Guest Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Please someone help me understand why anyone does this. After dating this guy casually (we saw each other MAYBE once a week) for about 3 months, he dumped me (he told me there was someone from his past). This happened back in early October. I didn't expect to be so hurt by what happened, but I was. (I probably liked him more than I wanted to admit.) At the end of that last convo, he suggested we keep in touch, but I told him that knowing myself, I wouldn't, but that if I happened to run into him, I'd make a point of greeting him. I wished him the best, he went on to tell me that he thought I was great and wished me the best. After hanging up the phone, I figured that was that was the end of that, and deleted his phone number from my cellphone immediately (for fear of ever accidentally dialing him.) I walked around feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach for a couple of weeks, and then gradually, I started feeling better. But this took SEVERAL weeks- nearly two months- then shazzam- out of nowhere, on Thanksgiving day, he leaves me a voicemail wishing me happy thanksgiving and asking what I've been up to and whether I'm still around. I went back and forth for days wondering whether to respond (I didn't want to seem bitter), and finally decided to do nothing. But the voicemail totally threw me back into the hurt and all those feelings I'd had for him. So, several weeks pass again, I FINALLY delete his message, and I start feeling better again- then just before christmas, he calls and leaves another chatty voicemail saying he just wanted to wish me happy holidays. Here's the thing- I don't think this guy's a player, and I also don't think he's just trying to get sex (I still think he's a pretty decent, nice guy). I'm also sure he's not trying to get back together with me- he hasn't suggested it in his voicemails at all. So, what the heck gives? Can anyone give me some insight into why he's doing what he's doing so this wound can heal fully before he tries pulling the scab off again?
marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 sorry but anyone that has casually dated someone for a month or 2 doesnt send messages on holidays unless they want to se you again. this guy is definitely probing to see what you are up to. obviously he's not going to ask you out on your vmail. that would be tacky and tasteless. he's hoping for a response from you , if you want nothing to do with him, ignore them if it interests you , call him back and wish him the same. he WILL respond. im sure he wants to get you on the phone to set something up.
Jubilee Kate Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Dumpers can't leave well enough alone? I'm a dumper (although to my defense, I wanted a serious relationship and he did not so I left) - I've contacted my ex twice, the holidays just do that to you. People start pining away during the holidays for some weird reason...maybe it's all those jewelry commercials? Ha, seriously, I don't know what it is about the darn holidays, but it sure does bring up some serious nostalgic feelings that are pretty hard to fight off.
notmakingsense Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Obviously things didn't work out with the ex he left you for, so he's single again and trying to figure out if you are open to contact because you did mean something to him. He could be a really great guy, but you will need to be careful, because you were second best to his ex at the time he left last time. Be doubly careful, because the holidays just ended, and people are especially nostalgic and wanting to be in relationships at this time. Good luck!
Guest Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Obviously things didn't work out with the ex he left you for, so he's single again and trying to figure out if you are open to contact because you did mean something to him. He could be a really great guy, but you will need to be careful, because you were second best to his ex at the time he left last time. Be doubly careful, because the holidays just ended, and people are especially nostalgic and wanting to be in relationships at this time. Good luck! I love this site. What a great community. Thanks for the comments- I really appreciate them. He mentioned in his christmas voicemail that a family member had passed away just before the holidays, so I felt like I had no choice but to respond. I just sent a brief text msg offering my condolences and wishing him happy holidays also. Notmakingsense- you're so right about "being second best". Even though admittedly, I still have feelings for him I couldn't bring myself to be with someone who considered me the consolation prize. I think we all need, want, and deserve more than that. Well, thanks again all for the insight.
demilde Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Dunno why they do this really. I get an email every 2 weeks or so from my ex and its all just what you been upto and nothingness really. I was going to ignore it the next time and then send a letter explaining that the friends sitch wasn't working for me, but the next email lets me now one of her family numbers only has a few weeks to live. So its a bit tactless to tell her to throw her hook and leave me alone at this point. I just wish I knew why she wants to contact me about trivial stuff, after such an intense relationship.
SuziwithaQ Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Sometimes I think the ex is regretting his/her decision so they test the waters to see if you will bite. Also, I know from past experience, that sometimes the ex truly is fond of you and doesn't want to be the "bad guy" so they reach out in an effort to make sure you don't view them as such. But hey, what do I know, I'm newly single again so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about!
demilde Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Sometimes I think the ex is regretting his/her decision so they test the waters to see if you will bite. Also, I know from past experience, that sometimes the ex truly is fond of you and doesn't want to be the "bad guy" so they reach out in an effort to make sure you don't view them as such. But hey, what do I know, I'm newly single again so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about! I would hazard a guess at the latter, if it was the former then why talk about nothing in an email; if you were testing the water I guess you'd drop hints questions about going for a drink or something. But like you what do I know???
cuddles4u Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Sometimes I think the ex is regretting his/her decision so they test the waters to see if you will bite. Also, I know from past experience, that sometimes the ex truly is fond of you and doesn't want to be the "bad guy" so they reach out in an effort to make sure you don't view them as such. But hey, what do I know, I'm newly single again so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about! yeah, I agree with this one.it could be just to check in and see how you are doing. any regrets?and to avoid the bad guy image.
demilde Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 yeah, I agree with this one.it could be just to check in and see how you are doing. any regrets?and to avoid the bad guy image. right so next time I'll tell her I've had an emotional breakdown and am seeing a counseller 2 times a week. See how she responds to that :-)
lovelorcet Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Sometimes I think they want to make sure you are not better off without them, seeing as they made the decision to leave...
Reckless Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Buyers regret - classic syndrome having made a large purchase we can't stop thinking of all the other stuff in the shop (dumper specific) Holiday blues - everyone remembers the scene in 'When Harry met Sally' when Sally realizes in the middle of a new years party she has no one to kiss... Trauma - loosing someone we love makes us crazy for comfort Given your ex has experienced a combination of all three of the above he is indeed there for you IF you want him. But caution demands you recognise the above are all TEMPORARY conditions.
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