soo confused Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I was just wondering if I should tell the married man i have been seeing on and off now for 4 years that I am in love with him? I just feel so consumed by my feelings for him lately I can't focus on anything but him! he has no clue I have this strong of feelings for him! I tried so hard not to fall for him b/c i know he is married but i just couldn't hold it back any longer!! What should i do?? tell him how I feel ??
GreenEyedLady Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 If you have to ask, I'd have to say no...it's something that you should do without thinking...if you have to think about it, are you sure it's love...
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 if u have fallen for a married man you should tell him that u have fallen for him but promise u will do nothing to cause problems with his marriage and then walk away and let him decide. get on with your life, and remember that falling in love does not entitle you to that person at the expense of other people, doesn't entitle you to place yourself over his wife and family and that love is a prize that is earned with respect and not won at the fair - its not like a thropy u place in a cabinet and start a collection. love is what enables u to become a better person inside and should be shared only with the one that appreciates what that is
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 he has no clue I have this strong of feelings for him! Why do you think that? Unless you are robot, it would be hard to not let it show in some way or the other. After four years, I'm sure he knows exactly how you feel. What bothers me here is that you say he has 'no clue' - I'm guessing its in the way that he acts toward you. How does he act? How would you characterize what he does/says to you as having 'no clue'?
Author soo confused Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 When I say he has no clue I feel this way is b/c I just recently started having these extremly strong feelings for him and I am just assuming he doesn't know b/c I have try to do my best not to act any different towards him I'm not sure it's love b/c I am just not sure about anything anymore, I do know the whole thing very scary to me b/c he is a mm I just wish I could walk away but I just can't even though I know I will probably be the one that gets hurt in this whole thing..If that makes any sense?!? I was just looking for some advice on teling him my feeling....
sadbuttrue Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 When I say he has no clue I feel this way is b/c I just recently started having these extremly strong feelings for him and I am just assuming he doesn't know b/c I have try to do my best not to act any different towards him I'm not sure it's love b/c I am just not sure about anything anymore, I do know the whole thing very scary to me b/c he is a mm I just wish I could walk away but I just can't even though I know I will probably be the one that gets hurt in this whole thing..If that makes any sense?!? I was just looking for some advice on teling him my feeling.... sc, i felt the same way, i wished i could just walk away too, but once the feelings are there, it is next to impossible. i still believe that i will be hurt by this A in the end, but continue because i love him. i told my MM that i loved him even though it was hard for me because i felt wrong and that i had no right to love a MM. i also thought i could not handle it if he told me that he loved me, because to me if he really loved me then he would be WITH me, but apparently i have overcome that i think you should tell him and see where it goes from there. but that is just me. good luck girl, hope it works out the way you want
Author soo confused Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 thanks sadbuttrue! I think I am just affriad of his reaction when I tell him how I really feel, I am not sure how I want him to react!?!? How did your mm react to you telling you felt that way?
sadbuttrue Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 thanks sadbuttrue! I think I am just affriad of his reaction when I tell him how I really feel, I am not sure how I want him to react!?!? How did your mm react to you telling you felt that way? well, sc, MM did not imediately tell me that he loved me, and i was in a way relieved. he said he was speechless, and told me not to be afraid if i thought that would run him off it took him a while to say that he also loved me. i guess that is not the most romantic or best response, but i am glad he did not tell me he loved me when he wasnt sure about his feelings.
kymberann Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 HI Sc, i think you should ask yourself what you think you can or will gain from telling him? I don't think it matters what his reaction is, these are your feelings. Is it after four years of an affair that you are just now having these feelings?
Author soo confused Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 I have always had feeling for him just not this intense, or maybe i have always felt this way and have just pretended not to b/c he is a MM! Can someone please tell me where the "off" switch is.....
sadbuttrue Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I have always had feeling for him just not this intense, or maybe i have always felt this way and have just pretended not to b/c he is a MM! Can someone please tell me where the "off" switch is..... sc, if we knew where the off switch was, none of us would be here
frannie Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 sc, if we knew where the off switch was, none of us would be here Haha... that really is 'sad but true'. Then again... I wonder if it is..? Isn't life so much better with love in it, whatever the complications..?
torranceshipman Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I think you should tell the guy, definitely. I reckon he knows...especially as you two have been involved a long time already. I know this might sound naive, but I really think honesty is the best policy - I reckon if everyone on this board went out tonight and were completely honest, admitted their feelings to their MM, and told everyone that they were involved with their MM, then just waited to see what would happen, I think a lot of bad situations would end, some happy unions would begin, etc, etc - ok it'd be messy, and I know it's a bit idealistic, but I still think honesty is the best way forward. I reckon I'm going to tell the guy I'm involved with that I love him, next time I see him, and see what happens! He told me he loved me once, in the same conversation where he said he'd planned on leaving his long-term girlfriend for me, but was very scared and had panicked, and pulled back, and now needed time to think. So I shouted at him when he said it, and said he clearly didn't know what love is if he is seeing two girls at the same time!! I loved that he said it though, and I believe him, as we've been friends for many years, so we do love eachother as friends (but clearly there's something much greater now) - but then again, it's not much good to me in the current situation! So I think you should bite the bullet and tell him - if he cares for you it'll be something that he'll be happy to hear.
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I reckon if everyone on this board went out tonight and were completely honest, admitted their feelings to their MM, and told everyone that they were involved with their MM, then just waited to see what would happen, I think a lot of bad situations would end, some happy unions would begin, etc, etc - ok it'd be messy, and I know it's a bit idealistic, but I still think honesty is the best way forward. She can be as honest as she wants, he just isn't going to be as honest with her back. Sure, he can tell her he has feelings too, but it isn't going to change the fact he's married. You assume that her telling him will open doors for her, he'll be so happy, end his marriage and be with her? Give up his whole life as he knows it just because of feelings involved? So I think you should bite the bullet and tell him - if he cares for you it'll be something that he'll be happy to hear. Yeah, feed his ego, make him feel good and then he'll tell her "but I'm not leaving my wife for you..." Talk about setting oneself up for a fall.
lovernotafighter Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 She can be as honest as she wants, he just isn't going to be as honest with her back. Sure, he can tell her he has feelings too, but it isn't going to change the fact he's married. You assume that her telling him will open doors for her, he'll be so happy, end his marriage and be with her? Give up his whole life as he knows it just because of feelings involved? Yeah, feed his ego, make him feel good and then he'll tell her "but I'm not leaving my wife for you..." Talk about setting oneself up for a fall. hey WWIU...Ive always wanted to ask..but I don't know if you ever posted it or not..but were you or are you now a OW? I have wondered about that for awhile and I am curious.
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Nope wasn't an OW, but I did have a major crush on a guy online a long time ago, and we both crossed the line, talked about things we shouldn't have. Looking back at it now I was real stupid and it's really embarressing to think that I let myself feel like that. My anxiety issues were at it's worst, my hubby and I weren't connecting, I wasn't in a good place, and we were also fighting alot. Things are fine now, lessons learned. This is probably why I'm harsh at times - I like to try to help OW stop themselves and gain the strength to end it before it even starts, or end it as soon as they can.
torranceshipman Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 No, I don't mean that being honest would necessarily lead to a happy ending i.e. the MM leaving his W for her, but in a few cases it might, or in others it might end things, which feels bad in the short term, but ends the long term misery in the long term (i.e. all that hideous waiting) - so maybe bad situations could end, or some MM might stand up and be a little more honest...who knows...maybe nothing whatsoever would happen, but I still think honesty is always a good move...
puddleofmud Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I feel that in any good relationship one should not have to feel fear--especially about being honest and authentic. Four years is a really long time without a commitment in any couples' situation so no one could blame you for allowing your feelings to come to the surface. Since your feelings HAVE surfaced you probably can't force them back down or drown them or deny how you feel so best get it out in the open. Just be careful as to what you EXPECT to come from it because when anyone does this one can't deny that there are expectations. Best wishes and stay in touch.
torranceshipman Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I agree, best of luck with this...I feel genuinely bad that anyone has to go through this kind of heartache.
Author soo confused Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 No, I don't mean that being honest would necessarily lead to a happy ending i.e. the MM leaving his W for her, but in a few cases it might, or in others it might end things, which feels bad in the short term, but ends the long term misery in the long term (i.e. all that hideous waiting) - so maybe bad situations could end, or some MM might stand up and be a little more honest...who knows...maybe nothing whatsoever would happen, but I still think honesty is always a good move... Tor you are soo right, If I do tell him and he doesn't feel the same way he we probably end it and it will better for me in the long run, but i can't know what the out come will be unless I tell him how I feel!!!
Author soo confused Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 I feel that in any good relationship one should not have to feel fear--especially about being honest and authentic. Four years is a really long time without a commitment in any couples' situation so no one could blame you for allowing your feelings to come to the surface. Since your feelings HAVE surfaced you probably can't force them back down or drown them or deny how you feel so best get it out in the open. Just be careful as to what you EXPECT to come from it because when anyone does this one can't deny that there are expectations. Best wishes and stay in touch. Well it has been 4 1/2 on and off b/c I was with someone when i first met him so we mainly just flirted with each other a lot but i have always had feelings for him, we just recently went thru with taking it all the way and now the I can't seem to hold back my feelings for him like i could before.. I don't know what i expect by telling him how i feel I just know i need to get it off my chest!
pricillia Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Well it has been 4 1/2 on and off b/c I was with someone when i first met him so we mainly just flirted with each other a lot but i have always had feelings for him, we just recently went thru with taking it all the way and now the I can't seem to hold back my feelings for him like i could before.. I don't know what i expect by telling him how i feel I just know i need to get it off my chest! Sounds like you have been with him for a long time, If you lovesomeone tell them... Wow I could never wait 4 years, ( is that what you said) to tell someone that I am in love with them... I don't know how you are doing it...
lovernotafighter Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Nope wasn't an OW, but I did have a major crush on a guy online a long time ago, and we both crossed the line, talked about things we shouldn't have. Looking back at it now I was real stupid and it's really embarressing to think that I let myself feel like that. My anxiety issues were at it's worst, my hubby and I weren't connecting, I wasn't in a good place, and we were also fighting alot. Things are fine now, lessons learned. This is probably why I'm harsh at times - I like to try to help OW stop themselves and gain the strength to end it before it even starts, or end it as soon as they can. gotcha, thanks for answering
sadbuttrue Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Nope wasn't an OW, but I did have a major crush on a guy online a long time ago, and we both crossed the line, talked about things we shouldn't have. Looking back at it now I was real stupid and it's really embarressing to think that I let myself feel like that. My anxiety issues were at it's worst, my hubby and I weren't connecting, I wasn't in a good place, and we were also fighting alot. Things are fine now, lessons learned. This is probably why I'm harsh at times - I like to try to help OW stop themselves and gain the strength to end it before it even starts, or end it as soon as they can. so, wwiu, you were never actually involved with a MM? you just come here to try to put OW on the right path?
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