rina_r Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 My SO was gone for 2 weeks to see his parents (he is military, deploying soon). I did not miss him, i did not care whether he called or not. He came back - i still am not excited and dont really want to see him. We had a perfect relationship. There is no reason for me to be this way but i cant stop it, i cant figure out why i feel this way. I dont want to see him, dont want to spend time with him. I dont know what is going on. If i knew, i would find a way top fix it. He is asking me what is goingon and i have no answers....feels like it is the end....
Buttaflyy Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 It sounds like it is the end. I'm sorry, I know how you feel. Sometimes, these things hurt just as bad as being on the other end.
dropdeadlegs Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Wow, that's unusual. Did this happen suddenly? Your post makes it sound like the light switch was turned off when he left and now in trying to turn it back on it simply doesn't work anymore. Is there any possibility that you are subconsciously distancing yourself and your feelings because he will be deployed? Maybe you don't want anything to do with a long distance relationship. Maybe your are afraid of his coming to some harm involving serious life altering injury or even death. Just some thoughts.
Author rina_r Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Is there any possibility that you are subconsciously distancing yourself and your feelings because he will be deployed? Maybe you don't want anything to do with a long distance relationship. Maybe your are afraid of his coming to some harm involving serious life altering injury or even death. You know, thats what military wives told me. That there are several stages of deployment and i am going through the first of it: distancing myself, etc.
Buttaflyy Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 You know, thats what military wives told me. That there are several stages of deployment and i am going through the first of it: distancing myself, etc. Makes sense, but you don't miss being with him, or miss him at all when he's gone? That sounds like your feelings for him are fizzling IMO.
Storyrider Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Sometimes anger can be translated into boredom or indifference especially when you're uncomfortable expressing anger. Is anger one of the stages of deployment?
dropdeadlegs Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Is anger one of the stages of deployment? I bet it is. I would bet that the stages are similar as those related to death (loss.) The mind has some strange ways of protecting us sometimes.
Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT I have been with a man for 5 months. He told me a few months ago that he has strong values and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. I was a little disappointed, but I respect his beliefs. We are very open with each other and I have never lied to him about anything until he asked me how many people I have slept with. I said 3, but the real number is around 40. I've never been so sure about someone in my life until I met him and wish to put my promiscuity in the past, but I fear he may look at me differently due to his strong values. That is why I wonder if it is necessary for me to tell him the real number of people I have had sex with. Or is this a lie that can remain a secret?
Guest Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Rina r...I think you're trying to protect yourself in your mind.I know the feeling, and it was related to the sudden death of a close family member.Suddenly I wanted to run as far away as possible from my boyf.Like a light switch went off overnight with no good reason.Had a chat with a councillor eventually because it ended up causing panic attacks. They said that the death caused me to see the "bad" side of life..to realise that you put yourself out there when you love someone and you leave yourself open to being hurt.I was subconciously realising how little control we have over life and that fear was creating a desire to basically wrap myself up in cotton wool to avoid being hurt.The boyf was the first thing to be affected coz he was one of the few things I had control over. I know it sounds all clinical, but give yourself a chance.It's hard.But then you can end up going down a road where you won't let yourself love anyone coz you don't want to be hurt.The subconcious mind is very powerful. Btw, I'm still with my boyf, and it's improved a lot. Just a few thoughts.Good luck
Guest Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 DO NOT tell him the real number, I had a very similar situation happen to me, she told me three and when the real number came out it significantly changed the way I thought about her and affected our relationship for a very long time as far as the trust issue.
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