Guest Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I have been in a long-term relationship for 8 years however, engaged for 3. The relationship for both of us is our first and only long-term relationship. Recently he has stated to me that he is not happy with his life as has not experienced all there is to in order to be certain that a committed relationship is what he truly desires. Moreover, for half our relationship he has harbored this doubt but chose to act only to make me content. How can I be certain about our relationship and he is not? Is this common in long-term relationships? How do you overcome such doubt? We currenlty share an apartment together in which we have minimum communication with one another. And this is in part due to his drastic change in character. In the past and now he has not truly communicated with me in the sense that I can be connected to him. This may be the result of me not emphasing this enough to him. I feel as though this is an opportunity for him to work on his ablity to communicate with me in that he can share his emotions good or bad with me. How can I convience him of this? In conclusion, what will not break us with make us stronger. And I want so despartely for him to know that I am not only a good woman but a good person. And if he is willing to discover work on some of his own issues that I will be supportive of that rather than pushing me away completely. Is this relationship worth saving?
WhisperingWillow Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Will answer if it is worth it or not. Only you can answer that. However given his recent disclosures to you, what is it that you want to do? Do you really want to salvage this? I suppose you do. The thing for you to do is have a heart to heart with him and then leave him alone. He needs to mull this over through his head without you chasing him. I don't mean that in a mean way. I'm being utterly honest here. The more you try to smother and get closer the more he'll withdraw. Go out with your friends, if you don't have friends that you can go out with then I suggest going out for coffee alone, leaving him alone to be faced with what he is doing and to think about it. Start exercising and picking up hobbies. The key here is to let him alone. He needs to see you are a good woman to hang onto and what he may be missing if he lets go. He needs a lot of alone time. Now if he attempts to talk to you then you don't ignore him but don't pursue him. If he can't see you for all the wonderful things that you are and what made him fall in love in the first place, then sweetheart he isn't for you and you're better off.
loggrad98 Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 It takes 2 to tango. It is possible he is just getting cold feet, but it is also possible he has met someone else, but does not want to give up the security of the relationship he has with you. It is also possible he is just not ready to commit (you have been engaged for 3 years? is that your choice, his, or mutual to be perpetually engaged?) I think you need to have a frank heart to heart with him and both of you air out what you want in a relationship. I am never one to say just give up (unless there has been any kind of abuse), but if it will not work for both of you, then you cannot force the issue as that will only make it worse. But, like WW said, it is your decision alone to make whether to attempt to save this relationship.
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