In shock and dont know

[Marc from michigan]

My name is Marc and here is my story:

 

I am 26 and have been dating "T" who is 25 since August 2004.

 

I first met her when were just out of high school through mutual friends. She and I both had significant others and became acquaintances. We both went seperate ways, i moved to california with my ex and she did her thing. I moved back to michigan after seperating with my ex. this was 2003 fast forward to august 2004, a friend pleads with me to go with him to a local festival and i oblige. By chance i run into "T" and we hit off a whirlwind relationship . Something like you would see in a movie. I was confident after just a few months that this gir,l was my soulmate. She felt the same. after a year of dating we decided to get an apartment together. We spoke briefly about marriage but both agreed after witnessing both of our parents go through divorces when we were in our teens that we would wait at least a few years. this was August 2005. the next year and a half was great i didnt even think of other women nor did she ever of other men. Like i said it was cinema-esque. She was perfect for me, I for her. We enjoyed all of the same things , Tigers and redwings games, poker with freinds, trips to florida. Everything a couple in love would .

 

Fast forward to xmas this year: Xmas went off without a hitch as usual. We both ventured out to each others families homes for festivities. Her mom has high admiration for me as my mother absolutely loves her like a daughter. We dodged the usual questions of when were we gonna get married. We both knew that we would commit to marriage when we were a bit older and had agreed to this on several occasions.

 

DEC 30th Saturday night she works at a local restauranut and was closing that night so she usually doesnt get home until 2am. she called me earlier in the night ,as usual, to let me know how everything was going. everything was fine, typical. Unexpectadly she walks in the door early at 11:45pm and heads straight to the bedroom. Of course i folllow with the standard questioning.

"is everything ok?"

 

she replies " we need to talk. i want to break up"

 

stunned i sat on the bed in disbelief thinking that i was going to awake from this horrble dream any second . I never woke up.

 

of course i asked the typical questions:

"what did i do?"

"How can i fix this?"

"WHY?"

she could give me no answer she just stood in front of me shooting laser beams out of her eyes straight into my heart.

at first she seemed closed off and emotionless.

 

then i broke the cardinal rule as a man. i brokedown into tears, something that i hadnt done since i was 16 and learned that my parents were seperating.never before had a woman made me cry i thought i was above it, i thought that tear ducts were made of iron and that the only things in my life that could wrench a tear fromt his face was a death of someone close or Tigers win in the world series (almost happened).

 

Of course at this point she too becan to cry but not a sobbing sorowful cry, that i had seen before from her in other situations. this was a different kind of cry , a cry that would later be confirmed by her as a "feel bad for me cry"

 

after a half hour of questioning in between tears she finally gave me answers. she wasnt happy, she felt trapped, she felt that she didnt feel the same as she used to. of course all of this is news to me. i tried to console her and tell that we can make it work, whatever i was or wasnt doing i could fix.

 

then i asked the question that everyone dreads during a situation like this.

"do you not love me anymore?"

 

she gulped in between increasingly flowing tears and replied.

 

"im sorry i dont"

 

electric bolts of devistation shot through my body. i wanted to throw up. i wanted to throw my face into a pillow and wish my way out of this. i would find out later in the night that neither vomiting or face in the pillow made anything go away.

 

what could i say at this point? as good of a talker as i am, there is no way of talking someone into loving you. i left the room. alll was quiet. by now im chain smoking cigarette with tears in my eyes in the living thinking about my life for the last 2 and a half years wondering where it went wrong. i decided that i couldnt just let her walk away , i had to know why. i demanded to know why she didnt love me anymore. i had never cheated, i had never told a lie (everyone tells white lies which i paid for), i had always stood by her showing the love that was missing from my childhood hoping that i would never end up the way my parents did.

 

i marched abck in the bedroom, she sat emotionless. all she could tell me was "i dont know why " i felt empty and unfulfilled. i began to pack my things .i stopped after loading up all of my clothing and sat next to her again and proposed something. lets take a break. i couldnt just say goodbye for good, not right now, i needed something to look forward to because going home to my mother and telling her that the love of my life was gone forever. it was not something i was looking forward to.

 

she agreed to a break and admitted that she was confused. we set that i would return home for a talk on january 13th , 2 weeks. by now it was 4am and she and i were both exhausted. she went to bed , i slept on the couch. i didnt sleep , i laid there thinking about everything. goign through different emotions, anger, sadness and a feeling of emptiness undescribable unless you've experienced it yourself. 10am rolls around, i stil have not slept, lying on the couch i get up and head to the bedroom. she slept in the bed adn i laid down next to her. she slept silently not knowing i was there. she woke at 10:30 looked at me and got up to use the restroom. she came back and i just looked at her without saying a word. i asked , "are you sure this is what you want?

she replied"im sorry. yes. "

she proceeded to call her mother to come pick her up while i moved the rest of my things.

we agreed to NC until the 13th. i stayed in our home until 6pm just looking at the pictures and love letters we had saved and placed in photo albums. i couldnt belive this was happening. i locked the door and went to my mothers.

 

by now its 7pm new years ever. i found this website and it has helped a bit but im still in shock to be able to not think about it every second.

 

while i was writing this she text messaged me at 12:30am "happy new year"

we always spent new years a her moms house but this time she went alone and i sit alone in my mother's house .(my family is out of town)

 

i dont really know what to do, my mom told me to give her her space and see what happens in 2 weeks. im at a loss and feel a depression that i thought i would never have to experience.

[koll12]

Marc, dude I'm going threw the exact same thing you are I think, exept we don't live together, when you care about someone your willing to do whatever it takes to be with that person , my advice for you is don't let her go ..koll12

[hdspce]

I'm also with you, my friends. I'm 27 and my split happened on New Years Eve and the last few days have been the hardest I have ever experienced. We have only just moved into a new flat after living together for over 2 years - my first reaction, after the blankness of the shock was to go see my parents which helped a little but I knew that I had to face what was happening and return to the flat. This has been one of the hardest things as her possessions and, more crucially, *our* possessions are everywhere and they only serve as reminders of the relationship I fear is gone forever.

 

There is a lot of great advice here on LS which is worth reading to try and calm your head a bit which I am sure must be spinning with endless horrible thoughts. I am facing a number of months in this flat on my own in a new town with hardly any friends - I am not ashamed to say that I am completely petrified but try and remember you are not alone even when it feels that way.

 

One thing I would point out, however, is that you should NEVER think that crying has ever broken any cardinal rule as a man. Do not hold back your emotions as it will likely make your suffering worse. I can tell you that I broke down in public yesterday as well as during the reading of some of peoples posts here but I don't feel embarrassed because its clear that it is the best kind of release at a time like this.

 

Let us know how you get along.