Guest Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I am currently in a long-term relationship of eight years and engaged for 3 years. However, for the past year the relationship has been stagnant though we had not experienced any major problems. Recently he shared with me his doubt (over the past fout years) about remaining in the relationship due to he wants to be 100 % certain I am the "right" person for him. Can anyone be 100% certain? He and I have only dated each other prior to our relationship and I want very much to spend the rest of my life with him. We are very compaitable and like any other couple we often failed to effectivley communicate with one another. Aside from this, I cannot understand what has happened between us. He is a capricorn and I am a pisces. Can anyone help me understand. Should I let hime go. We live together and I feel as though we are already apart. This raises doubts in my mind as well.
blind_otter Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 To me, it seems like when you are in a longterm relationship you can take for granted that intimacy is already there. You still have to work for it, and the truth is that longterm relationships actually demand more work in the intimacy department. Maybe you guys should see a marriage counselor while engaged to work through these issues. If you are both willing to do the work, then the relationship can be revived.
slimmontana Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I think open honest communication is the only solution to this problem Blind Otter is right u should seek some counseling but having doubts is natural its only when they persist does it become a problem. u mention engaged for 3 years why such a long engagement?
Grrlish Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Engaged for three years? Are you closing in on the wedding day? Being engaged includes having a wedding date set. Sounds to me like he gave you an engagement ring and/or proposed to pacify you. He's had doubts about even staying in the relationship for the last four years?? Even before he proposed/bought you a pacifier, er, engagement ring? Even more of a reason to believe that the ring was to get you to stay put without him actually committing. He wants to be 100% certain you are the "right" person for him? He doesn't know after EIGHT years? Honey, that's a crock. He's going to stretch this thing out for as long as he can, or until he meets someone that he IS sure about. You didn't say how old you are but since you're each other's first loves, it's probably a fair assumption that you're, what, in your early 20s? Geez, girl...why would you want to spend one more minute with someone who hasn't even been sure that they want to have a relationship with you for the last four years??? If he's not sure about even being in the relationship, he sure as heck isn't sure about marrying you! Give him back the ring and tell him to take a hike. You deserve to be with someone who at least is sure that they want to be in a relationship with you...don't ya think? I know how hard it is. I met a man when I was 21 that I ended up dating for over 8 years. I waited...and waited...and waited for him to propose to me. Guess what? By the time he got around to it, I didn't want to anymore. Best thing I ever did. I love him still and we're best friends. This is how I know that he's cheated on every serious girlfriend that he's had since we broke up and has cheated on his wife. He has been married for four years, has a second child on the way, hates being married, and hates being married to the person to whom he's married. EDIT: I have very few regrets about anything I've ever done in my life. I'm not that kind of person. If I had to point to anything...it would be spending nearly my entire 20s waiting for him to marry me. We were madly in love but he is a huge commitment-phobe. Yes, he's married. But to this day he points to the fact that his father had just died, his mother was on her way into a senior care facility, and he was having legal battles with his brother over every penny - and he insists that the only reason he married her is because she caught him at a weak point in his life. Girl, if he doesn't want to stand on the rooftops and shout about the two of you getting hitched...soon...is that really the man you want to marry? I wouldn't...
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