Addicted?

[TheHandsomeStranger]

Hey everyone, it's my first post here. I have enjoyed lurking here for a while and reading all of your threads and responses. You seem like good people.

 

I have been in a very serious relationship for about four months now. Yes, I know, that sounds like I rushed into it. And, I suppose by accepted standards, I did. Or, we did. Of course, it is more complicated than it may seem at face value (one must take into account the fact that my SO and I knew each other as youngsters almost 20 years ago, and that we have several crucial things in common that made it VERY easy for us to find comfort in one another. It may go without saying that we had a "built-in" security with one another).

 

Things have been going great. She and I definitely use the "L" world, and when we say it, we mean it.

 

If everything is so great, though, what could the problem be?

 

Unfortunately, being in a relationship has shown me what an over-worried, insecure guy I am. I realized that I have a very hard time trusting women, even though I know I have nothing to worry about (this may be due to my somewhat poor track record with them. I, like many of you, have been screwed over a lot). She has given me no reason whatsoever to worry. She is completely loyal and incredibly considerate.

 

And it's not that I'm afraid she's going to cheat, because I'm not. In a bizarre twist, I am afraid that my insecurities are going to dirve her away and cause her to lose interest.

 

It may be due to the fact that she and I were/are one of those couples who sees each other NON stop, which I know was fueled by our horrendously conflicting schedules (in all of our time together, we have had about two of the same days off). I guess we over-compensate.

 

I have not handled this well. Since we are so hungry for each other --as we seem to see so little of one another-- contact with friends and participation in "normal" routines has definitely decreased for both of us. In my own weird way, I have become addicted to her.

 

And I admitted as much to her (she thought it was sweet). But it isn't so cute. When she tells me she can't see me on a certain night (which is a rarity as she devotes most of the week to me, and I to her), my feelings are hurt and my ego is bruised. Tonight, in fact, when she said she wouldn't be able to come out, I let this irritation get the best of me and had a difficult time masking it. And she could tell. Five minutes letter I called back, apologized, and admitted this to her.

 

My girlfriend is patient, and very loving, and extremely loyal, but I fear I am walking a fine line between just being insecure and telling her of these insecurities, removing all doubt of my insecurities, and scaring her away as a result. This is the last thing in the world I want.

 

I just seem to have developed a bad, bad habit. And I know it's my own fault.

 

I guess I don't have much of a question per se, but I was wondering if anyone has been through the same thing and might have some suggestions on how to deal with, and/or stop such insecurity (and yes, I know Rome wasn't build in a day).

 

Thanks,

The Stranger

[Guest]

Hey I'm there right with ya. I know it's because I was screwed over in my last relationship. I'm trying to just go with the flow and not let myself ruin a good thing. Easier said than done. Just hang in there. She seems willing to work with you.

 

scubadiver