Vermillion Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 X posted, sorry... Put it in the wrong spot. So I’ve been seeing this guy for a little while. Things were going very well, or at least it seemed that way. Last week we had the “exclusive” talk, he brought it up… he said he wanted it to be official. So it was agreed that we were together, no longer just hanging out or what not. Now I’m getting the brush off, no explanation… and I just don’t get it He was supposed to come over last night. Told me he’d call me at a certain time when he was done with his business. That time rolls around, no call. I try him, he doesn’t answer his phone. Try him a couple more times throughout the night, leave a message asking what’s up… nothing. I'm 99% sure that he was home, with access to his phone or computer, so he would have been able to reach me somehow if something came up... So, I'm feeling pretty positive that he's blowing me off here without the decency to tell me what's up. I don't understand. Why does this happen? How can a guy go from so in to you, and wanting to be with you, to... this? No warning. I am sure he hasn't met someone else. So what else could it be?
confucious Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Hi Vermillion... There ARE other possible explanations for his "no call no show", but most of these involve hospitals and other morbid things... assuming it is not this then... It is possible there was a misunderstanding in 'plans' and he royally messed up, was away from phones doing whatever for however long...unlikely, but possibleit is possible he got freaked, despite the fact HE brought up exclusivity, and backed out...sometimes people have issues we can never guess at and have never even heard of.thing is - he should have called - if there was no massive misunderstanding in plans, his not calling is just immensly thoughtless and, regardless of the reasons (barring death), may be a good indicator of what his character is really made of. I would NEVER disappear like that...I would call and beg off ill, or say something dire came up - BUT I would call, appologize, and re-schedule!!!I think respect is one of the most important aspects of a relationship...we all deserve it and should all GET it. Good Luck Vermillion!
Curmudgeon Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 One more time then! One of the great mysteries of dating I suppose. Barring the unforseen such as a serious accident requiring hospitalization or rushing off unexpectedly to attend to a seriously ill relative, I'd say he's simply inconsiderate, or worse. For some men, getting there is all the fun and once you've arrived, it's time for another challenge. Of course, I suppose he could have merely fallen into a deep sleep. Bottom line - you won't really know until you ask him.
Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. That sucks, and I know that feeling WELL. Alot of us have been blown off one time or another, and waiting by the phone, wondering what you could have done wrong is about the worst feeling in the world. I agree with Confucious. No matter what your BF's reasoning is, this is disrespectful, hurtful, and inconsiderate. In this situation, you've done nothing wrong. It does, however, sound like a typical blow-off -- and there may be a couple reasons for that. I'm nor sure what your age is, but if you're in your late teens to early or mid-20s, this kind of behavior is not that uncommon. It's just unfortunate. If you should talk to him again, don't be afraid to take him to task for this. You deserve an answer and an apology. If a), you don't hear from him SOON, or b) you talk to him and he is indignant about it, then leave him. From what it sounds like, you shouldn't be in a relationship like this anyway. Find someone who deserves you.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 maybe he fell asleep..he still should have called u back though. like everyone else said he might have freaked out that now he is in a relationship and stuff. i dated a guy once who worked so hard to impress me (expensive dates, came up to m college to visit me, ect.) then after a week of being "exclusive" totally blew me off without warning. some guys like the thrill of the chase and then when they realize they have the committment of a gf its not what they wanted afterall. i think u should just ask him what happened and see what he says. u deserve to have a guy who respects u and if this guy doesnt then i say u should just forget him and try to find a guy who will.
Author Vermillion Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 Thanks. I appreciate the insight. To be honest, I am NO stranger myself when it comes to freaking out when things start to get serious… The second I start having real feelings for someone I tend to run, or sabotage. And it pisses me off because we’ve discussed these concerns, and he reassured me that I didn't have to worry about this with him. It just sucks so much, I didn't see this coming. It would be really nice to have some answers, but alas, I don't feel like I'll be getting them anytime soon.
Individual3 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Hmm, maybe he just needs some time to himself so he can miss you. If this is the case, I think you should leave him alone for a while and let him call you first. Find some hobbies to keep yourself busy and occupied so you don't obsess about this. Go to the gym, read a book, watch a movie, hang out with your friends. See if he comes around then.
norajane Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Aaaagghhh! I absolutely hate when guys just drop off the face of the earth like that! I thought men were all about being MEN - strong, tough, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They certainly spend a lot of time trying to impress us with their manliness. But, oh, put them in a relationship and they turn into weak littles wusses, unable to face conflict and unable to "man-up" and be honest with their ladies about WTF is going on. Not calling is a wussy way out of a relationship. Disappearing without a word is a coward's way out. Not living up to their word and being unreliable is weak. [/rant] Vermillion, I'm sorry this happened. Sure, there may be a reasonabe explanation, but it's not likely. Unless he's in the hospital, he could have taken 5 minutes to call you and tell you he wasn't going to be able to see you as he had said he would. Some men are just inconsiderate cowards when it comes to dating.
Curmudgeon Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I thought men were all about being MEN - strong, tough, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They certainly spend a lot of time trying to impress us with their manliness. But, oh, put them in a relationship and they turn into weak littles wusses, unable to face conflict and unable to "man-up" and be honest with their ladies about WTF is going on. DANG! What kind of men have you been going out with? If that's your experience then your man-picker really needs some fine tuning because it's decidedly out of whack. Agreed! Some men are like that, but by no means all of us.
norajane Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 DANG! What kind of men have you been going out with? If that's your experience then your man-picker really needs some fine tuning because it's decidedly out of whack. Agreed! Some men are like that, but by no means all of us. My man-picker needs adjusting, certainly, but I challenge you to find one woman who has never had the experience of dealing with the Amazing Disappearing Boyfriend.
Curmudgeon Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I doubt that I can. My wife experienced that with her first fiance and also with her first husband (not the same people). Then she married a loser and said to hell with men and after divorcing him spent 18 years single and unattached. Her picked was decidedly flawed. Of course, it healed nicely before we got together (celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary today) but during the early years she had some really deeply ingrained trust and abandonment issues.
accurized Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Same thing happened to me this week. Been together for two months and now for the past two weeks she totally shut me out and has finally told me she's not ready for a relationship. We had so much fun in the beginning I stayed with her a lot and we saw each other almost every day. Now it's over because she says she wasn't ready for this.
Poboy Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 OP , there's also that something urgent or an emergency situation might have come up ... dont be put off over one no call , try again today or tomm and then see .
Author Vermillion Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Thanks everyone. I must say that this is VERY weird. He’s had his phone shut off (not just ignoring my calls, completely shut off) since Friday night and he hasn’t logged online since then either, which is very unusual for him. Seems like a lot to go through just to avoid me, when he could just send my calls to ignore and block me online, so I don’t know. It’s very unlike him. Most of me is still thinking the worst, relationship wise, but some of that is now replaced with genuine concern for him. I’m going to stop over there today, so hopefully I’ll have some answers soon.
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