shoesies05 Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 SO, i believe i officially broke up with my ex-fiance on the 17th, and i was planning on it being for good. We had been off and on for a couple of months after i left him, mainly due to me being scared to be with him. I love him so much, and i am thinking about him constantly. I had been doing pretty good i believe in not talking to him. I didnt contact him, he would text me and most od the time i wouldnt respond because i want to get over him. But sometimes, like i Christmas i had to respond. I don't want to be cold, you know? I care about him and i don't want him to think that i don't. We talked yesterday, and it was crazy. I get so happy when he calls me, the first time we talked that day it was for an hour before he had to go to work. The second time it was for 3 hours, and we had phone sex! SO, really i havent made any progress at all in anything. I just keep holding onto my fantasy of him, holding on to the hapiness that i had with him and the dream that if we got back tpogether that someday i ould be happy again. I am constantly torn, i want to be with him so bad, i want to cater to him and just share my life with him. But after what he did I sometimes get so hateful and angry, and sadly not only towards him but also towards men in general. And i love men, they are adorabel in their own way, so its not me. I'm trying to forgive him so that i will be able to heal and walk away from this a better person. I haven't dated anyone else, and i know it's only been a short time since we broke up: but we've been off and on. I really just want to be alone so that i can work on myself, go through all the pain so that i can get over it. It's just so hard to move on from what was my life. I miss so much about him. And last night i was ecstatic talking to him on the phone. I have that hope in me of course that we will be back together again, but i know that the hope is what is holding me back from moving on. I hope to get back together, but at the same time i don't want to be with a man that would cheat. I just am so torn, but i am just constantly telling myself to leave him. He crossed a boundary that should never be broken, and i shouldnt have to pay for it. Not only is it hard to move on, but I'm horny as heck. I used to have sex every day and it's been two weeks! It's killing me, and i don't wanna just sleep with some guy. Especially knowing that they proly won't please me near as good as he did anyways. It's just not the same when there is no real connection and love, you know? And my viberator aint doin the trick for sure! (damnit!) Well, im not really making any improvements towards getting over him. I am though more set in mind that even though i want him, he is no good for me, and that i should leave him and someday i will be with someone who loves me enough to turn pamela anderson down, lol.
notmakingsense Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 You actually do sound like you are on your way. Concentrate on doing a better job at the no-contact -- and definitely don't succumb to contact because you are horny! Its a trap many of us fall in to. It will be very tough for a long time, so expect it. Just focus on your friends, hobbies, school/work -- and when you start feeling better, start dating again. You will get there, just hang tough.
Author shoesies05 Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 You actually do sound like you are on your way. Concentrate on doing a better job at the no-contact -- and definitely don't succumb to contact because you are horny! Its a trap many of us fall in to. It will be very tough for a long time, so expect it. Just focus on your friends, hobbies, school/work -- and when you start feeling better, start dating again. You will get there, just hang tough. Thanks for the encouraging words. Only thing is its also hard because when i found out that he cheated i moved aaway from where we lived together before and am now living in a city with my sister and i don't have any friends here, no work ( but im trying), and no school right now. It's hard not knowing anyone here and trying to cope at the same time. And i'll try not to give into horniness lol
notmakingsense Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Thanks for the encouraging words. Only thing is its also hard because when i found out that he cheated i moved aaway from where we lived together before and am now living in a city with my sister and i don't have any friends here, no work ( but im trying), and no school right now. It's hard not knowing anyone here and trying to cope at the same time. And i'll try not to give into horniness lol I understand... but you do have your sister, so start there. I'm sure you will begin to meet friends through her, and work when you get it. If you can afford it, join a gym -- basically just get active and do things that make you feel good about yourself. Good luck!
JCD Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Seems like your logical side knows what to do but your emotional side still clings to him and it will do so until you stop thinking about him. That will take time then the logical side will slowly take hold of you. Do NC and stick to it. If he cheated on you then it shows that he has poor control of his self and has bad morals. That is not a person you want to spend rest of your life with because if you can't trust him then it will be very hard on you long term.
Author shoesies05 Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 actually... im 19 and my sister is 31 so there's a pretty big age gap so i'm not really gonna meet any friends through her. I really want to get a gym membership but icannot afford it right now, so instead im going on walks when i can. but the past week has been hecktic! Ya- my emotional side is totally clinging to him right now. I hate it, it makes it so hard. I know that him cheating on me shows his character thats why i left him in the end, i just couldnt deal with it. It hurt so bad to wonder all the time, and i didnt want to do that the rest of my life. Hopefully ill stay busy until my emotional side catches up with my logical. Thank you so much for all the help!
Recommended Posts