hopeto Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 okay , here I go hopefuly it wont be long. I got through christmas and it was actually not so bad. My daughter racked up. anyway you will have to read my other post to know where I am comming from. short and sweet I was molested as a child by all the important men in my life and recently found husband looking at youg girls ages 10 to maybe 15 if that old. porn. I have been in turmoral and in all my 33 years of life I never skiped a cycle and last month I did. no scare of being pregnant cause I have had no sex in a year cause husband like to take care of him self. he has an adiction but does not want to admit it, and blames me for bing fat and nasty(in which I am not)I know most dont want to here it but gosh I am hurting and the doc says that it was due to the stress. anyway I have been grasping at straws and tossing back and forth with the divorce. I told him that he had to get help and us see a marriage counslor to work out what is needed. I was told by his family that he does not want to go and has no intentions. on christmas, it was suprisingly nice. we actually talked. it was about nothing but just simple conversation. I did something that I regret cause I felt rejection and I set myself up for the fall. I just went with my gut feeling to just give him a little peck on the lips to say thanks for my christmas and that it was nice. I have been married to this man and with him for 18 years and it still does not stop the love. I wanted so badly to get a reaction of just, well I dont know. I was hopeing that I could feel his love in that one little peck but I felt like he was gone. I wonted to fell something from him but I felt rejection by him agian once agian. even though we were sivel and had a good christmas I just felt like he does not love me. my heart broke again. I knew I was going to set myself up for failure again but I had to do what my gut said. it was nagging and nagging at me. so I was doing fine but now I just dont know. I wished he would have just embrased me and said I will do what ever it takes but that is not the case here and I am not begging him anymore. he told his family that he was not going to get any help and that I was going and good for me but he is not and it was just time for our marriage to be over. so I just need to confirm that and he did. or what am I thinking? I have not touched him nor him touching me or hell for that matter stay in the same room for more than 30 mins sience I found him out. was it just a shock to him or what? it was a simple little peck. but you can tell alot from someones action but he had none. what, when and how......
mum2three Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 It is really strange but my H completely shut himself out from me after he dropped the D-bomb. I couldn't even hold his hand let alone peck him on the cheek. Now I did remember I attempted to early on when he broke the news b/c I had hope and I was acting loving. But he turned his face too. He has been stone cold and I feel like a leper. But actions speak louder than words. At this point, I don't think they want anything to do with us. Hang in there. Don't pursue him. The pros here will give u some good advice. Good luck, keep us posted.
Dad_of_3 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 okay , here I go hopefuly it wont be long. I got through christmas and it was actually not so bad. My daughter racked up. anyway you will have to read my other post to know where I am comming from. short and sweet I was molested as a child by all the important men in my life and recently found husband looking at youg girls ages 10 to maybe 15 if that old. porn. Ok, hopeto. Geeeez where do I begin with this one. Well my STBXW was also a abused child as well. In a way I can feel and empathise with that. In regards to that, I hope you have and if you still need to, going to IC. As long as this is worked through by yourself, its important that it is for your daughters sake and your own. My main concern at the moment even with this paragraph is the fact that he is doing this and you have a daughter. I guess I dont want to alarm you but men should not be looking at this type of material who are sound of mind and stable. I'm sorry just my opinion. In life it only takes the most stupid of choices to cross any line. Please oh please ensure the safety of your daughter. With this information, ask yourself, is this the type of person you want your daughter to have as a role model in her life? I have been in turmoral and in all my 33 years of life I never skiped a cycle and last month I did. no scare of being pregnant cause I have had no sex in a year cause husband like to take care of him self. he has an adiction but does not want to admit it, and blames me for bing fat and nasty(in which I am not)I know most dont want to here it but gosh I am hurting and the doc says that it was due to the stress. anyway I would consult your doctor immediately or seek out help wherever you can get it. It is integral and of the utmost importance you are taking care of yourself. Look deeper into your own well being. What you are going through puts a lot of strain and stress on the body. But you've made the first step already by noticing them. Take the next and start taking care of yourself. Calling you fat and nasty, what is his f*cking problem? What makes him so friggin special? Dont for a second, apologise for anything you post. This is your space right here. Post whatever, and dont feel bad about it. We are all here to listen, maybe even some of the posters to help out. I have been grasping at straws and tossing back and forth with the divorce. I told him that he had to get help and us see a marriage counslor to work out what is needed. I was told by his family that he does not want to go and has no intentions. on christmas, it was suprisingly nice. we actually talked. it was about nothing but just simple conversation. No one will change unless they truly want to. No matter where the advice comes from. As always the decision to change falls squarely on his own shoulders. I did something that I regret cause I felt rejection and I set myself up for the fall. I just went with my gut feeling to just give him a little peck on the lips to say thanks for my christmas and that it was nice. I have been married to this man and with him for 18 years and it still does not stop the love. I wanted so badly to get a reaction of just, well I dont know. I was hopeing that I could feel his love in that one little peck but I felt like he was gone. I wonted to fell something from him but I felt rejection by him agian once agian. There is nothing wrong with what you did. You dont have to look back over it with regret. What you did, you did out of love. A yearning for this man you once knew. You're still so entwined with him. You need to take a step back and reassess before taking these actions. Love makes us do alot of crazy and painful things sometimes. My advice would be to learn to control it. When these thoughts and impulses come into your head, take a step back or take a deep breath before you proceed. even though we were sivel and had a good christmas I just felt like he does not love me. my heart broke again. I knew I was going to set myself up for failure again but I had to do what my gut said. it was nagging and nagging at me. so I was doing fine but now I just dont know. I wished he would have just embrased me and said I will do what ever it takes but that is not the case here and I am not begging him anymore. he told his family that he was not going to get any help and that I was going and good for me but he is not and it was just time for our marriage to be over. so I just need to confirm that and he did. or what am I thinking? I have not touched him nor him touching me or hell for that matter stay in the same room for more than 30 mins sience I found him out. was it just a shock to him or what? it was a simple little peck. but you can tell alot from someones action but he had none. what, when and how...... Its time to reassess the situation. As much as it is painful and hurtful. This is necessary for you and your daughter at this time. He has made this decision, well, he will have to walk this path. Everyone wants to know they are worth fighting for. What they had is worth fighting for. But this is truly a dance for two, if its only wanted by one, its destined to fail. This is a tough time, I make no bones about that, but one thing I do know is that it does get better. There are times when it is tough, but its nothing but riding it out, getting over that peak so to speak. I think some time to yourself to work out where YOU are going. I know its hard, but maybe a harsh wakeup call that you are gone might be what he needs. Not trying to get your hopes up or anything. Best of Luck and keep posting
Author hopeto Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 hey I am doing much better today and I really have good days and bad. my little girl is my main strif. I am living and breathing for her and she is my energy to keep me going and to look forword to the new start. I am up with her right now she has a really bad cold and a cough that is terrible I think it is the flew. need lots of prayer for her so her little body can heal. I have and I am thinking of her and her being a girl. I will not ever in any power of mine let what happened to me happen to her. anyway I have just got to keep posting and I know it is long but I have so much to offer and I am worth loving and being treated like I need to be. I just dought that there are men out there that can. not being ugly but I dont want another like the one I have!!! and I am not sure I can trust anymore. I certainly dont want a relationship at all anytime in the nearr future after I go through this "d" I just want it to be me myself and I and my baby girl. well she is 6 on the 12th so happy B-DAY to her.
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