walking_wounded Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I have been together with this guy for 2 years. We met when I was with another guy, and I broke up with my ex to be with him. In my previous relationship, I was unhappy but looking back, i should have been single for awhile first and started this current relationship anew. I don't really know where to start in order to get accurate advice here. My bf is a quiet person, prefers to stick to close friends (which he only has very few) and does not like to be put down at all. He has a bad temper sometimes. He doesn't like to be affectionate but expresses his love quietly. On the other hand, I'm a bit loud and maybe i get carried away with myself when i'm in a social situation. I have a temper too and i need attention i suppose to put it bluntly. So does he, but when he feels like it i guess. We have been living together for about 1.5 years. He doesnt like alot of my friends as they are a bad influence and of which I have stopped contact with because i love him and i dont want to anger him. We fight maybe once a month and usually because of the following: * sometimes i am too loud in a social situation and this makes him look bad because i am unable to shut up. i talk too much when around people. * i have in the past lied to him. I have NEVER cheated on him. My lies centred around being with friends he did not want me to see and it was my fault for lying to him. According to him, if i don't tell him everything, I lie. So I try to tell him everything according to the best of my ability to remember. * we were on a trip overseas and I met up with an ex alone. he was invited but he didnt want to come and i guess me going angered him. I was wrong to meet up with my ex when in foresight i should have known better. I did not do anything with my ex at all - we are platonic friends. * sometimes i am selfish because i put work over him as i sometimes stay late at work and don't come home when i should. ireally try very hard to balance both but it really is very difficult for me. work is demanding and i'm trying to put him first, even though i am bad at it. * recently, we fought and i did the unthinkable, i hit him. it shocked and hurt him deeply. i was so angry i just lashed out. we were fighting and he started calling me names like 'f*cking sh*t', etc and saying how he doesn't want to be with me. I hit him as i was so blinded by anger. he forgave me but i really hurt him with that. * In the past, i bitched about him to my friends. sometimes when he is in a bad mood, it really takes a toll on me and i just get spiteful and say bad things about him when i shouldn't. it was wrong of me, and i have stopped but once in awhile i vent. Yesterday, we were supposed to head out for lunch with a friend and he had gone to the gym in the morning and was tired. we were running late and he was still in bed so i got frustrated and texted my friend to say that my bf was being a sh*t and we will be late. I accidentally sent it to my bf and he read it and was angry but he kept it in. Later in the night, we were playing poker with his friends and i was carried away by the game. I didnt have a note to break so hepaid for me first. he was on a losing streak and basically later on when he asked me if he could borrow money to which i said quite loudly that he shouldn't as he was losing and that maybe he should stop for a bit. i said it out of concern but it must have embarassed him. it was my fault for not being more tactful and considerate of him. towards the end of the game, he was angry and when we got into the car to go home, he started calling me names and saying that i am disrespecting him and that i always backstab him as i tell people my problems with him. I was really upset so i packed my things and went to my dad's home for the night. he now wants to break up with me for good as he says he has given me too many chances. I really love him, and alot of the time i do not know the consequences of what i do as honestly, alot of it stems from my personality (being loud) and i guess, the need to vent. i know i have wronged him but i dont want to break up. i feel like dying now that i am writing this. i don't know what to say to him because all he says to me is that it is over.
uksteve Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 If physical violence or even bad verbal abuse comes into a relationship it is a very bad sign - a complete breakdown of communication. But to be honest you're only human and we all make mistakes - if you realise what you have done is wrong and don't do it again then that's the way forward. With regard to the boyfriend, maybe the relationship has come to an end and it's time to move on. It sounds like you both had a bit of a troublesome relationship at times and maybe need a bit of space each to clear your heads and have a good think about what to do. Personally i would avoid contact for a few days - be prepared that the relationship could be finally over and be ready to accept that, even though it's utterly horrible, it will get better in the coming days. Hope that helps a bit !
notmakingsense Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I read through your description of what is wrong, and honestly, I think you are placing too much blame on yourself. Your bf seems a bit controlling -- I don't think being "loud", maintaining contact with friends he doesn't like, etc. are wrong. I just think he is too sensitive and un-trusting. Take a break from him for a while. Think about what you really want in a boyfriend and think about whether or not he is really it for you.
Grrlish Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I read through your description of what is wrong, and honestly, I think you are placing too much blame on yourself. Your bf seems a bit controlling -- I don't think being "loud", maintaining contact with friends he doesn't like, etc. are wrong. I just think he is too sensitive and un-trusting. Take a break from him for a while. Think about what you really want in a boyfriend and think about whether or not he is really it for you. I agree that your boyfriend sounds a bit controlling. I would never stand for a man that I'm dating calling me names. That is just uncalled for unless that man wants that to be the last time we ever speak. Hitting is not okay. When I get angry, I have a temper. In the past, once I've crossed some 'line', I've tended to reach out and slap/hit, as well. I have the take the equality stance on this one. Would YOU stand for someone hitting you? I'd go with Notmakingsense's advice and really give this some thought to see if you can figure out if he's really a good match for you.
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