nextel Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I dated a guy years ago and we went our separate ways. He pursued me for the years that we were apart. I decided to give things a try this year. When we began, he gave me his time. When we were together, it was obvious he cared for me. We spent time together. He took a trip to Miami in November and told me that he had his trip planned a while back and was wishing he was not going because his "best friend" who is a female and once dated was on the trip too. He assured me that they were just friends. He contacted me while in Miami. By the time the holidays started coming around, his mannerisms started to change. He would prefer to text me and not call. Thanksgiving and Christmas, we did not spend it together, only got text msgs. So he told me last week that he would miss me during the holidays because he would be with his son (who lives out of state). I did not understand why he would not consider being with me too, but I did not ask. He would send me msgs saying, I miss you, I like you bunches, I NEED YOU, etc etc. When we arrange to speak at a certain time, he would not pick up his phone. This is coming from someone that told me that he wanted to be with me. Needless to say, my voice msgs would be unreturned for days and when he did contact me, it was via text with no mention to me having called previously. So I took it upon myself to really find out why his time had suddenly become scarce. I called him saturday night several times and he would not pick up the phone. So I left him a msg telling him that I was on my way to his house. I just wanted to find out for myself because I was getting frustrated with the lack of common courtesy, and total disregard for my feelings. It was always I need to talk to you. I need you. etc etc. So I got to his house and sure enough, there was another car parked in his drive way. I rang the door bell and he opened the door. I greeted him and asked him if he was ok because I had not heard from him. He stated that he "appreciated the concern" but he was fine. I told him that I had left him a msg but he had not returned my call. He stated that he had been running around with his son and he had been busy. I stated that there was 24 hours in a day and he would have picked up the phone and called me back, but this habit of not returning my calls was past a lack of common courtesy and was plainly disrespectful. I asked him what was going on because there was a car in the drive way. He stated that his "best friend" was over visiting him. I asked if I could meet her to which he stated loudly, "NO. I will tell you what is disrespectful, you coming over to my house unannounced is disrespectful". So I told him that he had told me that we were "exclusive" but his actions led me to start questioning him alot. He got mad at me grabbed me and told me "this is not high school stuff. If I dont call you there is a reason. Dont ever come to my house unannounced. Dont disrespect my house by coming over announced". So, I starred at him in his eyes, and thats when he let go of me. He then proceeded to say, "we have nothing to talk about, dont disrespect my house and come over announced". I looked at him and stated, "you dont have to worry about me coming over announced or unannouced, dont call me and I wont call you" and I left. As I drove off, he was looking through his window. I was venting, I guess I was sucked into something that never really existed. Why would someone lie despite being asked not to drag me into a web of lies and games? Yes, I cried a little because I had trusted him when he told me that being with his son was hard etc etc. I trusted him because he told me that he was not seeing other people, and we were exclusive. Yes, in the past I had gone to his house unannouced and he never did question it. The sad thing is that....he really played me. I was the girl he tried to mold to his convinence, and was treated "second class". I guess it does not pay to be a good girl ha?
justagirliegirl Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 There is nothing wrong with wanting to trust the one you are with. It is terrible he turned out to be a lying two timing jerk but good thing you found out. He was angry cause you caught him red handed. You disrespecting him by showing up there. lol what a joke. What about him disrespecting you by cheating on you! I don't like that he put his hands on you. Say good bye and good riddance to the worthless sack of poo.
Author nextel Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Thank you for reading my post. You told me something I had been telling myself and it was good for me to hear it from someone else. Yes, he got caught red handed fair and square. He did not think that I had the gutts to go to his house. His anger is very displaced. Anyways, the bottomline is that....whoever was in his house, is more important than me....so I will leave well enough alone.
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I agree with justagirliegirl. Hope this experience doesn't put you off trusting all guys because they are not all like this 'sack of poo' you dated.
Touche Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 No, you can still be the good girl. It DOES pay. Why stoop to his level? You have class and he doesn't. What a loser. Hope you find better in the coming new year!
boshemia Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Yeah for you! You handled it very, very well. You have every right to want to know what is going on when he doesn't want to see you... and now you know. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why he did it, you never will and it will just make you feel lousy. Just stand firm... As for being disrespectful... I agree it was very disrecspectful... of him... to keep you hanging on when it was obvious that he didn't plan on keeping you. If he calls to say he's sorry do yourself a favor... agree with him, he is a sorry azz... Good for you!
Author nextel Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 I am not crying over it. Just so empty inside, ya know. I really thought that I had a good man until the holidays started and he showed his true colors. I really pray that one day, I will have a good man by the time NYE comes around. Have not had that in years. Thank you for the responses.
Touche Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I am not crying over it. Just so empty inside, ya know. I really thought that I had a good man until the holidays started and he showed his true colors. I really pray that one day, I will have a good man by the time NYE comes around. Have not had that in years. Thank you for the responses. It will happen for you. Some people on here know my story. I prayed because I was about to do myself in. And I found my man within 24 hours of that. Just hang in there. It will happen. Just continue to live your life. Don't appear desperate. Good luck, Nextel! I'm rooting for you!
Island Girl Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 What a piece of work this guy is! He orchestrated a relationship that he could have at his conveniece. He stifled growth because it would draw youcloser and you would behave in a more familiar way (i.e showing up unannounced, etc.). He sends those texts which were only to keep you available to him (exclusively). Then he has the nerve to say you disrespected HIM when you catch him with one of the others (he is stringing her along too)!! You don't need him - and whatever you thought was attractive or appealing you now know was a facade. Why would he do that when you talked to him specifically about NOT doing that to you? --- Because he is a selfish, lying, hypocritical cheater who doesn't think past his own wants. I am glad you found out and can move into the New Year without the dead weight of a cheating liar. You handled the situation perfectly so good for you! You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince -- this just means you are one step closer...
Author nextel Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 for the encouragement and words of wisdom. Someone on here suggested that I pray and I did. No I did not meet anyone. My girlfriends and I went out and I had a really wonderful time. We danced all night. And my phone rang with many "Happy New Year" msgs from people I had not spoken to in a while. It was really a wonderful evening and I will continue to replay it. What happened in 2006, I will do everything in my power to keep it in 2006. I am human and obviously I will hurt at what happened, but I have every intent on looking foward to the future. Thank you for the encouragements, and words of wisdom. Nextel.
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