casoria99 Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I have been in this forum for sometime and I never hear of this happening. Is it possible that MM are cheating with men? If so, how would a wife be able to tell that his male friends are really only friends or are they more than friends. I don't know...but Brokeback Mountain leads me to think that men don't always cheat with other women.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I think it happens WAY more than most of us can even imagine. I have a gay guy friend and he tells me the gay bars are FULL of married men looking for one night stands. To hear him tell it, it is very common.
Porn_Guy Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 If so, how would a wife be able to tell that his male friends are really only friends or are they more than friends. look for semen around their mouths and anuses To hear him tell it, it is very common. you freind is right....there are many gay men who are still "in the closet" with a wife and kids. some of the wives know and some don't.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Frankly, I always wondered about my exH...if he is, he is deeply closeted and I don't think anything in this world would ever bring him to come out. For lots of reasons. He never wanted to have sex. Ever. I used to blame it on the coke - but he didn't do that all the time. I think he tried to make up for it with lots of bear hugs (I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was every five minutes if we were home alone) and telling me he loved me over and over (and over) again....I know that doesn't sound horrible, but it was repetitive and obnoxious. And it only got worse over time. I honestly think something happened to him when he was in the Navy, like he let himself do things, and then went back to fighting it when he got out. It would certainly explain a lot of things.
boshemia Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 http://gaylife.about.com/cs/gay101/a/dl.htm Yes apparently common... and sad. A week ago I would have told you there was no way it could ever have happened to me, a few nights ago I found out that it was more than possible but actually very likely. I found an ad on a dating site... lets just say I'm still shocked. We've been split up for five years, so it's not really a big deal but the father of my children, Mr. Manly, Homophobic and hmmm
BUTAFLY Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 This happens more than you know. My gay friend and his partner are swingers. They are approached by married men all the time. My firends are the ones who alerted me on this phenomon of gay culture which I had now idea about. Well.... a man who they started of seeing for sex led to something more for one of my friends. my friend began dating him and fell in love with this man. He is now in the same situation that many of ow/om read on here. He wants him to leave the wife and the mm says give me time. Classic cake eater senario.
kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I certainly would not be suprised if this were a more common occurrence. I am sure it is just as common for women as well. I had a girl friend who was married for about 7 years. Hooked up with another of my male friends. He was married for about 10 years. Both marriages were rotten. My girl friends H ended having an affair with a MW who was going through her own divorce. My friend and her H split but not until after my girl friend had an affair with my guy friend. Well my guy friend's W whom I thought was straight turned out to be lesbian. Not that I care or am making a judgement call. It just so happened she lead this coveted lesbian life until everything came out in the open. It was actually a long drawn out mess for a lot of people involved. The W who is Lesbian was so angry at my friend for the affair that he had, but yet she really started dating other women. My friend and her H's divorce got ugly, but both of my friend's stuck it out and stayed together. I wish people would just be up front and honest before hand so things don't have to get that much more convoluted!
stillhere Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I know a man who is living a gay lifestyle with 2 grown children and a wife. The children know, not sure if the W does, but the children have kept it to themselves, he doesn't even know that they know. I also know a woman who D her husband because she decided that she was a lesbian (or realized she was, or however it went). I don't think it's uncommon, i just don't think it's something that everyone who comes to this realization about their sexuality go around flaunting it!
JamesM Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I agree...it happens more than we realize. But I object to saying that they are all gay. Rather I think it is not such an easy line to draw. Many MM who flirt with the gay lifestyle are either bisexual or just plain "addicted to sex." What? How can you have gay sex and not be gay? IMHO many MM look for their next climax from whatever source they can get. I know of adult theatres that have "circle jerks" and group sex with women (who volunteer). These same men have no problem having BJs given via the "glory hole." Should they be called bisexual or gay? These same men (based on internet postings) enjoy all types of porn...sad to say, child porn...and it gets worse. It would be an insult to the gay community to call them gay, and yet to call them bisexual makes their addiction acceptable. So, yes, I think that many married men (many is still a small percentage) go to gay bars, gay movies theatres, etc. Some of these men may be gay or bisexual, but many of these men are simply addicted to sex with no concern about their health or those to whom they are married.
kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Still and JamesM I think you both make valid points. Earlier I was thinking the same thing. I wonder if many married men/women who enjoy this life style would consider them selves "gay" or homosexual. Or are they simply experimenting? I agree it isn't something that is flaunted about. There is still a taboo about this sort of thing, but it is much more out in the open now. These same men (based on internet postings) enjoy all types of porn...sad to say, child porn...and it gets worse. I say ICk to that and do not agree with that!
puddleofmud Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Very well stated--there is a term for this--it's called Tea Room Activity(don't know were the term originated). A large percentage of men trolling for illicit "sex" w/ Gay men are NOT gay. They are just trolling for sex, period, a quick thrill. I feel cheating is cheating and it doesn't matter whith WHOM. As to men being married and gay or women being married and gay--not uncommon, either and more often then not it may actually be an agreement of sorts such as what is termed "open marriages" between straight couples. Just a note: there are just as many monogomous Gay couples are there are straight and just as many cheaters as well...gender preference is not the barometer of sexual BEHAVIOR. I agree...it happens more than we realize. But I object to saying that they are all gay. Rather I think it is not such an easy line to draw. Many MM who flirt with the gay lifestyle are either bisexual or just plain "addicted to sex." What? How can you have gay sex and not be gay? IMHO many MM look for their next climax from whatever source they can get. I know of adult theatres that have "circle jerks" and group sex with women (who volunteer). These same men have no problem having BJs given via the "glory hole." Should they be called bisexual or gay? These same men (based on internet postings) enjoy all types of porn...sad to say, child porn...and it gets worse. It would be an insult to the gay community to call them gay, and yet to call them bisexual makes their addiction acceptable. So, yes, I think that many married men (many is still a small percentage) go to gay bars, gay movies theatres, etc. Some of these men may be gay or bisexual, but many of these men are simply addicted to sex with no concern about their health or those to whom they are married.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I have been in this forum for sometime and I never hear of this happening. Is it possible that MM are cheating with men? If so, how would a wife be able to tell that his male friends are really only friends or are they more than friends. I don't know...but Brokeback Mountain leads me to think that men don't always cheat with other women. This is what happened to me, personally...my XH fell in love with his "best friend" from work...the way to know is to watch them interact and watch the rest of your M fall apart...and they're still partners to this day... And it does happen alot...
BenThereDunThat Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 James - I get what you're saying. In fact, it was the exMM who told me there's straight people over "here" and there's gay people over "there." Somewhere in between are people who just like sex. Period. No matter where it comes from. And I agree. It's an insult to put gay people into the category of those addicted to illicit sex.
frannie Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 James - I get what you're saying. In fact, it was the exMM who told me there's straight people over "here" and there's gay people over "there." Somewhere in between are people who just like sex. Period. No matter where it comes from. And I agree. It's an insult to put gay people into the category of those addicted to illicit sex. What about people who 'just like sex' but DO mind where it comes from? Why does it have to be illicit? Surely that's something else entirely.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 What about people who 'just like sex' but DO mind where it comes from? Why does it have to be illicit? Surely that's something else entirely. Totally agree. I was speaking more in terms of people addicted to sex, who go 'underground' to get it and cheat on their spouses, etc. Man, Frannie, don't make me think too hard right now - my head hurts!
puddleofmud Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Nothing wrong with liking SEX! Sex certainly doesn't have the label of being illicit in and of itself!
frannie Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Man, Frannie, don't make me think too hard right now - my head hurts! oops sorry ... I'll keep the noise down...
BenThereDunThat Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Nothing wrong with liking SEX! Sex certainly doesn't have the label of being illicit in and of itself! What is this sex you speak of? I only have a vague memory of what it is.... Hopefully I will be reminded of it in 2007!
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I have been in this forum for sometime and I never hear of this happening. Is it possible that MM are cheating with men? If so, how would a wife be able to tell that his male friends are really only friends or are they more than friends. I don't know...but Brokeback Mountain leads me to think that men don't always cheat with other women. I wouldn't say it happens as often as opposite gender cheating which according to the percentage on this forum, appears to be the norm for people. If it's real homosexuality and the man has been in the closet, I would guess it happens more often than people know, due to the shame that surrounds being gay. If it isn't, look to either deviance or environmental pressures within the marriage.
Author casoria99 Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 I think that the entangled emotional pull that surrounds opposite gender affairs are not as enormous in a same gender affair when it comes to married men. (MM who have an affair with an OTHER MAN). I read an article where both men were married with children but they explored gay sex and one wife busted them and then it came out. They are seeking counseling and saying that they have a sexual addiction. I read that wives usually take their men back when they know that they have had an affair with another woman, but I wonder if their is love and sex after the discovery that the husband has been with another man. I believe that the reason it is not so prevalent on this forum is that women typically do not find men a threat to their relationship as they do with women. So women fighting women for men has always been around. And as a woman, it's easier to spot another woman. But today's society offers an increased and open exposure into the gay lifestyle and making it appear as normal as opposite gender relationships. Most married men will stay with their wives rather than leave to be with their gay partner. Although the gay lifestyle is becoming more and more accepted, I think that most men (whether really gay or not) will not completely indulge themselves into thinking that they would prefer to lose EVERYTHING that they have built with the wife AND come out that they are gay on top of all of that just to be with their gay lover.
Author casoria99 Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/08/12/mcgreevey.nj/ http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,128836,00.html (CNN) -- Dropping a political bombshell, New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey announced his resignation Thursday after revealing that he is gay and that he had an adulterous affair with a man. With his wife standing by his side, McGreevey -- a father of two -- spoke in calm tones as he described his struggle with his sexuality, "a certain sense that separated me from others." It was something that he said began as a child. MY THOUGHTS: His wife was courageous to stand by his side. But this man has since written a book about his life and he and his wife have divorced. He is now living with his lover and appears happy and I am sure his wife wants him to SHUT UP! She is by herself and likely still in shock of everything. If you google his image, he is tall, dark, and handsome and the governor who came out and attacked same sex marriages. He was a complete hypocrite and now throwing all of his hypocrisy into everyone's face (his wife, his kids, New Jersey, and everyone else). And they say that MM do not leave the wives for their lovers...he let go of EVERYTHING to be with his lover...
Guest Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I have been lurking on this site for sometime but am compelled to respond. My husband was seeing another man in our marriage. He also enjoyed a swinger lifestyle and I had no idea. I must admit that I suspected something going on for the longest and blamed this young girl who seemed too flirtatious. I found cell phone numbers and stalked him for three days and found out to my horror what he was doing and had been doing for nearly 4 years. And the girl from his job was just OUTGOING and not at all interested in my husband. In some ways, he used her to hide the relationship and of course, I was completely naive about the term "swinger" and would never have expected my football and beer husband to desire men. It does happen.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Most married men will stay with their wives rather than leave to be with their gay partner. Although the gay lifestyle is becoming more and more accepted, I think that most men (whether really gay or not) will not completely indulge themselves into thinking that they would prefer to lose EVERYTHING that they have built with the wife AND come out that they are gay on top of all of that just to be with their gay lover. This happened to be true in my case as well, but I left...Why should I waste my life so my (X)H gets everything he wants...the facade of the "perfect family"...and be with the OM, right in front of my face...no thank you...
BUTAFLY Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 And they say that MM do not leave the wives for their lovers...he let go of EVERYTHING to be with his lover... The McGreevy was discoverd and outted. I don't know if he would have left on his own. Too much to lose personally and politically.
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