torranceshipman Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Hey everyone, so has anyone here made New Yr resolutions about their MM situations? I did...let me know what you think. I told my guy (who has a 14 yr R with his girlfriend, but no shared mortgage/kids/etc), that time is up, and not only am I ending it with him, but I am leaving his company, moving away and there will be NC between us as soon as I've gone. I know career should come 1st, but if I really want to get out of this situation, and not allow it to turn into an A that goes on forever, I need to go cold turkey. My apartment is a corporate let (i.e. comes as part of my benefits package with work), so I'd have to move anyway if I leave my job...we work extremely closely and he's technically my manager, so we have aLOT of work contact. When I told him, he came straight round and stayed all afternoon talking with me, but I wont budge on this. He said he is in love with me, I told him I'm in love with him, and he admitted this: that he wants to be with me, but is so scared about leaving the security of a 14yr R, and totally depended on the fact that no matter what, he'd be able to see me at work and contact me daily by phone/email/meetings/etc, even i ended it between us, because he was dragging his heels/not facing up to dealing with his situation. Now I'm not staying, he's very, very upset, and scared of losing me, and he also says if I go, he's lost his best friend, as well as the girl he loves (true, we were very close friends for years before getting involved). He says he scares himself that he has the perfect opportunity to get out of his 14yr R, right here, and more to the point, will lose me if he doesn't but hasn't yet, out of fear... So I guess this is a VERY radical step for me....although it makes me heartbroken to leave the guy, and I DON'T want to leave a job I really like, it also makes me feel real relief that I'll be out of this situation. Who knows, it might be radical enough to make him take action, and then I can stay! - but that's not my primary reason for doing it....in fact, I know he'd need something this radical to take action, as he's not strong enough to take action based on intent alone...and here I am now, jobhunting!!! What a huge stress....but I do think it feels like the right road to take. Well this all only happened yesterday so I'll keep you posted, any encouragement or advice appreciated! Wishing you all the best in the New Year, hope 2007 is a good yr for you all! x
Marielle Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 TOuching story. and great resolution (leaving your job under this circumpstance) Please keep us posted. Hapy new Year!!!!
puddleofmud Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Gosh, girl--you have a lot of good energy and a good head on your shoulders! I just hate that you feel you must leave your job, though, but if it will keep you healthy and sane then I wish you the very best w/ your seeking new employment. Sorry, but my original post did tell you to "go for it" but I misunderstood that this guy had actually been living or was living with someone! I was thinking he had gotten his own home to live as a single person and had high hopes for you. Please forgive my over sight. Hang in there and stay in touch!!!
Author torranceshipman Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 Thansk PuddleofMudd/Marielle, its such a good thing to be able to talk to you guys...POM, I agree with your 'go for it' post though...it was great to tell him I loved him - he said he really loves me too, whcih I know he does...he just feels like the security of the 14yr thing is so strong, he's so scared of leaving, or whatever...but it led to me handing in my notice and him realising I'd walking out of his life for good very soon..I think these discussions need to happen, as if this doesn't force his hand nothing will! This was the push..that he was buying the new place alone (which he is). In my mind, this was his one chance to leave the girfriend, as he could have moved into it alone...as it turned out, the sale went through MUCH quicker than we'd thought, literally a week after the mortgage application, and we'd expected 2-3months (the norm here) - so he hadn't talked to his girlfriend at all before the move, in fact they didn't even discuss the move, she just moved her stuff from the old apartment to the new apartment....so then I told him I couldn't take anymore and that was it! VERY tough call, but not sure what else I could do... I'm a fan of decisive action though, if he loves me AND can make the break then he will, if not, then best I know right now, not 1, 2 or 3 yrs down the line...
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey Torrance...it sure takes a lot of courage to do what you are about to do....my thoughts and prayers are with you....(((((((((hugs))))))))
IngenueMisnomer Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey torrance, I'm glad for you that you've finally taken a stand. I've just started NC today literally and I also work closely with MM. I've only just began and I'm already struggling to remain steadfast and this is something that I've been preparing myself for the last six months. And since it seems like you've just made this decision, be prepared for lots of ups and downs. It's also a good thing that you're doing this for yourself rather than directly as a means of getting a reaction out of him. Because all too often in our situation the MM don't do what we hope or expect. So the best of luck to the both of us in carrying out this resolution.
frannie Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 So I guess this is a VERY radical step for me....although it makes me heartbroken to leave the guy, and I DON'T want to leave a job I really like, it also makes me feel real relief that I'll be out of this situation. Who knows, it might be radical enough to make him take action, and then I can stay! - but that's not my primary reason for doing it....in fact, I know he'd need something this radical to take action, as he's not strong enough to take action based on intent alone...and here I am now, jobhunting!!! oooh. Well, I would only leave the job if it's what you really want to do... but I understand that it must be hard to continue working with him. IF he loves you so much, surely he'd try to make things easier on you, and keep contact professional as much as possible? You could give that a try before leaving a job you love..? Just a thought. I wouldn't expect that the sudden possibility of losing you as a friend and potential partner would shift him on the leaving his girlfriend thing. If he's really the way he sounds it might take a long while for him to get his act together. Plus, I don't think that decisions made rashly because you might lose someone are a good idea... they only really work in literature... most rational people are a little more circumspect when it comes to changing their entire life, aren't they..? Whatever you do, I wish you all the best.
Author torranceshipman Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Hey girls, Such good advice on here...it was my 1st day back at work today, and I really do like being here, so yes, it'd be sad to leave the job (and the apartment that goes with the job!). I went ahead and handed my notice in, but my line manager (who is the guy in question) has the letter filed until I decide exactly what is best for me timewise (I have to work out a months notice, so I need to know I can go straight into a good job, and I might need a bit of time for jobhunting, etc). This is his 'good friend' side coming out - he wants to stop me from making a big career move unless it really is very necessary. Who knows, maybe once the dust settles, we can stay friends / professional with eachother, and I can remain at work - but right now, it's each day as it comes re: the best choice for me...I just wonder how I got to 31 and my love life still resembles an overdramatic version of Dawsons Creek...!
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 TOuching story. and great resolution (leaving your job under this circumpstance) Please keep us posted. Hapy new Year!!!! Yes, i am also appreciate your spirit. Happy new year.may God! bring happiness for you this new year.
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