Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 If anyone out there has a sliver of hope for me... please pass it on. My husband is Bi Polar and I am worn out. I have been with him for 8 years now and I have nothing left to give. I have forgiven more than I can bear to tell you about and through it all, I do still love him very much. I have begged him to go to counseling with me or without me, for that matter, but each time he agrees but will not carry his promise to the end. I feel as though I have a one way ticket to hell these days. I never know from one minute to the next if he will be in a good mood, a bad mood, a sensous mood or a bully. I have two kids, who have seen more crap than anyone their age should have ever seen. But still, they love thier Dad. Just as I do, they feel that when he is at his best and medicated, he is a wonderful, fun and loving Guy. I recently gave up on getting him to counseling and went by myself. I asked the Counselor if she would help me in dealing with issues of depression. She point blank stated to me that she would not be a party to medicating me so that I wouldn't be bothered by his behaviors. She, while a wonderful counselor believes that I should walk away from my marriage... post haste. I believe in respecting my husband's right to privacy and have not told any of my family of his condition. They have seen very little of his moodswings and I have never told them of his fits of rage or obsessive habits. I am in my second marriage, which really makes me feel that I need to stick it out. My first marriage took place when I was 19. He and I split because we were just not right for each other. I could honestly say I didn't give it my all the first time around but this time... oh man, I have given it 210% and I don't know how to keep the faith. Make no mistake, I love this man, I want to be patient and kind and realize that he can not help this mental condition, but I would never forgive myself if I stayed and he hurt one of my children in a fit of rage. He has never hit them, but he has hit me many a time. I keep telling myself that this condition is the same as any other health condition. I married him for better or for worse and I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer or heart disease, why would I leave him over this... which he can not help? Yet, I also feel like in staying I am giving up on a normal life. I want to enjoy all that life has to offer while I am still young. I am open to any advice you may have.
ahsumgurl909 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 My friend has bi-polar disorder and it is no joke. I have only been with him for like 7 months. and in those 7 months, I have no self esteem, self worth, my spirit is dying, im feeling a little bipolar myself these days. I seriously think its catchy. Just kidding. Seriously though if your around someone with this illness you start to feel like your losing your mind as well. And the verbal abuse is the worst I have ever experienced in my life. And I love this man as well, but the worse it gets the less I like him because he wont go get the help he needs. Im sorry but I have no advice to give you as far as what to do. Except if you love him catch him in one of his highs and get him into the dr's office. His medication may not be working properly and he may need to change it. Good luck to you. I believe in the better or for worse vow as well. Specially if you still love him. And don't let him hit you call the cops on him and they will be sure to get him the medical treatment he needs as well. once you let someone with bipolar get away with stuff they will run with it everyday.
Guestola Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 It is very sad that some perfectly good people are afflicted with mental illnesses through no fault of their own. That being said, not everyone with a mental illness is uncontrolled. Some people live relatively normal lives. Neither of you have partners who are living normal or healthy lives. And you are both taking abuse and children may end up harmed. You cannot do this. Nothing says that love means allowing yourself to be destroyed. That leaves you useless to yourself and the rest of your family, including the abusive person. There is nothing noble or fine about that. It's simply wrong. Guest, listen to your counsellor. I keep telling myself that this condition is the same as any other health condition. I married him for better or for worse and I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer or heart disease, why would I leave him over this... which he can not help? You're kidding, right? It's not the disease you're leaving him for. It's the fact that you are being hit and abused by someone who has a disease. If you were being beaten and abused by a cancer or heart patient, the advice would be the same. Unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable behaviour even if someone is sick. Get out and save yourself and your family because you will all suffer long-term harm because of this situation. You can't tell me that making several people sick from living with a sick person is a good thing. If you're religious, offer up all your prayers for the sick guys and turn them over to God. If you're not religious, do it anyway. You're not capable of curing them and that's not your fault - or responsibility.
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Google Depression fallout. It's got some information for spouses who are living with someone who has depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. He has never hit them, but he has hit me many a time. I keep telling myself that this condition is the same as any other health condition. I married him for better or for worse and I wouldn't leave him if he had cancer or heart disease, why would I leave him over this... which he can not help? This is situation though you MUST think of your children. They don't need to be exposed to him hitting you. What they see isn't normal, and as much as you love your husband, he has a mental illness that is not going to go away. I'm not saying he shouldn't be a part of his children's lives, but he's violent and angry, your kids can't be exposed to that. Anyway, look at DFO site and see if it helps you.
Duplin Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I thank you all for your responses. I feel better when I can hear what others think of my situation. I kind of feel like I am too close to make a good judgement call. I will be praying and I hope you will too. As for the Girl in a relationship of 7 months or so... please, please be careful and rethink your relationship. I wouldn't have married my Guy had I understood that his was something larger than just the occasional moodiness. Think about it, they show their best side when you are dating... if he makes you feel this bad now, just think how you will feel after you marry the guy (and when the real deal comes out to play). Thanks so much for the guidance and know that it didn't fall on deaf ears. God Bless You.
Djaba Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 It's not the disease you're leaving him for. It's the fact that you are being hit and abused by someone who has a disease. If you were being beaten and abused by a cancer or heart patient, the advice would be the same. Unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable behaviour even if someone is sick. Get out and save yourself and your family because you will all suffer long-term harm because of this situation. You can't tell me that making several people sick from living with a sick person is a good thing. If you're religious, offer up all your prayers for the sick guys and turn them over to God. If you're not religious, do it anyway. You're not capable of curing them and that's not your fault - or responsibility. I was going to say more or less the same thing but Guestola said it better. Good luck to you.
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