jerbear Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I'd like to get closure now but I have many items in my house from my exBF. What do I give back? He's given me a bunch of knicknacks his exW and he got while they were married. Plus a picture he drew. Plus my Christmas presents from him. Should I give it all back or what? If you tried to get in and after what happened, it is not worth it on your end to get more drama. I suggest giving the stuff back. Just gets rid of future drama. If you don't want to talk to him (as per his wishes) throw them away.
Author amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 If you tried to get in and after what happened, it is not worth it on your end to get more drama. I suggest giving the stuff back. Just gets rid of future drama. If you don't want to talk to him (as per his wishes) throw them away. Thank you JB. I think I will just put them in my shed for now. No I definitely don't want more drama. He messed up. He can fool himself into thinking I'm like all the others but really there is no one like me. It does still bother me that he thinks lowly of me. He thinks I played him. If I did it's only cause he wouldn't allow himself to take it to the next level which I really did want. And therefore he played me too. Yet I'm the bad guy in his eyes. Go figure.
Author amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Grace, I was not coming down on you, and don't think you handled it wrong. We all make bad decisions from time to time but the worst decision is no decision. For you it seems to have been the right one. It is a new year, enjoy your time with Cali Guy and if it works out -- wondeful. If not, then look at 2007 as a new beginning. Cheers! Thank you Ty. I know you mean no harm. And your words of encouragement are appreciated. Happy New Year to you also!
JCD Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 The only logical reason for me to be with a woman and her children she had by another man is if she makes me an equal or greater priority above her kids. Otherwise, there is no reason to get myself involved with this kind of woman and complicate my life even more. Kids grow up and leave the house and then there is the S/O that remains so it makes sense to treat the S/O well.
Author amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 The only logical reason for me to be with a woman and her children she had by another man is if she makes me an equal or greater priority above her kids. I think you should settle for equal JCD. I don't know of many women who'd make a guy a priority above her children. That's what moms who hook up and stay with molesters do...
Walk Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 He [now exbf] knows how I feel about this guy. But to tell you the truth I'm not even sure if I like him as much as I think I do (the Cali guy). Anyway I'm not telling my BF. Unless I come up with a solution to this. Well I talked to him about it. I told him I won't see the guy when he comes to town but that wasn't good enough. I was honest and I caught crap for it. I'm glad we broke up. His reaction made this whole dilemma of mine extremely easy. You're exbf knew you were hot for this Cali guy, and now you're saying he over reacted to you suggesting Cali guy should come visit you? So you left out the part that you've been in contact with Cali guy while you were still seeing the ex. Either lied, or omitted that important fact. Then you expected your ex to believe that you really wouldn't see the Cali guy after you'd been hiding your communication with the guy for how long? Or at the very least, hid the fact that you and Cali guy were planning to meet up. I don't blame you for acting how you did.. however, you contributed to the problems. I know from experience that if you're holding a flame for another guy while in a relationship, then the other person can tell. Then they hold back out of fear of getting hurt. You said your ex wouldn't meet your parents. Maybe he knew you weren't 100% with him. Maybe he felt that you weren't really commited. I think you could've handled things differently. How would it feel to have someone you love suddenly admit that they've been talking to someone they really want to be with. Suddenly hit you with the fact that they've already set it up to meet with the person, and as an after thought told you. How would that make you feel? I'd be mad, feel betrayed, used, angry, hurt. How did you think your exbf would react? With well wishes for you and Cali guy to have great sex? To send you off with a smile and wave knowing you were going to be comparing him against Cali guy... deciding who you'd rather be with? Was he supposed to be happy with all this? You're coming off sounding high and mighty. Maybe you don't really feel that way.. I dont' know.. but from my view, you were deceitful, and you didn't act with honor. I think you choose an easy way to handle the situation, but not a way that was good. It doesn't mean your a bad person, but sometimes we make bad choices in how to handle situations. I think you're making a bad choice in meeting up with Cali guy too. It's too soon.
Author amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 You're coming off sounding high and mighty. Maybe you don't really feel that way.. I dont' know.. but from my view, you were deceitful, and you didn't act with honor. I think you choose an easy way to handle the situation, but not a way that was good. It doesn't mean your a bad person, but sometimes we make bad choices in how to handle situations. I understand and appreciate what you're saying, in fact I think you mostly always give good advice. I never called the CaliGuy. EVER. He's the one who calls me. I don't even have his number. I don't have caller ID, no cell and no message machine. It's how I live. If I'm home so be it, if not too bad. It's not like I've been contacting him on the side or really thinking of him too much even. I know he's there and I'm here. I was very committed to my exBF. I went over and beyond for him. I even attended Al-Anon to cope with his issues. I truly cared about him, still do actually. Maybe I come off as high and mighty and I can see how you could perceive that about me. I didn't want to hurt my BF. I really didn't. But we were friends before we ever got together and he knew from then how I felt about the CaliGuy. He decided to be my BF anyway knowing this. Yeah maybe I did handle it all wrong, but there are two people in a relationship. My exBF made some choices too. And damn if this thread isn't like a bad penny I don't know what is!
Walk Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Maybe I come off as high and mighty and I can see how you could perceive that about me. I didn't want to hurt my BF. I really didn't. But we were friends before we ever got together and he knew from then how I felt about the CaliGuy. He decided to be my BF anyway knowing this. Yeah maybe I did handle it all wrong, but there are two people in a relationship. My exBF made some choices too. You know your situation best. I don't. You did come off somewhat "high and mighty" but I think it's normal right after a break up. I'm not trying to beat you down or anything.. well, maybe I was subconciously ... but basically if you feel you did the best you could given the situation then take pride in that. I seriously am not one to give advice about break ups or ego anyway. You're an incredibly smart person.. if you know you were right, stick to it! I've only read about 10% of your relationship and past, and you probably only wrote about 15% of how it was. I'm sorry if I offended you though. I read the situation wrong. (I should probably get some sleep now. ) But I do think you need to be cautious about meeting up with Cali guy if it's going to be soon.
Author amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 but basically if you feel you did the best you could given the situation then take pride in that. No I don't think I handled it too well. But my exBF was just here. I was cold but he called and we spoke a little. He said he had no right to go off the way he did when our relationship hadn't ever been clearly defined. He knew what I wanted from him and he doesn't blame me. He apologized for acting in a way he had no right to. I apologized to him again. I told him I'm sorry that I hurt him. I told him I wish I knew how he felt about me but as it is I'm still unsure. He wished me luck with the CaliGuy. He knows Cali is better for me than he could ever be. Being broken and not willing to get fixed and all. But again that's his choice. If I matter so freakin much then step the hell up. And I'm not talking about his drinking. I've accepted that about him long ago. I'm talking about opening up. Letting me in. He said he thinks I wanted to let him know about everything. That I planned it. I told him I took the easy way out and for that I apologized. Anyway it ended with him hanging up on me. Again. But at least it ended.
Recommended Posts