Sylvanis Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I've been wanting to talk with anyone about this issue I have, and to get unbiased feedback, which is difficult from friends and my mostly my mom . I'm in a relationship, and I think it's been 3 years, roughly. I love him, i'll call him mr. x. I can't help it, but i've had a "wondering" eye for quite some time, and I've tried to ignore it. Problem is, i'm not realy psychically attracted to mr. x anymore. I believe it has something to do with him not taking care of himself, and not having ANY ambition, and it KILLS my sex drive. I keep thinking of different men I've met, friends and whatnot, and am regulary having sexual fantasies about them, and I can't help it, but it's so exciting, it's like I need some excitement in my life. Mr. x. loves sex, would take it all the time if he could. I've had ongoing health problems, and so have gone through long periods of time without sex. If it's the ambition thing that is killing my sex drive, what can I do? I have asked him what he wants to do with his life, but he just doesn't know. He hates his job, and would rather spend money on weed then even personal hygiene. He sits and plays video games, and barely makes enough to pay me half rent. I pay everything else. He is a really great person, but I'm tired of living the way we have, going nowhere and only degrading in lifestyle. I know money isn't everything, but I WANT to do things. He seems he would rather sit on the couch. He is 6 years older then I am, so he's more of a homebody and I am just restless. I could go on, but I have already written so much. -angela:)
TudorII Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I see plenty of reasons for you to move on just from your own words so why exactly are you staying in this relationship?
Author Sylvanis Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 Hi Yeah when I read what I have written I wonder why I am still in this relationship as well. We are best friends. I think that if we had enough money, then both of us would get out of the slump we are in, and be able to "do more stuff". He has no money, and bad credit, so he can't even go to school, and only has a high school GED. This restless feeling I feel, perhaps I need an adventure, and I'm just looking at other guys for the rush. I would never want to cheat on mr. x. but i feel that i'm getting to some kind of breaking point. I know for a fact, that he has (in the past) spoken with an ex girlfriend and if I didn't find out, i'm sure would have cheated on me. He says he would never, but still this keeps coming back to me, as a reminder. If it were you, what certain things would you consider in saving the relationship? I know this is so wrong, but there is this one guy who i would love to hook up with just once and have the raunchiest sex with, I mean, mind blowing!! And I know we both would , (an old friend that wanted to have a relationship with me in the past). okay, if it were him in this situation, at this point right now, I wouldn't really care, but I'm tired now, and maybe in the morning I might feel different. thanks muchly
ultimon Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 i was once in your bf's situation in the sense that he's taking you for granted in a ltr. I'm sure that he loves you a lot but I doubt he would change his lifestyle unless you leave him and do NC. Then you will the motivation for him to change his lifestyle, sadly i think this is the only way for him to change. But since he's already in such a degraded lifestyle, he might go into chronic depression if u leave him. But it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. May i also suggest that you end the relationship for real BEFORE you start dating other guys! I find that girls are to quick to find another guy after a breakup... but thats another story.
Lei Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 why not try asking him? ask him if he really loves you and he should put it into actions. you know love means actions. a very good relationships involve give-and-take. if he really loves you, he can surely change his life. he might says these words "yes, i'm willing to change. i'm not promising but i'll do my best. but, would you help me out?" that's it! hope that what i am thinking will work... God bless!
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