fungirl9876 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I need a bit of a different perspective on this! So I dated this guy for 2 months. I'm a 22 yr. old African American female, he's a 24 Jewish male. Our race and religious differences never seemed to pose a problem, but who knows? Everything was great from the beginning. I travel a great deal for my job (usually Mon.-Fri. for about 7 weeks straight at a time with maybe 1 week at home somewhere in between) and he would send cute little texts and we would talk on the phone a good deal (about 3 times a week) and when I came home on the weekends, we spent ample time together. Nothing to complain about. Everything was good! We got to the one month mark and I asked for a status update..Basically how he felt about things. He said everything was great and the relationship was growing strong. Flash forward, I finally get two weeks at home and I'm super excited. This gives me a chance to spend some quality time with him instead of spending about 12 hours together before having to catch a flight again. So, the first week, on Mon. we make dinner together and watch a movie and cuddle, Tues. we go to a concert together and have a good time there. Wed. we have lunch together, then I give him his space until Friday night when go bar hopping with our friends. It was a good time. Sat., we go to my company's holiday party together and finally Sun.the 17th, we get some exercise in and he invites me over to participate in a Jewish tradition with his parents...very cute. He then walks me out to the car after dinner and watching a bit of tv with his family and I get the cutest goodnight kiss ever. Then, things change. We don't talk on the phone everyday, but I don't hear from him until Wed. night when I call him...no invitation to do anything on Mon. Tues. Wed...no phone call, no contact whatsoever. So Thursday comes around, and I'm sure we're gonna hangout but his friends end up not going out which is fine as I just go out with my friends. I crash at his place downtown that night since it's like less than a mile from the bars and everything seems fine. Friday, the 22nd (our 2 months together) comes around and he stops by and basically says "We need to talk. I know I've been distant this week, and It's just because my heart isn't into it!!!" What the hell?? I never got that indication one bit. What could have went wrong here? Is he just afraid? Maybe it's just because I'm a female, but I don't understand how you can act like your heart is into it when it's not. Of course our hearts can't be completely into it as we'd only dated for 2 months. I really don't understand. Everything seemed to be going well, at least from what I could tell. Any perspective is welcomed.
Ironman75 Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 There could be so many reasons why... It could be any reason or it could be thats how he really feels. The fact your always gone. Which thats your job so don't feel bad about that. But it can be a part of it. Maybe he felt that you wanted alittle more out of it then he did and got scared. Mabey he like someone else I hate to say that being a man but if it is at least he's ending it with you first. I know that doesn't make it easier but at least he's being a man about it. Even though he should of talked with you before making such a big decision. But some times as men we don't think first we react (not saying you gave him reason to). And contary to what women think we don't want to hurt someone if we can aviod it. You are both still young and going through changes. One day we want one thing the next some thing else. I know how I was when I was 24. Not sure what I wanted so I tried it all. So don't take it personal like your not good enough just learn from it and be glad at least he kept it real with you. And hey if you did nothing wrong then his loss right. Because something tells me your a strong woman. So keep your head up and move on. Unless there is some thing to save.
notmakingsense Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 You mentioned that you've only dated him for 2 months, and that you are mostly away except on the weekends. That means that you must not have spent much time with him at all, maybe 7 or 8 weekends, right? That's only about 16 days. Maybe it is because this latest time was the one of the few times that went longer than a few days at a stretch? I'll bet that he's just scared or has changed his mind, or whatever. Just consider yourself lucky that he did this so early in the relationship rather than later on when it would hurt more.
chryssy83 Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 It hasn't been long that you've been dating. I have found that in a very short relationship like this one, it can be something really tiny that makes people not want to see each other. I think at this stage, we're more likely to follow our intuitions without explaining things away or giving "second chances." It sounds to me like there is probably nothing wrong with you that made him decide he wasn't that into the relationship. I know it sucks to feel rejected and can be confusing when it comes out of nowhere like this...but you need to be sad for only a moment and then shrug this thing off. You sound like a great girl who is independent and has a ton to offer. You'll find the guy who appreciates how fantastic you are!!
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