went to the party by myself hoping he would show up when things calmed down. I saw his bestfriend there and asked if he was coming. He said "If he is, his wife is with him". I was devestated, I didn't see it coming. I trusted him when he said it was over. How could he do this? I drove him and cried for hours. I tried calling him but no answer. I want him to tell me. He owes me that much. He broke my heart and I really didn't think he would. We just clicked together. I could see being with him for a long time. He talked about us being together too. I know he really liked me. How could this happen? What could she have possibly said to fix all the pain she's caused him? How could he, when he knew that I would be good to him? I just can't believe it. If you have any thoughts please tell me. I just had to write this. I'm just lost as to what to do now. I didn't see it coming at all.
TYASAFAHICSI Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 The guys was a fool. COme on after two weeks you are hoplessly in love? He is married and probably never had any intent of leaving his wife---now why he woudl introduce you to mutual friends is beyond me! If he is a cheater, it is a totally different life. I would not dwell on this and be thankful that you only invested 2 weeks in to the deal. It hurts I am sure, but move on and forget him. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you care even one iota! If he calls (which I dount, because the friend will no doubt tell him the gig is up) do not answer--you need to disappear from his life as we should from yours. There is no way to tell if someone is cheating. If you can get to his house, look around and see. Does it look like it has a feminine touch? Photos with an adult woman and not just the kids. Medicine cabinets--BC pills, tampons, vagisill. My home is decidely masculine. There are photos of me and my kids all around and there are two of my ex--one at our wedding (because it is the only picture I have of 4 of my family members who are dead now), and another at the christening of our second kid--and they are small. I have an enlarged copy of the divoce decree hanging over the fireplace LOL(not really but it can be produced if needed).
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Its pretty simple really. He told you what you wanted and needed to hear about his wife in order to reel you in and keep you on the side. What to do now? Cut him off - no more contact with him whatsoever. If he calls you, do not take his calls. If he emails you, delete the emails without reading them, and block any further incoming email. Do not call or email him. Do not talk to his friends about him. Isolate yourself completely from him, and move on with your life.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 yeah i agree with the other people on here..just forget about him and try to move on. u havnt been seeing each other that long, and although it hurts be glad u found out early. whatever u do dont let him explain what happened, just dont talk to him. u deserve better than a cheater. piece of advice though: NEVER get involved with someone who isnt divorced yet. the situation is just too messy.
Author Maria33 Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 I'm not saying I was madly in love with him yet, I just knew that it was possible. Everytime I saw him, I liked him more, and I could feel that he felt the same way. I know he was separated, his friends and family backed that up. I even met his brother and dad. They were glad that he had found someone. I even went to his place, no woman there. He wasn't lying about that. He said to much for it to all be lies. It all fit together. You can't do that when you tell lies, you forget what you told the last time. I know that he did like me and had already left his wife. He was filing for divorce at the first of this year and she knew it. Apparently she got desperate and didn't want it all of a sudden. That's what hurts so bad. We could have had something and he threw it away to be miserable with her. I just don't understand.
frannie Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Hello Maria... Dating a separated person is always chancey. Despite the fact that they're separated and maybe have divorce proceedings going on, there is always a chance that they'll go back to the marriage to try to salvage something. There are a lot of emotions going on... guilt, ideas of failure, fear of the future... They might genuinely want a new life and see potential with you, but divorce is a huge step, and some take a long time to do it. In fact it's not unusual for someone to go back and forth a few times before they finally divorce. Being involved with someone who is doing that is more than wearing. Sorry you've had this experience, and I hope you can move past it soon.
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I know he was separated, his friends and family backed that up. I even met his brother and dad. They were glad that he had found someone. I even went to his place, no woman there. He wasn't lying about that. He said to much for it to all be lies. It all fit together. You can't do that when you tell lies, you forget what you told the last time. I know that he did like me and had already left his wife. He was filing for divorce at the first of this year and she knew it. Apparently she got desperate and didn't want it all of a sudden. That's what hurts so bad. We could have had something and he threw it away to be miserable with her. I just don't understand. If he really wanted his marriage to end, then he would be doing just that. But, it's obvious he still loves her in some way, enough to stay with her. All you can do now is accept it's over, move on and forget all about him. There is no point in trying to change his mind (to be honest, it's not your place to tell him to end his marriage, or push him to leave) it's his life, his choice. Don't believe all that his friends and family tell you. Unless you've heard it from HIM and his wife, the rest is all hear-say. Noone really knows what goes on behind closed doors, so his friends/family probably have put their own spin on what they think is and has been going on. Good luck and don't look back.
ls3360 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Dating a separated person is always chancey. Despite the fact that they're separated and maybe have divorce proceedings going on, there is always a chance that they'll go back to the marriage to try to salvage something. There are a lot of emotions going on... guilt, ideas of failure, fear of the future... They might genuinely want a new life and see potential with you, but divorce is a huge step, and some take a long time to do it. In fact it's not unusual for someone to go back and forth a few times before they finally divorce. Being involved with someone who is doing that is more than wearing. Good post. Every line of it. Many people invest many years just to learn the wisdom that Frannie has shared.
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 If he was separated, you're not an OW but a casualty due to inner conflict within this man. Keep in mind that he's probably got years of personal history with his ex, therefore would be considering her over yourself, since your relationship was only two weeks of whirlwind romance. Please, for your own sake, walk away from this with your head held high. This man is trouble and will be in the future. It could have been far worse if this two weeks had been two years. Imagine your emotional investment then when he walks away.
Author Maria33 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Okay, I jumped the gun a little bit. It took a few days but he called me. They did not get back together, but, they still have a lot of contact with each other. He is trying to get some things straightened out in his life right now. I can totally respect that. He said he will call me. I believe he will. It's not a commitment but who knows what will happen in the future? I'm not writing this one off but I'm trying not to dwell on it either. He doesn't have room in his life for me right now. He is a great guy and if things work out later, that would be really nice. I'm not going to call him. I'll let him call me when he can. For now, I've got my own life to get together. My divorce is almost final and I need to get things in order. Thanks for your advice, it always helps to have someone tell you what you need to hear!
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