marlena Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I am a new member so hello to all you nice people out there whose posts have helped me tremendously over the last few miserable days of 2006. Here's my problem and I do so hope I get some much desperately needed answers. I met someone online and after a month of e- mails and daily extended phone calls we finally met. The chemisry was incredible and we hit it off right away. I felt myself falling for him and thought he was too. Everything seemed perfect but a feeling that this was too good to be true kept nagging at me. He was always very intense if not outright nervy when with me. I couldn't explain it. Within two weeks he said he loved me. Though everything was so perfect in many ways there was a problem in bed... a problem regarding his performance. He was so stressed. One night after trying perhaps for the eighth time in a row I was feeling frustrated and so went into the living room and he nonchalantly walked in and said..."oh, well, we played and lost". I felt so indignant a bad argument ensued. The next morning he called and cried and said I did a number on him that he was in the hospital because he was ill all night. Anyway, we made things up. Things seemed to be going better and then three weeks down the line he asked to talk and confessed that he wasn't oficially divorced as he had said he was (I am divorced for many years) that he had been married twice, led a vagrant life and that he had to come clean or else I would have found out from others. He said that he was living separately from his wife for six years. I couldn't believe him. I was devastated! In retrospect I realized he had lied many times to me. Tho I asked to see his place he would always make excuses. I felt so hurt and hated myself for once more being stupid and gullible. When I asked him if he would file for divorce he wouldn't answer and said that was his business tho at first he said he would. He saked me to stop calling and texting so I am on NC five days now and it's killing me. He said that if I loved him he I would have been more understanding and not reacted that way. He said I could only email him because all of this was causing him too much stress and making him ill. I am in a quandary and don't know what to do. Please help! I really fell for the guy but I am afraid to go down that path again. I was involved with a mm for five years and it nearly killed me. Should I believe him? Should I give him a second chance and give hime the understanding and love that he says I haven't done? Any advice greatly appreciated.
Guest Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Hi there ... I too was involved with a married man and it destroyed my marriage of twenty-one years. My MM always told me that he was too much of a family man to leave his wife, but I hung on thinking I had to be worth it in the end. Guess what, after six years he is still with his wife and I am alone. Do not fall for his lies. He has been deceitful from the beginning, and will continue to be for as long as he is getting HIS needs met. That is all he is concerned with. I know from experience. You are not the loser, he is. You are a trusting person who has needs too, but he has abused your vulnerablity and those needs. I know it is difficult to find someone in this age of computer dating, but hang in there. You will find a man who is available, both emotionally and physically if you get rid of Mr. Cheat!
Author marlena Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Thank you so much for replying! I know exactly what you are talking about. You see a few years back I also had an A with a MM that lasted five years and it nearly killed me! I also thought that in the end love would overcome all. Looking back now I see how foolishly I believed in him and the love I thought we shared. His wife found out and came after me and my daughter with a vengeance! I wound up going to shrink that put me on medication. So you see, that's why this time I had to run!!! I was so afraid the nightmare would start all over. Even if he were seriously separated and not living with his spouse I just didn't want to take that risk. I am trying to be strong and not give in. I am terribly sorry that your marriage was ruined for a person that didn't deserve an iota of your attention let alone love. Did you and your husband finally divorce? I hope not. I hope you are still together trying to work things out! Are you ever afraid of repeating the same mistake? Or are sure you will never allow this to happen again. Hope today you are happier than then.
Recommended Posts