Author so gutted Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 I feel a bit trapped now. I think I have led him on. He is in contact with me again today. He had new years plans from before but he has kept in touch, but everything has a sexual undertone. What do i say? How do i keep it civil?
Touche Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I feel a bit trapped now. I think I have led him on. He is in contact with me again today. He had new years plans from before but he has kept in touch, but everything has a sexual undertone. What do i say? How do i keep it civil? I would be honest with him. Tell him that you don't think you're looking for the same things. I wouldn't keep leading him on. He's looking for sex only and you're not. Why continue this? You don't owe him a thing. Just tell him he seems like a nice guy but you have different expectations.
IpAncA Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 I would be honest with him. Tell him that you don't think you're looking for the same things. I wouldn't keep leading him on. He's looking for sex only and you're not. Why continue this? You don't owe him a thing. Just tell him he seems like a nice guy but you have different expectations. Yep that's pretty much all you can do.
Author so gutted Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 well after spending so much time with me in cyber, he has gone DEAD COLD. Usually - i would have met the cyber man by now, but as usual i got carried away fantasizing and spending time on him - and he isnt even able to reply to an email. I sent him a 1 liner ( we have done this a few times) saying "hey where are you" ...or something along those lines. that was yesterday - no answer. I know he is busy this weekend - he told me BUT for a person that relies on email so much - he could have responded. I just dont learn. I waste so much effort on these guys. He seemed so genuine and INTERESTED in the small things. He spent all this time on line ( I thought he was being old fashioned - waiting to be asked on a date) and now he has switched off completly. He seemed to be so into me. I made plans ( in my head) about him. We seemed to have so much in common and i really thought he was taking his time... This is so cruel. Again - i have made the effort and "chased" and now he probably thinks im desperate. Question is - when he does come back ( i think he may do ) how do i say "lets meet - your wasting too much of my time in cyber/ im waiting ....we havnt even spoken on the phone yet!" is he a complete timewaster? why????????
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I think you need to leave him alone. If he wanted to get back to you he would have...And hasn't...Hate to say it but the more you chase him the more he's going to ignore you. And, once you leave him alone, I am sure he'll come looking for you. That is when you send him a note saying goodbye, have a nice life. Go out and meet men in RL, not online. Online is too fanasy like and you can get hooked, kinda like being on LS all the time! hehehe..
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 He is probably married. quote] Agree with this one...
Author so gutted Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 i find that i do not meet men in real life, apart from at work ( they are all now hooked up). I got to get out of the chasing men habit. This is what happens when your real life friends have moved on, leaving me with less people to call on. One of my closest friends is acting funny with me, she wont go out and keeps pulling out very immaturely last minute. My other mates are the same or dont have the finance to go out. so Im left hunting the net. do i sign on to msn or not - thats where he normally is? he has my number and hasnt texted me for ages...so i guess he has moved on or is married however i know where he lives, surely he wouldnt tell me if he was married ( unless tahts another lie). Im seeing this pattern a lot. Men - back of when it suits them, so how do u get one for keeps, if you dont understand why they KEEP backing off?
melodymatters Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Gutted, From your posts you sound pretty confused ! Nothing wrong with that, but your best bet now is to get "unconfused". First of all, make a list of what YOU honestly want from a man. A steady BF, potential husband, just lots of dates with different men ? This latest guy sounded like he was running the show. You need to take back control, it's YOUR life, your not a bit player in somone elses life ! Decide what you want, don't settle for less, and make a plan to seek out only those who meet your criteria ! You can meet men anywhere, some of my most important relationships came from silly things like meeting at a car wash, wal mart, and yes, a couple online, but from a mainstream site, people who were also looking for relationships. Good luck !
Author so gutted Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 What i want is a relationship. I have stopped aiming for a potential husband as i end up talking marraige too soon and they run off. I want a relationship leading to a future. I made the mistake of putting up the wrong type of profile and now im meeting the wrong men. This one started off saying no strings attached in his profile. from talking to him he seemed to want more then a one nighter. but now he has gone so quiet it seems like he wants NSA or nothing.
Craig Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I want a relationship leading to a future. Now that is a superb thing to put in your profile!
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 The energy you're giving off is probably something that could be putting men off. I don't mean that in a mean way, k, so don't be upset that I've said that. Sometimes when one tries TOO hard, it actually backfires.... Go out more. Take a course, or join up to a photography class, something that you'll meet others. Sometimes when you're least expecting it, you'll meet someone and click...Just online it's going to be harder for you, many people can mess with your mind, lie and play games...And it seems you wear your heart on your sleeve so you can get hurt.
Author so gutted Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 You are spot on. For the past few years i have gone on lots of dates with people i met online. This was from a serious profile, stating long term prospects. of course the men didnt think so but it took me a few years to work out that just because they are paying a fee to join a website it doesnt mean that they are going to be any better then the scum on free websites. I have now gone to the other extreme and put up a more casual profile - getting me casual offers - which i try and change into serious ones.........big mistake. i have tried to stop internet dating as its going very very badly wrong. But its hard to go through life just working and coming home as human beings WE WANT MORE.................yes im trying to hard, but how else do i get someone?reality doesnt work for me, im shy.
Author so gutted Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 We just had another bland conversation online. He hasnt called me yet........ what is his game? does he just want to stay online? u cant have sex online ? Maybe i should block him... I just thought he might bring up - meeting up ?
Gala Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 There are a lot of people in the online universe who are very happy to keep their interactions there...they might even come off as incredibly expressive and torrid and amazing, but for whatever emotional/situational reasons they don't pick up the phone and don't come through with a real meetup. Also - in terms of the some of the people who respond to one online, it doesn't matter what you've posted about yourself or what you're seeking. (I've had profiles in which I said I wasn't looking to date anyone w/kids, and this guy w/3 kids kept sending me messages. He seemed OK, but I finally had to say yo -- I meant no kids, sorry.) All this to say that you REALLY have to be aware about what you expect, what cues you're looking for, etc. If someone never even suggests talking on the phone, this is a clue that he/she might not want to progress beyond the virtual.
Author so gutted Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 I had it out with him casually. Asked him ( jokingly) if he exists...he said that he has been very busy, he isnt married, we have chatted a lot , he needs a sexy woman in his life....and he promises that we will meet soon..... 2 days later - we spoke again ( online of course) and had our first argument. I was wound up for a while. I dont believe this busy business. He doesnt seem to lack confidence ( unless its all lies) so why wont he pursue meeting. I have hinted once - now its up to him.
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 There's nothing you can say, because talk is cheap. If you want to set the tone of no sex that night, meet in a public place, like Starbucks. Nothing says "I don't want sex" like a meeting at Starbucks. Oh come on WXER, you mean to tell me you've never taken advantage of the facilities?
Author so gutted Posted January 14, 2007 Author Posted January 14, 2007 Its me so gutted - its not allowing me to log in! Anyway - after 3 days silence he was online. We ended chatting for 2 hours again. I casually asked him if he had got my text. He said no. This is either a lie or very strange. He has left the site we met on. He siad it was too much trouble. Does this mean he isnt looking at all. I asked if he meant me as well, he said that he likes talking to me...after a few hints he said he would like to meet for real....but no dates or anything. I cant hint anymore. He knows the score. If he is ignoring my texts and waiting for me to log on to talk then its too comfortable for him. How did i get hooked to him? What can i do?
IpAncA Posted January 14, 2007 Posted January 14, 2007 Can't tell you what to do but if he knows where you stand and you know where he stands then you can either meet him or not.
Guest Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I cant let go..........we are STILL chatting online..........why doesnt he want to talk on the phone??????? why does he talk as though we have a future, when he wont meet? How do I break this very dangerous cycle of dependency?
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