lorr Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 To cut a long story short, I had no choice but to dump my boyfriend of 2 years due to him being secretive etc(story posted in other thread). I felt that I did the right thing, got everything of my chest to him, and started NC immediately. Although it has only been 2 weeks, I am slowly starting to get my life in order, and feel good that I am doing productive things to pass the time. However I was heading to my aunt's on Christmas Eve, it was only when I went to pay for some things that I was buying from the shop that I looked in my bag and realised that I had missed a couple of phonecalls from "surprise surprise" my ex. As you can imagine I felt a whole wave of emotion. I decided to phone him, to find out what he wanted, I was extremely calm, cool and collected. He basically phoned me to find out how I was, and then he started to tell me about what he has been upto, and also his plans for the hoildays, with him asking about mine. We talked for a bit, and it was almost like the breakup did not happen, and we were like old friends. I quickly came to my senses and ended the conversation first, and he told me he would contact me over the Christmas/New Year Holiday. Although I would not want to be in a relationship with him again,It just proves to me that NC really does work, but at the same time, I just can't believe that it has to take something as drastic as this, to make a person realise that they don't know what they are missing until its gone. Has this situation happened to anyone here on LS, where they had the guts to dump their partner all for the right reasons, and with an ex partner contacting them, whilst doing NC? I am completly baffled, and don't know what to make of this, Has anyone found that this is real genuine behaviour, or is this some sort of ego trip for the dumpee?
Rooster_DAR Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 To cut a long story short, I had no choice but to dump my boyfriend of 2 years due to him being secretive etc(story posted in other thread). I felt that I did the right thing, got everything of my chest to him, and started NC immediately. Although it has only been 2 weeks, I am slowly starting to get my life in order, and feel good that I am doing productive things to pass the time. However I was heading to my aunt's on Christmas Eve, it was only when I went to pay for some things that I was buying from the shop that I looked in my bag and realised that I had missed a couple of phonecalls from "surprise surprise" my ex. As you can imagine I felt a whole wave of emotion. I decided to phone him, to find out what he wanted, I was extremely calm, cool and collected. He basically phoned me to find out how I was, and then he started to tell me about what he has been upto, and also his plans for the hoildays, with him asking about mine. We talked for a bit, and it was almost like the breakup did not happen, and we were like old friends. I quickly came to my senses and ended the conversation first, and he told me he would contact me over the Christmas/New Year Holiday. Although I would not want to be in a relationship with him again,It just proves to me that NC really does work, but at the same time, I just can't believe that it has to take something as drastic as this, to make a person realise that they don't know what they are missing until its gone. Has this situation happened to anyone here on LS, where they had the guts to dump their partner all for the right reasons, and with an ex partner contacting them, whilst doing NC? I am completly baffled, and don't know what to make of this, Has anyone found that this is real genuine behaviour, or is this some sort of ego trip for the dumpee? Well I'm in sorta the same scenario. My EX was also secrective and I came to found out she was having an affair with a co-worker. I moved out cause the roller coaster was too much. I did N/C for 3 months and she started coming back around professing true love. I spent the weekend with her, and lo and behold a few days later it was back to the same behaviour. I have givin up any hope of reconcilation, and I simply would never trust her again. Cheers!
Lostandfound Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 An interesting reaction from "the dumpee" Sorry dont know your real name I am sure you had good reasons for the dumping as per the post, but its interesting to see how you got a bit emotional when you saw the missed calls. NC does work, although today mine has got a little fraught with kids being involved, but yes it does work it gets the intrigue, and curisoty flowing.
stanchain Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Well judging by what everybody says it works... I am not really sure. But I do know I am on day 6 and it is not the easiest thing to do. But slowly it is getting easier.. except for on bad days at work (like today) But what i do know is by not calling her I feel better and find myself not thinking about her. She did come by our place to pick some things up.. and found a need to check my computer to see what I had been doing and also try and check my phone bill online... go figure. I hope it works in hte end though.. because as of today i still have some hope.. but I am sure by the time she realizes it... it wont matter to me
Author lorr Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 I strongly believe that it can hurt the person who has to do the "dumping" as opposed to the one that gets "dumped". When something does not feel right in a relationship, and the person(take myself as an example) has the courage to voice their concerns many times, and you find that the OP constantly says that they will take the concerns on board, and will make every effort, within the relationship. You find that they do not do this, take things for granted and then your left with no choice but to dump them. Yes I agree that when you have to think about dumping someone its hard, as you have to weigh up the Pros and Cons, how to go about breaking up with them and whether you are doing the right thing. Admittedly you do get a headstart on things, and when its time to do it, you find that the OP is shocked and go one like there was nothing wrong in the firstplace(which personally I think is BS). Not all "dumpees" are wicked, evil and heartless individuals.Some people don't realise that the "dumpee" does have feelings too, and may still have feelings for the OP, but they know that they couldn't go back to the relationship, as deep down it would not work out(depending on the situation). Thats why it can come in as quite a surprise and sets off a whole range of emotions when the OP gets in contact with the "dumpee". The "dumpee" will think "why now" why wait until everything is over, that you now want to get in contact, and go on like everything is honky-dory. We all need to realise that relationships are a 2 way street, and we all need to take some sort of responsibility. The book that has helped me the most is by the guy that wrote"He's so not into you" and "Its called a breakup because its broken". This guy is straight to the point and blatantly honest as ever. This book will make anyone see that we don't have to put up with crap in any relationship, and that we deserve better.
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