MM's Wife Butts In Too Much!!

[motosexlover]

ok I am so irritated and frustrated! First off NEVER date a marrried man never believe his lies!

 

Short story I dated a married man who was supposedly gonna divorce his wife, After months of dating i got pregnant and kept the baby which he did not like so he dogged me after i was 2 months pregnant ( i said bye to him let him be, let him go and didnt talk to him until one month after i gave birth to his baby) anyways he went back to his wife after he dogged me, of course she welcomed him with open arms and from the get go was there to be supportive to him and made him an angel and me the devil.

 

Fast forward to now! he sees his son alot so i often see him but his wife is always in the mix, she is always at the exchanges and always at the court hearings and is just always in the mix, fine she took him back she must be that insecure to want such an ass back. Most recently he got mad cause he has to pay me child support so he tried to keep my son from me on his birthday when i was to have him so i had to call the cops on him. WHen we got there his wife was making up lies to the officers and telling the cops that they had a court order to have the baby when they didn't. anyway the cops told her she needs to butt out no matter if she is the wife or not because it is between me n her husband only!. The court had alreayd told her this too and she was not previously allowed @ the exchanges due to her causeing conflict. On xmas eve they called the cops on me to get my son but the cops didn't make me give him my son because i was to have him per the court order. So why did they take time out of their holiday to come across town to call the cops on me when they had no right too!! Both of them did it!

 

My thing is this, I know I was with her husband but i just try to keep things cool and not cause drama but he acts like a scorned lover and she acts like she is his accomplice in the whole thing. I left her a vc mail telling her that she needs to butt out and that she should be mad @ her husband for cheating on her not me.

 

Why does she make her sefl look dumb by supporting him so much, I wouldn't!!???is she that insecure!! she looks like a fool supporting him so much !!

 

he hates me but why?? he left me! and i said that is fine, i didn't chase him I respected his decision to dump me and I never contacted him again until he contacted me a month after i had his son, so why does he act like a scorned lover!!??? I wanna tell him get over it, I have!!!

 

Just this morning him n her came together to get my baby for the weekend and she serves me with court papers to reduce the child support, I am thinking how dumb is she, he needs to help with support! I make 12 bucks an hour and he makes 35 an hr, so retarded!! Hopefully she reads this and comments! lol

 

It seems like they like the drama, they act like bonnie & clyde against ME!!

 

HElp Me ADvise me !!

[Romeo Must Die]

So why dont you file for full custody. Thats my legal advice. Honestly moto, you should have considered this when you decided to have a baby out of wedlock with a MM. If he isnt putting in the time and effort and the money, then he doesn't even belong on the birth certificate. I would think most mothers would perfer to raise the baby alone than to bring their own child into this kind of mess.

 

I'm having a hard time with the comment that "this is between her husband and me" I cannot wrap my brain around that one. I don't think you will have privacy, or intimacy re: the baby with him alone. It's not going to be the same parenting roles here in your situation as it would be if you were raising the baby with the father.

 

I think playing a tug of war game with a baby is horrible and I believe you are all equally responsible for that. That means you too, moto. That is unfair to the innocent baby. Would it be too hard to mediate this issue in family court instead of on the street with the cops? You must come to some kind of agreement for the best interests of the child. Not BW's interests, not MM's and not yours.

 

[NoIDidn't]

he hates me but why?? he left me! and i said that is fine, i didn't chase him I respected his decision to dump me and I never contacted him again until he contacted me a month after i had his son, so why does he act like a scorned lover!!??? I wanna tell him get over it, I have!!!

 

HElp Me ADvise me !!

 

I know you came here looking for support and advise, but bear with me. This isn't a bashing or even insulting, so please bear with me.

 

You were involved with a cakeman. But cakes aren't supposed to have babies. The equation changed and he no longer had control of all of the variables in your situation. He hates you because you weren't supposed to get pregnant. You weren't supposed to keep it. And his W wasn't supposed to ever get involved in your affair with him.

 

Affairs are supposed to be fun and exciting. Having a baby with your mistress is usually not either of those unless you are extremely wealthy and won't miss a dime of the support to that child. He is acting like a scorned lover because in his twisted mind, you betrayed him by getting pregnant. I don't understand it either but I know lots of men that have had children outside of their Ms and they HATE the OW and blame HER for lying to them about birth control, or being infertile, or not making them wear a condom, or whatever they can think of to make the baby and their wives finding out about the affair all HER fault.

 

I know that it must be annoying to have his W involved in everything but you are taking money away from HER family now, and if she is like most women, we want to be involved in that. She is still hurting and dealing with the A. He hates you that he now has to deal with an angry W. They are trying a united front against you, which means they are not dealing with the problems in their M. If everyone withdraws into their own corners and works on themselves, then later you can come back to the table and do what is best for their M (their job), and for you (your job), and for the baby (everyone involved's jobs regardless of what the police and a court order may say - she is very involved and will be as she is his W and step-mother to your child).

 

I agree with Romeo that you should apply for full custody if you think that may be best for your son. Right now this situation isn't healthy for him. It shouldn't affect child support if you do, but speak with a lawyer for sure.

 

 

I hope that wasn't too harsh. I know a little something hand in these situations.

[lasan]

I am surprised that she is allowed to be at the pick up points. I went once to with my spouse to pick up his children. He was on a pain medication that his doctor advised him against driving. His ex-wife threw a fit, sent her husband out to threaten me, she came out and called me every name in the book. The neighbors called the police and they told me that I was never to come to the exchange point again. (They also told that to her husband as well.) Right before my spouse died, their new parenting agreement included a clause to cover this exact situation.

[Romeo Must Die]

Your momma so ghetto, her birthday cake was cornbread.

 

[pureinheart]

Hey NID....excellent insight.....

 

Now I know I might get nailed for this one....but....when I split with the kids dad he met someone else and she was a psycho....she didn't want my ex around me or the kids...fine with me...they were both psycho (he was with her). I never wanted child support because she freaked if any money was spent on us and I'd have to call the cops everytime.

 

It just wasn't worth it, he wouldn't see them anyways....I liked it that way because of the drama, the kids didn't need it.

 

Personally I'd move away from this guy and his W and do it on my own....the money isn't worth the heartache....

[lasan]

Hey NID....excellent insight.....

 

Now I know I might get nailed for this one....but....when I split with the kids dad he met someone else and she was a psycho....she didn't want my ex around me or the kids...fine with me...they were both psycho (he was with her). I never wanted child support because she freaked if any money was spent on us and I'd have to call the cops everytime.

 

It just wasn't worth it, he wouldn't see them anyways....I liked it that way because of the drama, the kids didn't need it.

 

Personally I'd move away from this guy and his W and do it on my own....the money isn't worth the heartache....

 

Even if she moved, it wouldn't get rid of the father's right to visit. Most parenting agreements these days have a move away clause. If I were her, I would set up a court hearing and draw up a very new, very specific order covering all these issues. The days, judges are sick of seeing contempt charges coming across their desks, and I suspect once they got slapped with a fine or two, they will stop their shenanigans.

[puddleofmud]

Even if she moved, it wouldn't get rid of the father's right to visit. Most parenting agreements these days have a move away clause. If I were her, I would set up a court hearing and draw up a very new, very specific order covering all these issues. The days, judges are sick of seeing contempt charges coming across their desks, and I suspect once they got slapped with a fine or two, they will stop their shenanigans.

 

That is very true! Even parents who are imprisoned are rarely denied visitation. The court is loathe to deny parents any rights of access to their children or vice versa even if visitation must be in a supervised setting (the custodial parent may be ordered to bring the children to a pre-determined setting w/ a social worker present). This is usually ordered when in such situations where a parent may be drug addicted or considered mentally unstable.

Also, she did the correct thing by calling the police--because that is what any attorney would advise. It's the only way to go about things in this kind of situation. Once the custody order is given and is violated it becomes a matter of law and the police are there to enforce that law. Holding a child against a court order when it is time to return them to the other parent is by law, KIDNAPPING! One MUST use law enforcement and THEN bring those records to the court. The court will not believe you if you have no proof of what has transpired; police reports provide that proof. The officers present may also be called to witness the persons involved state of mind/ behavior. The judge will listen to the cops because their experience is undeniable and they are the objective parties.

Last but not least, the Father's spouse is not a relative and has NO RIGHTS where the children are concerned, PERIOD. She cannot act as liaison and thus has already been restrained/ reminded by the court. Just because the father has joint custody or visitation allows her no rights, whatsover.

Her sorry behavior won't endear the Father to the court and there is enough evidence to perhaps remove her from visitation, entirely.

At this juncture there may be room to motion that the court do so as it does happen! When the evironment becomes unstable for the children it may be ordered that certain persons will not be allowed to be present with the children...even a wife. A court is likely to order something that is not only in the best interest of the children but also will not continually choke the court's valuable time w/ bull crap.

Also, as to those who have stated to this poster that she should not have a child w/ a MM--well, the water is under the bridge and this is not helping the child involved.

[lasan]

True, but I doubt they would make an order ordering that his wife couldn't be around period either.

 

My husabnds ex-wife tried that in court.

 

Her: I don't want that woman around my kids.

Judge: Why?

Her: Because I don't know her and I don't know if my children are safe, and she yelled at my husband on the phone. (He shouldn't have been calling period. I had the misfortune to answer the phone and he yelled at me before I finally lost my temper and yelled at him never to call my home again because he had no reason to)

Judge: That's not a good reason. Do you have proof she is dangerous to your children, if not we are moving on to the next point.

 

They moved on to the next point.

 

The OP made a baby with someone who was married. There is no way around that. It is no different than dealing with a situation where some one re-marries after a divorce.

 

Get a court order banning extra people turning up at the exchange point. My spouse changed his exchange point from his ex-wifes house to the police station so there would always be a witness, and it cut down on her shenanigans. You can't control what goes on in their house on his parenting time. Sorry! Doesn't work like that. Unless you think they are doing something dangerous, thats where you have to butt out yourself. If they are doing something that needs adressing, you go back to court.

[puddleofmud]

As there are many variables and another to be aware: if both parents cannot work out an agreement about the "hand-over" or should the hand over become too dramatic for the child the court may appoint a third party.

This does happen VERY frequently so it would be good if you chose/ suggest a third party prior to proceedings, such as your Mother sister or grandmother, or someone whom the Father would drop off the child and then you pick him/her up from there and vice versa.

That way neither parent come into contact.

It must be a person who is "clean as a whistle" and can guarantee that this be honored. Otherwise the court may choose someone as to whom you don't know as the other spouse may suggest this. with someone in their family in mind.

I have been the mediator in child custody pick-ups, but I have stopped volunteering for that long ago as it was just plain stupid according to my taste! To me it was all about "where is your back-pack? did you have fun with Mommy> oh, good, well here's Daddy"

but with the dumb parents it was all about "GET IN THE ****ING CAR'

and not once, "hey, baby, I missed you, did you have a nice visit".

[motosexlover]

ok So as we speak I am working on writing a new court order request and # 1 will be that the BS will not be allowed @ the exchanges any more!!. She wasn't alllowed before for a year but when we went to trial the MM asked if she could be there and the judge asked me what i thought and I said it would be fine. BUT I thought she would of gotten over the drama but since she has been back in the pic drama has escalated and you guys are right it is not healthy for my son. We already have joint custody so unless I can hire the dream team as lawyers there is no other way to go about things but to HAVE to deal w/ it all. The cops are being called too much these days!! To call the cops on me for no reason is the way BS gets back AT ME! Just yesteday they called the cops on me cause I was late the the drop off now what is that crap!???

[lasan]

ok So as we speak I am working on writing a new court order request and # 1 will be that the BS will not be allowed @ the exchanges any more!!. She wasn't alllowed before for a year but when we went to trial the MM asked if she could be there and the judge asked me what i thought and I said it would be fine. BUT I thought she would of gotten over the drama but since she has been back in the pic drama has escalated and you guys are right it is not healthy for my son. We already have joint custody so unless I can hire the dream team as lawyers there is no other way to go about things but to HAVE to deal w/ it all. The cops are being called too much these days!! To call the cops on me for no reason is the way BS gets back AT ME! Just yesteday they called the cops on me cause I was late the the drop off now what is that crap!???

 

My spouse called the police and had them come take a report when his ex wife was 20 minutes late. (That was the police's own limit on what late was for an exchange) The purpose of that was to have evidence to take to court showing his ex wife was consistently late to drop the children off. or in our case just not showing up. (this was before the new court order.)

 

Why they are doing it...I don't know, but My spouse did it soley for evidence purposes in court. My advice to you is ALWAYS be on time to your exchange point. The courts do make allowances for life circumstances, but if they get too many marks against you, it can cause you problems.

 

I don't know all of your situation, but if I were you, I would write a ridiculously specific order. The order my spouse and I wrote had sections that looked like this:

 

That the exchange point be moved to the local police station.

That only the biological parents of said children be present at the exchanges.

 

That parenting time for the non-custodial parent start at 5 pm on the 1st and 3rd weekend of each month. (we had to make that more specific than every other weekend because she was conveniently changing when every other weekend was)

 

That parenting time not be interupted due to the custodial parent being out of town, or taking the children out of town on the non-custodial parents scheduled parenting time.

 

That the non-custodial parent have the right of first refusal should the custodial parent leave the children for more than 24 hours. (that kept their mom from skipping town and leaving the kids with relatives instead of giving the non-custodial parent a chance to have more time with the children. This was a real problem for my spouse for a while as she was sending the kids off to grandmas while she went to florida for weeks at a time.)

 

That should there need to be a change in parenting time a certified letter be sent to the non-custodial parent atleast 7 days in advance. Should there be an emergency, the non-custodial parent was to be notified immediately.

 

 

These are just a few broadly written examples of what was in his order. (the actual order was much more detailed and specific to prevent loopholes) Since you both have joint custody...seems like some of these things won't be issues for you. I will say one thing, My spouse went from non-custodial parent to joint legal and joint physical by writing down, and getting evidence of all of his ex's slip ups. She thought it could never happen solely because she was the mother and the courts favors mothers. The courts are changing and don't bank on that to carry you through a trial. Follow your half of the agreement to a tee, and keep your eyes open so you aren't blindsided by a trial later.

[motosexlover]

thanks for all the good advice I am definately workin on making it specific enough. I am going to file a modification this week! I hope the judge sees how messed up our current order is so he allows us to come back being that we juet ended trial in september.

[lasan]

thanks for all the good advice I am definately workin on making it specific enough. I am going to file a modification this week! I hope the judge sees how messed up our current order is so he allows us to come back being that we juet ended trial in september.

 

Just out of curiousity, what is messed up about your current order?

[lasan]

Also while I am thinking about it...the order my spouse and I created also put a holiday schedule down for every year until the children were grown. Might seem like overkill, but if the police have to be called, it's nice to be able to pull out an order that shows a specific schedule.

[GreenEyedLady]

Also while I am thinking about it...the order my spouse and I created also put a holiday schedule down for every year until the children were grown. Might seem like overkill, but if the police have to be called, it's nice to be able to pull out an order that shows a specific schedule.

 

Mine too...I just don't get the calling the cops thing? My X is late sometimes an hour while I'm waiting in the parking lot of a shopping center...I would never call the cops...what a waste of public funds...why not live and let live?!

[lasan]

Mine too...I just don't get the calling the cops thing? My X is late sometimes an hour while I'm waiting in the parking lot of a shopping center...I would never call the cops...what a waste of public funds...why not live and let live?!

 

Lawyers advice. You can't just show up to court and say "She didn't have the children at the exchange point." Because what happens is the judge says to the other person "Is that so?" and it's all over the moment She says "No I showed up and THEY weren't there." Like I said my spouse did it so he could show a pattern. It worked. The judge ammended the order and custody arrangement.

 

I don't know about your state, but in my state it is within the polices rights to enforce a court order, and to cite the person who is violating the order. It's hard work. It took my spouses ex out right not showing up three times before they gave her an order to appear and explain to a judge why she was blatantly ignoring the order.

[GreenEyedLady]

Ca, You have to be over 60 mins. late...it's one thing if it is legitimate, but if it's just a harassment ploy, I don't see it being worth the trouble...some X's just seem to do it as a revenge tactic, which I don't see the point...I agree with the "Living well is the best revenge" camp...and I don't think it's good for the kids to see their parents fighting over every little thing...but of course if it's legitimate, that's a whole other story...

[lasan]

Ca, You have to be over 60 mins. late...it's one thing if it is legitimate, but if it's just a harassment ploy, I don't see it being worth the trouble...some X's just seem to do it as a revenge tactic, which I don't see the point...I agree with the "Living well is the best revenge" camp...and I don't think it's good for the kids to see their parents fighting over every little thing...but of course if it's legitimate, that's a whole other story...

 

That is why the police are loathe to show up for these sorts of things.(least in my area).

 

If the OP's childs father is calling the police for lateness, I would almost bet my new purse that they are gathering evidence to get the order changed. Having an ironclad visitation agreement helps cut down on these things. Sometimes it's not even one parent trying to be hard on the other...sometimes the orders are just written too vaguely and people interpret it how they want.

[motosexlover]

my current order is just a mess in so many ways too much to explain, and yes they use me being late and calling the cops as a revenge tactic. MM's wife was not allowed at the exchanges for over a year and we had no problems now she is there and we have the cops being called for every petty thing its bull!

[lasan]

No offense but how late are you? Being late interferes with the other persons parenting time. Are you allowing him to bring back the child later as well to make up for your lateness? If you are habitually late, you can be found in contempt of your order. I stick by my original advice and still say that you should ALWAYS BE ON TIME. Heck be early.

 

Calling the police for these matters tend to be a lawyers adivce because of their documentation. Be careful.

[motosexlover]

Lasan thanks for all the advice it is much appreciated! I am not always late but when I am I am about a few mins late no more than 5 but the new years day late was about an hour and a half so he called the cops

[My_Other_I]

he hates me but why?? he left me! and i said that is fine, i didn't chase him I respected his decision to dump me and I never contacted him again until he contacted me a month after i had his son, so why does he act like a scorned lover!!??? I wanna tell him get over it, I have!!!

 

 

Your baby is a constant reminder of his deception. His wife probably throws it in his face all the time. Unless you all choose to attempt some kind of anger management or counseling, I don't believe it will get better. Good luck with that!

[CarolAnne]

Is anyone here pro-life? LOL

[puddleofmud]

Either way the vast majority of us are SANE and decent...