frannie Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 One thing - when I was much younger, I was with a guy for 8yrs, and I stayed YEARS longer than I should have, even though the physical side had disappeared, and we had no shared assets, kids or anything. I can't explain it now, but I know human nature can be this weird way - I was the same, maybe 2 or 3yrs I tried to leave the guy, it took me that long...misplaced loyalty, not knowing how good it could really be if it was right, etc - it really makes no sense, but I think this guy and lots of the MMs discussed on this board might genuinely be going through the same (misguided) thing. You know what, that is bizarre, because I did exactly that same thing with my first serious boyfriend. 8 and a half years, and the last 5 of them was no sex and no intimacy of any kind really. I hated the situation, but I didn't know what else to do... big, wide world and no-one to be with..? Maybe that's why I have a lot of 'empathy' for people who find it hard to move out..? Hmm you may have something there. (oh, I've also had commitment issues almost my whole life too ) I don't know what to suggest... he seems to have incredibly cold feet, and something isn't really adding up. How long has this been going on... is it just that he's not had time to make his move..? Some people take a LONG time. Have you had a really good talk to him about how you feel..? End of the day, he's still going to be the same guy... as I keep saying (sorry). Only you can make that judgment call and decided if he's worth the wait (oh, and how long a wait he's worth)... waiting's hard... I've been at it going on for 3 years...
Author torranceshipman Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 That's so interesting, so we've both been in their shoes, too! All those years with no sex, and we knew we with the wrong person but we stayed-crazy, huh! I guess I'm like you too, that it makes me empathise a bit with some people who stay. Maybe you're right - he just needs time to make the move, which he hasn't yet made out of sheer panic?? He has been with her for 14yrs, a long time, and the only girlfriend he's ever known (but not the only girl he's ever known, clearly, the dirty dog!!). In fact, he always used to talk to me for hours, when we were just friends, about how I managed to get out of that relationship, and how much respect he had for me, for managing to do it... I know he sounds like bad news in many ways (which he is!) - but as we've been friends so many years, we know eachother inside out already. I've always thought he's a good person, and someone who always protected me and helped me as a friend, but his one weakness and stupid/bad side, is this relationship situation of his. In fact, he has literally tried for about 7yrs to get us together, and I was cold and distant with him at ALL times as I liked him but he had a girlfriend, so I was scared of this EXACT situation happening! I gave in eventually, obviously! It's been going on about 5 months now (on and off as I keep taking time out/trying to end it but not doing a brilliant job!). I just want a big change to the situation now - I think I'd rather lose him than be stuck like this for much longer...he knows I'm a total firecracker too, very passionate, impetuous, and I'm a family friend, we have the same mutual friends, so he must know he's playing with fire here! How's it going with you? 3yrs you've been with him?, Have you told him about how you feel? This guy knows I never really commit, as I'm too independent, but he should know that he is a HUGE exception, and I'm going to tell him v.soon that I love him too, and he can do whatever he wants with that information!
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