WonderWater Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Good day, all, I am having an affair with a MM, who has not told his wife and has no intention of leaving her. I have told my husband about the affair, and we are currently separated, due to it. I would like to start divorce proceedings, but everytime I broach the subject with my husband we disagree on custody of our 4 year old daughter, and many other things that need to be decided in divorce. More and more, it looks like it is going to be a court battle. The problem with this is that my husband has promised me that if this goes to court, he will make sure my affair is revealed in the trial and that my MM will have to testify or at least be brought to the public light. This will obviously destroy my MM's marriage. So, what do I do? I am completely unhappy in my marriage and want out, but I do not want my MM's marriage to be ruined. Keep in mind that I know he does not love me, and the only thing he wants from me is sex. But, deep down, I cannot hurt another human being like that. Thanks...
Freedom Now Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I don't know what state you live in, but he will not be brought into court to prove the affair during the divorce in the state of Illinois. I know. I went through it. Now, in a custody battle, I don't know. I know that they can turn into blood baths. But I do not believe that your MM will be asked to testify in a custody battle. Because you had an affair does not make you a bad parent unless you were having sex in front of your daughter which I am sure didn't happen. And anyway, why would your MM be drug into the custody battle? He had nothing to do with your parenting skills. My ex went through a messy, messy divorce and she threatened to drag me into court, too. I never once was asked to appear. Sounds to me like he is threatening with no real backup. Stay tuned though. My ex is a lawyer. I'll ask him. Remember though, the law is different from state to state. I can find out for Illinois if you would like.
puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Threats are just that: threats. Consult with a lawyer or two or three or twelve and learn for yourself--don't take your H word for this. Never the less, your concern is your child's well being not the OM. He chose to become involved and what is done is done. It is highly doubtful that he would be called to testify or that you would loose your child regarding an affair. Even should he be called his marriage is his deal and yours is your future and your child's well-being so forget all else and concentrate soley on her. The affair coming into the open should be nothing you feel badly about compared to this and your husband shouldn't be using your child as a pawn against you! Factually, that could even be used against HIM as he does not seem to have his daughter's true welfare in mind--which is about having two loving and supportive parents, together or apart. You may wish to enter counseling at this time which would prove to the court that you are dealing w/ yourself and that may also aid you as to what testimonials are entered into court proceedings (your counselor's attestment that you are a sound parent) as well as aid you in dealing w/ your husband's manipulations and his anger. Take good care of yourself and be strong for your daughter!
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Keep in mind that I know he does not love me, and the only thing he wants from me is sex. But, deep down, I cannot hurt another human being like that. You obviously hurt your husband, and he's a human being...You hurt him by having an affair just for sex with a MM. The only option is protecting your child and even though you and your husband are splitting up, things must be done fairly to protect your daughter.
movinon05 Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 You are not stuck. Your H is venting. The only way this could happen is if there is a trial and it got down and dirty. Now, most lawyers worth a grain of salt are going to talk to their clients and get them to think about the best interest of the child. My exH used my exMM's name in the divorce papers, and this was also grounds for D. However, exMM was never brought into it. In fact, I had counter allegations, and both attorneys agreed to withdraw certain allegations we made and base the D solely on the length of our separation (per laws in our state). Judges really don't want to get into this bashing back and forth. Hell, half of them have had As also! But they do consider the welfare of the child. You have a young child. She needs both her parents. It is very costly to go through something like this to drag it into a trial. For the most part, you only see that stuff on tv.
movinon05 Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I just reread your post. You said "I AM having an A". Apparently, its still going on? If it continues, your H is going to do everything to catch you and make things miserable. I also wouldn't doubt he would expose the MM to his W. After all, your H has nothing to lose now if he does so. Tread carefully here and talk to your lawyer about this.
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I could be wrong, but another reason why she may not want the MM's wife to find out because then their affair would be more than likely be over.
movinon05 Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I just read your last two posts. Go back and read your post in July. I'm just curious. Is the pain still worth it? Judging from your second post, I think not.
pureinheart Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Hey Wonderwater.... If you are in CA, your H can't do jack....could he be all mouth? Man I hate that...threats and all.... You know, I understand that people are hurt, hey I've been there and never resorted to threats. Good luck WW....my prayers are with you! (((((((((((hugs)))))))))
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