marlena Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I feel I need to give you a little more info!!! I a woman of 52, divorced many years now. I feel my chances of ever finding that so longed-for soul mate who will be with me in these difficult years ahead are rapidly fading. I feel alone and vulnerable (my daughter lives in another country) and sad that time and again I have been hurt so devastatingly by men. It seems I keep making the wrong choices and this I can not forgive myself for. I should have the wisdom of my years. I have a strong support system (many friends and loving family) but even they can't fill the void that only the love and caring of a man can.
Author marlena Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Could someone please give me some insight into my situation for i can not see clearly. Is this man really separated do you think? Could he still be living with his wife? How then could he see me and talk for hours on the phone at night? Is he single and pretending to be married so that I can get disgusted and take off? I don't know what to think anymore...I am so totally confused....Was it wrong for me to ask hiw intentions... to react so hurtly and not try to understand him as he accused me of doing? Should I have stuck around and see what would happen? I was so afraid that if I did that I would be setting myself for disaster and more pain? Like I said I had been down that hellish path before.... When I asked him why he didn;t tell me from the start he said that he was afraid I wouldn't date him or even I agree to see him....and that later e had to tell me because the guilt was killing him....Was this a legitimate reason? God, I know I'm too old to be wondering these things I should no better but when it comes to matters of the heart it seems we all seem to regress into our puberty years...Any input would be greatly appreciated...and how do I stick to this NC thing? It's killing me ... all the uncertainty....
Art_Critic Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Is this man really separated do you think? Could he still be living with his wife? I am a new member so hello to all you nice people out there whose posts have helped me tremendously over the last few miserable days of 2006. Here's my problem and I do so hope I get some much desperately needed answers. I met someone online and after a month of e- mails and daily extended phone calls we finally met. The chemisry was incredible and we hit it off right away. I felt myself falling for him and thought he was too. Everything seemed perfect but a feeling that this was too good to be true kept nagging at me. He was always very intense if not outright nervy when with me. I couldn't explain it. Within two weeks he said he loved me. Though everything was so perfect in many ways there was a problem in bed... a problem regarding his performance. He was so stressed. One night after trying perhaps for the eighth time in a row I was feeling frustrated and so went into the living room and he nonchalantly walked in and said..."oh, well, we played and lost". I felt so indignant a bad argument ensued. The next morning he called and cried and said I did a number on him that he was in the hospital because he was ill all night. Anyway, we made things up. Things seemed to be going better and then three weeks down the line he asked to talk and confessed that he wasn't oficially divorced as he had said he was (I am divorced for many years) that he had been married twice, led a vagrant life and that he had to come clean or else I would have found out from others. He said that he was living separately from his wife for six years. I couldn't believe him. I was devastated! In retrospect I realized he had lied many times to me. Tho I asked to see his place he would always make excuses. I felt so hurt and hated myself for once more being stupid and gullible. When I asked him if he would file for divorce he wouldn't answer and said that was his business tho at first he said he would. He saked me to stop calling and texting so I am on NC five days now and it's killing me. He said that if I loved him he I would have been more understanding and not reacted that way. He said I could only email him because all of this was causing him too much stress and making him ill. I am in a quandary and don't know what to do. Please help! I really fell for the guy but I am afraid to go down that path again. I was involved with a mm for five years and it nearly killed me. Should I believe him? Should I give him a second chance and give hime the understanding and love that he says I haven't done? Any advice greatly appreciated. This man is trouble with a capital T.. there seems to be red flags flying all over the place.. The biggest is the lies.. I personally think he is not telling you the truth about his marriage. Please continue with the NC.. You know that if you don't you will get sucked into his web of deceit and getting out will take you years and he will not divorce his wife.. He said he has been separated 6 years.. I think that is a lie. At first he tells you he isn't officially divorced then you find out that he has never even filed divorce.. He is still married
Author marlena Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Dear friend, Thank you so much replying. You have no idea how much it means to me. When we are caught up in our emotions it is so hard to think straight. Yes, he probably is marrie and like I said I never want no outright refuse to tread that road to hell agian... I learnet my lesson the last time and so that's why i didn't give hime the understanding that he asked for. He said I couldn't love him if I didn't have the need to understand him... But like you said, what is there to understand about deceit and subterfuge???? He wanted to turn the tables on me and make me feel so guilty ... which at times I do when plagued ...but ifs????? I was decieved because he was available or seemed so...talking late into the night, replying immedaitely to texting and such... HOW CAN THAT BE?????If i had had any inkling of I would not have agreed to meet with him at all. I hope you have a nice New Years EVe and a wonderful year, helath and happiness and peace in yr heart
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