so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I am talking to a man online. He seems well mannered and well established etc. In fact he is all that was missing in the others. Thing is - we may be after different things. He wants to meet. I dont want to have a full on physical relationship with him. How can i mention that beforehand without appearing frigid. I like him and dont want to lose the chance.I want him to respect me. We had a conversation about sex/etc but he just seemed curious, as was i. He said he wants someone he can spend time with, but he is very very busy. He loves his job but works long hours. He also said it is hard for things to be permanent - coz of his job. is he being honest or just after sex? He did say he doesnt want a one nighter either. I need to get things clear before i make another mistake and then sit by the phone in agony for a month. should i meet him? how can i express that im not a good lay and im not after sex only????tips please...any quotes would be great..what can i actually say ?
westernxer Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 There's nothing you can say, because talk is cheap. If you want to set the tone of no sex that night, meet in a public place, like Starbucks. Nothing says "I don't want sex" like a meeting at Starbucks.
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Yeah you could met in a public place and from there just get to know the guy. Sure you could tell him but you probably won't have to. Sounds like he doesn't want anything serious at the moment but if you do then it might not work out.
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 i dont think he will agree to meet in starbucks. i think this may be my own fault. i put up a profile of a horny nature on a site. Now - i m wanting more. can i backtrack?
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 tell him what? if i tell him no sex - then he will get offended. i just want a happy medium.
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Tell him that you don't want sex unless thats what you want. If you put up some horny site, he probably has something sexual in mind.
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 it wasnt really horny - like i want sex etc. i just mentioned that physical attraction is needed...at the time i thought that was what i wanted. thats probably why i got him. his said: no strings attached.......
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Lol! Okay because that would have sex written all over it then. IMO if he say that he wants no strings then its most likely that he doesn't want a realtionship but if he said that he doesn't want a one night stand, then I'm not sure what he wants. Maybe a bunch of one night stands, who knows. Maybe be just wants someone to talk to or hang out with once in a while.
Touche Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 it wasnt really horny - like i want sex etc. i just mentioned that physical attraction is needed...at the time i thought that was what i wanted. thats probably why i got him. his said: no strings attached....... Don't meet him. You will be dissapointed. You want two entirely different things. Do you know what "no strings attached" means?
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 To me is sounds like he just wants a sex buddy.
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 it wasnt really horny - like i want sex etc. i just mentioned that physical attraction is needed...at the time i thought that was what i wanted. thats probably why i got him. his said: no strings attached....... What kind of online dating site would he feel okay with putting "no strings attached"??? Adult Friend Finder?? Sounds like he 100% is looking for just sex.
Lonestar Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I am talking to a man online. He seems well mannered and well established etc. In fact he is all that was missing in the others. Thing is - we may be after different things. He wants to meet. I dont want to have a full on physical relationship with him. How can i mention that beforehand without appearing frigid. I like him and dont want to lose the chance.I want him to respect me. We had a conversation about sex/etc but he just seemed curious, as was i. He said he wants someone he can spend time with, but he is very very busy. He loves his job but works long hours. He also said it is hard for things to be permanent - coz of his job. is he being honest or just after sex? He did say he doesnt want a one nighter either. I need to get things clear before i make another mistake and then sit by the phone in agony for a month. should i meet him? how can i express that im not a good lay and im not after sex only????tips please...any quotes would be great..what can i actually say ? What's wrong with sex? It's as necessary as food. Are you never going to meet a man because he might want sex? I think you should first stop calling him your "online lover." It's a contradiction.
Gala Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Gutted - If you are ambivalent about the circumstances under which you are willing to have sex, a man who says he's looking for "NSA" is not for you. Same for "friends with benefits." Stating that you want physical attraction is NOT the same as saying "I want to get laid." Given your posts about the last not-quite-dating situation in which you found yourself, I would definitely advise Starbuck's at most. But really, someone who says "I don't want a relationship" is not kidding you. It doesn't matter whether his job is the reason. And lastly, the most important thing is that you respect yourself. So what if this guy is disappointed? You need to follow your gut.
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 OK - so if i suggest starbucks - he will back out, that definetly isnt what he is after. He has told me blatently that he doesnt "have time" . He also mentioned that his last relationship lasted a month or so, the girl in question got fed up of his late hours. So he is being upfront about the situation. He also said that he doesnt want a one off, but doesnt want something permanent either. I guess that means he wants the middle ground? He also said he wants someone he can "spoil". I suppose he is doing well, enjoying life, doesnt want a relationship but does want something.is this so wrong? I dont want to lose him.I dont want to be unrealistic either. could it be that he wants sex and someone to hang out with, without the commitment? I dont see any better offers coming along and im sick of friends etc my age, moving on, cancelling on me...im reliant on the net now, my real life friends act dodgier thne the men i meet. what can i do? take up knitting????
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 it wasnt really horny - like i want sex etc. i just mentioned that physical attraction is needed...at the time i thought that was what i wanted. thats probably why i got him. his said: no strings attached....... He is probably married. You do not know him, only what he wants you to know online. That's why it's dangerous! It's based on fantasy. If you meet him, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Get to know him and take it slow. Tell a friend you're hooking up and where you're going, just to have backup. Meet in a public busy place. If he is unhappy with that arrangement or shows you any kind of attitude about it, forget him. He's not interested in anything than casual sex.
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 OK - i will say lets meet "as mates". He definetly wants to meet - so it wont be online for much longer. I just think if he just wanted sex he could get it very easily. He is confident, has money and is well spoken and not bad looking. He is also cultured and has lived all over the world. Someone i just wouldnt meet in my normal circle. All this info came to light through an online chat that lasted about 3 hours, he didnt volunteer this info, i got it out of him slowly. Do you really think he just wants sex? wouldnt he be sick of just sex at the age of 34?
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 OK - i will say lets meet "as mates". He definetly wants to meet - so it wont be online for much longer. I just think if he just wanted sex he could get it very easily. He is confident, has money and is well spoken and not bad looking. He is also cultured and has lived all over the world. Someone i just wouldnt meet in my normal circle. All this info came to light through an online chat that lasted about 3 hours, he didnt volunteer this info, i got it out of him slowly. Do you really think he just wants sex? wouldnt he be sick of just sex at the age of 34? Heck no he isn't sick of sex. Go ahead and meet him if you want and see what happends but just know that his intentions may be different then yours. Good luck but please let someone know that your going.
Author so gutted Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 dam - i think u may be right. i pick these types out and then come on here and complain...this is hard.i dont want the stress again at the beginning of the year.He is paying me attention, but somehow i think that will dimenish after he has "tested " me.
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 It's possible that he will if he gets what he wants. He said that he wants no strings attached so there you go.
Author so gutted Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 i got some further intelligence from him. he lived with somone for 2.9 years. not sure why that ended. But shows that he has had long term. He has had 44 lovers. He walked out the ones that tried to con him ( a few extreme examples e.g thiefs/cons ). He is talking to me a lot, 3/4 hours at a time. Would he go to all this effort for sex with someone so clearly inexperienced? I dont get what he is after? a crp sh*g would just pss him off more........( im not going to give him one ) His appeal is that he is well mannered and he has confidence. He knows about some of the bad experiences i have had, the liars, the marraige proposals that amounted to sweet f.a etc etc so he would be a complete GIT to know so much and then do the same? HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL. JUST HELP ME PLEASE.
Touche Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 i got some further intelligence from him. he lived with somone for 2.9 years. not sure why that ended. But shows that he has had long term. He has had 44 lovers. He walked out the ones that tried to con him ( a few extreme examples e.g thiefs/cons ). He is talking to me a lot, 3/4 hours at a time. Would he go to all this effort for sex with someone so clearly inexperienced? I dont get what he is after? a crp sh*g would just pss him off more........( im not going to give him one ) His appeal is that he is well mannered and he has confidence. He knows about some of the bad experiences i have had, the liars, the marraige proposals that amounted to sweet f.a etc etc so he would be a complete GIT to know so much and then do the same? HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL. JUST HELP ME PLEASE. What's a "GIT?" Not sure what that is BUT, yes...he can know all about your history and STILL screw you over. It happens all the time. It happened to me all the time. Never thought I'd meet a "normal" man but I did. You can too. This guy is not it. Don't you see that he just wants something casual? That's fine. He's upfront about it....but it's not what YOU want, is it? Keep what you want in the forefront. Don't be distracted by this clown.
Author so gutted Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 u think he is that bad? just because he has previously had sex in his relationships, and would want it again? is that such a bad thing and does it mean that he will always walk? dam - i must have him completly wrong. i just dont understand why he would do that? maybe i need to stop asking why and accept it. a git is probably the equivalent to what you guys call a jerk. sorry im a uk person - probably the only one on here it seems at times!
Touche Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 u think he is that bad? just because he has previously had sex in his relationships, and would want it again? is that such a bad thing and does it mean that he will always walk? dam - i must have him completly wrong. i just dont understand why he would do that? maybe i need to stop asking why and accept it. a git is probably the equivalent to what you guys call a jerk. sorry im a uk person - probably the only one on here it seems at times! No, there's lots of UK people on here. You're not the only one. Anyway, I didn't say he was bad. I'm just saying that he doesnt' want what you want. No strings, means he wants sex with no commitment. Like a FWB thing. It didn't sound like that's what you wanted. And I wouldn't count on him changing his mind. He's been upfront about it.
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