herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 So there we were Xmas eve and my H's cell rings. We see who it is and let it go to voice mail. FYI, when he was having the affair, he would turn his phone off when we were together. She would call at all hours and leave voice mail messages. Since D-day, he leaves his phone on and is open with all of his VM's. He goes out of his way to let me know who calls him and who he calls. Also, when they "broke up" she asked him to call her on holidays since she is alone. So, what did she say? That she was thinking about him and how great things were last Xmas. What? He was with me last Xmas. Did he talk to her? Probably, but we were out of town on vacation, so how great could it have been for her? Why did she call? Our therapist says that she called him so that she would not have to be disappointed when he didn't call her. I guess she is in a bit of denial. After almost 10 months of NC, she hasn't moved on. It took all I had inside me to not get mad at H. I know that he didn't do anything wrong and that she is the one that broke NC. He wants to ignore it. He says if either one of us calls her it would bring her back into our lives and we should just let it be. I have never called her, but I'm sure tempted to now.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 ARRRGGGHHHH! I'm sorry about that HN. You did very well to keep your cool and not blame him. I'm proud of you, had to be hard. I tell my daughter all of the time about her little brother when she is screaming he did this and he said that - that little boys will thow rocks in the river all day long because they like to see the splash, if you will stop splashing he will stop prevoking you because it won't be any fun. I agree with your husband - don't splash, don't honor her with any response, that will send the biggest message. OK, that's the smarter me, I would have a hard time resisting dialing straight to her messages and telling her thankyou for the christmas wishes we were doing just fine and having a wonderful christmas alone this year! I would want to be sure and wish her luck in the new year and sincerely express my hopes that she might get a life.
puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 "She" had a bad day and did what she did and your therapist is correct as well as your H--any reaction is a reaction--don't give it. The silence will tell her all she needs to know...AND WHO CARES WHAT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW? The fact that your H wishes to ignore is a sure sign that he DOESN'T CARE!!!! So why would you? You should be doing the happy dance, girl! oops, then again, sorry that happened, but ****, do the happy dance anyways cuz it's a great sign and nothing to rain on your parade/holiday/vacation.
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Thanks, I know that it's best to ignore. I'm sure my H is right that any contact would bring her back into our lives and I just managed to wash that OW right out of my hair. I do like IWWH's idea of wishing her a happy holiday, but I don't think I can pull that off.
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Off to do the Happy Dance. I think I need a new outfit and shoes to dance in. "She" had a bad day and did what she did and your therapist is correct as well as your H--any reaction is a reaction--don't give it. The silence will tell her all she needs to know...AND WHO CARES WHAT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW? The fact that your H wishes to ignore is a sure sign that he DOESN'T CARE!!!! So why would you? You should be doing the happy dance, girl! oops, then again, sorry that happened, but ****, do the happy dance anyways cuz it's a great sign and nothing to rain on your parade/holiday/vacation.
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Do not call her back...Infact what could send her a message is - Changing the cell phone number. If she gets the nerve to call again, it would be a slap in the face to her to hear "This number is no longer in service." That might be enough to make it CLEAR to her that your husband (and you) don't want to hear from her.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 HN: Sorry to hear that she is having trouble moving on and reaching out where she is not welcome...you're handling it with a ton of class...I agree with everyone that the best reaction is no reaction, silence will send the appropriate message...
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 I actually fear what I might say if I spoke to her. I can be a vicious woman scorned.
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Good idea! Do not call her back...Infact what could send her a message is - Changing the cell phone number. If she gets the nerve to call again, it would be a slap in the face to her to hear "This number is no longer in service." That might be enough to make it CLEAR to her that your husband (and you) don't want to hear from her.
movinon05 Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Do not call her back...Infact what could send her a message is - Changing the cell phone number. If she gets the nerve to call again, it would be a slap in the face to her to hear "This number is no longer in service." That might be enough to make it CLEAR to her that your husband (and you) don't want to hear from her. Nah, don't change the number. I think its more effective that she gets no response with a working number. If you change it, she might conjure in her mind that you made him do it and that you are threatened by her. I'm glad you and your H are on the same page and things are working well for you.
puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Off to do the Happy Dance. I think I need a new outfit and shoes to dance in. Heck, who needs an excuse to buy new shoes? But since we are "there" what would you like??? Manolo, Jimmy Choo, Payless, Gucci? Strappy, 3", red, black, ooooh!, maybe purple? Animal print?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Heck, who needs an excuse to buy new shoes? But since we are "there" what would you like??? Manolo, Jimmy Choo, Payless, Gucci? Strappy, 3", red, black, ooooh!, maybe purple? Animal print? OOO this sounds like so much fun, I'm game for a new dress and shoes, can we have a happy dance party! I'll bring margaritas!
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Is it OK for a woman in her 40's to wear leather boots and a mini skirt? OOO this sounds like so much fun, I'm game for a new dress and shoes, can we have a happy dance party! I'll bring margaritas!
NearlyThere Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 OOO this sounds like so much fun, I'm game for a new dress and shoes, can we have a happy dance party! I'll bring margaritas! I know i'm far away but can I come as well, will bring some music?
puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Maybe we would like a few pair of boots..four inch stiletto heels.."these boots are made for walkin' and that's just what they'll do...someday these boots are gonna walk all ova you!...." HORNS anyone? Da da da da da.....
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Is it OK for a woman in her 40's to wear leather boots and a mini skirt? H*** yeah...sounds HOT...
NearlyThere Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Maybe we would like a few pair of boots..four inch stiletto heels.."these boots are made for walkin' and that's just what they'll do...someday these boots are gonna walk all ova you!...." HORNS anyone? Da da da da da..... I've got that as a ring tone on my mobile (cell), lol.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 K! Boots and mini skirts madatory for everyone, we have booze, music, a dress code ... shall we choreograph a happy dance or just go free style? While we're at it, anyone have a poll they could bring! This is gonna be too much fun!
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Sounds like we can just dance to our ring tones in our black leather boots.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 OH, and a theme song! What more could one want??
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Appletini for me please! K! Boots and mini skirts madatory for everyone, we have booze, music, a dress code ... shall we choreograph a happy dance or just go free style? While we're at it, anyone have a poll they could bring! This is gonna be too much fun!
NearlyThere Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 K! Boots and mini skirts madatory for everyone, we have booze, music, a dress code ... shall we choreograph a happy dance or just go free style? While we're at it, anyone have a poll they could bring! This is gonna be too much fun! We need some food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any offers, and what sort of food should it be???
Author herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Lots of dips! Oh and finger food. We need some food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any offers, and what sort of food should it be???
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I say we cater this thing out, don't need to be worrying about cooking and cleaning when we have a mini skirt and boots to shop for! Um,, er... just wondering where one might go to purchase a mini skirt??? I HATE to have to call my teenager and ask as she will know that something is definitely up!
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