Butterflying Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 If your dating someone, say...5 months, are you supposed to spend holidays together? I been dating this guy since July 2006. I've known him for a few years prior. For the past 5 months, he has been trying to convince me to date him exclusivly. I want to commit to him, but I'm skeptical because so far, he has had an excuse that caused us not to spend Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas together and the New Year together. I was skeptical about Labor Day because he didn't really give me an excuse. The relationship was new, so I simply made other plans. I understood Thanksgiving because said he was with his family. But he didn't even contact me for two weeks during or after the holiday. He has an 11 year old son from a previous relatioship. I understood not spending Christmas with him because he said he was with his son. He called me the day after Christmas and we planned to spend the New Year together. He was supposed to come over to my place last night. We were going to spend the entire weekend together. I was worried about our plans when I didn't hear from him all week after we made the plans. I called him a few times Friday to confirm and make sure everything was okay. He didn't answer, or return my calls. I called his work and his secretary said he had taken the week off for vacation. He didn't call me until Saturday afternoon. I asked if he did anything special with his time off work. He said no and that he simply needed time to relax at home. I asked if our plans for the weekend were still on. He said yes, but he could only spend Saturday night with me. He needed Sunday and Monday to rest before returning to work on Tuesday. I was disappointed. I told him that I wanted to bring in the New Year with him. He told me that I shouldn't take holidays seriously. And since I wasn't cool about him spending one night, he decided not to spend any time with me at all. He said I was acting like a needy psycho. I reminded him of how cool I had been about the other holidays. He reminded me that we are not exclusive. Therefore, he is not obligated to do anything with me. Looks like I'll be alone, again, this holiday.
guin_girl Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Is he currently going through a divorce or recent separation? My "date" told me the same thing this morning, that it's just any other day... but he's going through a divorce and keeps switching on me... the last two days were great and had plans for New Year's for the past month... even confirmed last night, then this morning he canceled out. He's not doing anything else, just staying home... I know that because he's one of the few guys who doesn't have a cell phone and he is calling me from his house to make sure I'm ok being on my own tonight... weird men, huh?
Lauriebell82 Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 wow 5 months and ur not exclusive? is this his idea that ur just still dating? guys dont take holidays as seriously as girls do. my boyfriend does the same crap. we have been together for 4 months and i havnt seen him for any of the holidays either. his parents live about 5 hours away so he's gone home to spend the holidays with them. i understand about this cause he doesnt see his family very often, only really on the holidays. i think maybe u should talk to him about why u are not exclusive. he probably doesnt think that the holidays are as important in a relationship, i guess thats just guys for u. but u should probably try to talk to him about it if its bothering u. since u guys arent exclusive is he dating someone else? also other questions u should ask ur self: are u really serious about him? are u in love with him? cause if this guy is stringing u along (which it kind of sounds like he is)than u should know where u stand with him so ur not just wasting ur time. u deserve a guy who will commit to u and be serious about u.
justagirliegirl Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 This guy is seeing someone else. He's a total loser. DTMFA
Author Butterflying Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 Not being exclusive is my idea. It's because I don't know him well enough. We don't spend enough time together for me to know him better. The main reason that holidays are so important to me is that it's the only time we both have off work at the same time. We could spend more time together during holidays. Now he's using the fact that we aren't exclusive as his excuse to not spend holidays. I wonder, how can I commit to someone I barely know? He's not making it easy by not contacting me for long periods of time, either. And 80% of the times I've contacted him, I wasn't able to reach him. All these things prevent me from commiting to him. But when we are together, we have a great time. That's why we started dating in the first place.
justagirliegirl Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Not being exclusive is my idea. It's because I don't know him well enough. We don't spend enough time together for me to know him better. The main reason that holidays are so important to me is that it's the only time we both have off work at the same time. We could spend more time together during holidays. Now he's using the fact that we aren't exclusive as his excuse to not spend holidays. I wonder, how can I commit to someone I barely know? He's not making it easy by not contacting me for long periods of time, either. And 80% of the times I've contacted him, I wasn't able to reach him. All these things prevent me from commiting to him. But when we are together, we have a great time. That's why we started dating in the first place. Not trying to be nosy but are you having sexual relations with him?
so gutted Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Doesnt everyone have sex nowadays? i havnt met any men that will wait.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 alright well have u tried telling him all this? like why u dont want to be exlusive. cause if u really do want to get to know him u should tell him that and maybe he'll make more of an effort. 5 months is kind of a long time to be dating someone and not really get to know them. tell him u'd like to spend more time with him and get to know him better so maybe u guys can become exlusive. men are stupid and need to be told these things lol.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 If your dating someone, say...5 months, are you supposed to spend holidays together? I been dating this guy since July 2006. I've known him for a few years prior. For the past 5 months, he has been trying to convince me to date him exclusivly. I want to commit to him, but I'm skeptical because so far, he has had an excuse that caused us not to spend Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas together and the New Year together. I was skeptical about Labor Day because he didn't really give me an excuse. The relationship was new, so I simply made other plans. I understood Thanksgiving because said he was with his family. But he didn't even contact me for two weeks during or after the holiday. He has an 11 year old son from a previous relatioship. I understood not spending Christmas with him because he said he was with his son. He called me the day after Christmas and we planned to spend the New Year together. He was supposed to come over to my place last night. We were going to spend the entire weekend together. I was worried about our plans when I didn't hear from him all week after we made the plans. I called him a few times Friday to confirm and make sure everything was okay. He didn't answer, or return my calls. I called his work and his secretary said he had taken the week off for vacation. He didn't call me until Saturday afternoon. I asked if he did anything special with his time off work. He said no and that he simply needed time to relax at home. I asked if our plans for the weekend were still on. He said yes, but he could only spend Saturday night with me. He needed Sunday and Monday to rest before returning to work on Tuesday. I was disappointed. I told him that I wanted to bring in the New Year with him. He told me that I shouldn't take holidays seriously. And since I wasn't cool about him spending one night, he decided not to spend any time with me at all. He said I was acting like a needy psycho. I reminded him of how cool I had been about the other holidays. He reminded me that we are not exclusive. Therefore, he is not obligated to do anything with me. Looks like I'll be alone, again, this holiday. From alot of your post some parts seem to point out that he is seeing someone else. I think I am wrong though, I might just be jumping to conclusions. I think you should talk to him about the not exclusive part...5 months of dating and your not exclusive...strange!
Nanachu Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I think it completely depends on men. Some guys who I have dated cared a lot to spend time together, especially NYE. Some did not, but they did spend time together. However, all of them were exclusive BFs. It takes me usually 1 month to make my decision. If I cannot be exclusive within 1 month or so, it is usually a bad sign; I am not attracted to him enough or he has some commitment issue and is still interested in seeing other girls. In your case, it sounds like he is not that into you... I understand his family/work situation, but if he is really into you, don't you think that he wants to spend time together? Getting relax and the fact you guys are not exclusive stuff sound like his excuse to me. Having said that, it is possible that he is telling you the truth... Everyone is tired from this holiday weeks. If he wants to spend time with you long in other weekend, you may want to trust him a bit longer... Good luck!
shoesies05 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Why arent you exclusive after so long? Are you afraid of the committment, and is he? Either way, he sounds like a huge a**! Sounds like he's seeing someone else, and although you arent exclusive if he's been seeing you for so long he cant just not call for a couple weeks and when you get upset over it act like your the idiot! Talk to him about it. I don't want to jump to conclusions but all my bells went off with what you said about him. Plus the fact that you had to come onto here to get advice shows its a big deal and something on your mind... I'd say if you dont become exclusive leave him for someone who you wouild want to be exclusive with and where the feeling is mutual!
Author Butterflying Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Wow! All of you are saying exactly what I've thought of already. (He's not that into me, he's seeing somone else, ect.) The problem is, I get confused because HE is the one who keeps saying I have commitment issues. He wants me to commit. I have talked to him about his behavior (not calling for long periods of time, not answering my calls) being the reason I'm afraid to commit. He swears that he isn't seeing anyone else. He says that I am insecure. And now this whole NYE thing. I'm totally confused because he's basically pressuring me to commit to him. Whenever it's convienent, he uses the lack of commitment as an excuse. He tells me that he will call more often and spend more time with me ONLY if I commit to him. I feel like a rock in a hard place.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 The problem is, I get confused because HE is the one who keeps saying I have commitment issues. He wants me to commit. Commit to what exactly? I would tell him "How can I commit when you tell me we are not exclusive". He tells me that he will call more often and spend more time with me ONLY if I commit to him. Sounds like he is just trying to get you into bed.
IpAncA Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Maybe you should tell hm why you can't commit and explain to him why you don't want to be exclusive. If you want this relationship to go any further you both have to have some sort of commitment.
Recommended Posts