WonderWater Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I don't know where to turn anymore. I find myself in a situation that I have no one to talk to. I have been involved with a MM since March. At that time, he was my deputy boss. That situation has been eliminated, as he has moved on to another organization. The problem is that the affair has continued. I don't know why anymore. I am so tired of the emotional heartbreak. I myself am a MW with a 4 year old daughter. My husband and I are currently separated. I got married too young and am not happy with my marriage (I feel trapped). My husband is my best friend, but I don't have any romantic feelings for him whatsoever. As much as I try to tell myself that I don't care about the MM, I really do. He is a source of strength for me. I enjoy being with him, sexually and non-sexually. We can talk together for hours, and the passion between us is incredible. But, for him, I am just sex. I told my husband about the affair - I couldn't live with the lie. He has not told his wife, and can justify it in amazing ways. He claims he hasn't had sex with her for 4 years. But, I find that really hard to believe. Recently, he has made all of these comments to me about us being married, having a kid, etc... (He told me, "You know that we are more than just friends") Deep down, I know that they are just to string me along and keep me on the side as his play toy. But, I'll admit it, I so want them to be true. But, the writing is on the wall, we have been together for 10 months, and he hasn't made a move to end his marriage or to progress our relationship any further. Obviously, he is not going to. I need the strength to stand up for myself and admit that I deserve better than this. I need to be able to say that I have suffered enough for past mistakes and that he is just another one. It just hurts me so much anymore after one of our "sessions". After so much talk about us as a real couple, I had hoped for so much more this afternoon. But, it had been a while for us, and he obviously didn't want to talk. I like to admit that I am still a decent human being. This is the only really bad thing I have done in my life. But, this evil little side of me wants his wife to find out. He still believes that he is going to be able to have the perfect marriage with her, have kids, and live happily ever after. Is it wrong of me to say that he doesn't deserve that? (Granted, this is getting a little more philosophical or religious here.)
movinon05 Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 He still believes that he is going to be able to have the perfect marriage with her, have kids, and live happily ever after. Is it wrong of me to say that he doesn't deserve that? (Granted, this is getting a little more philosophical or religious here.) If this is what he believes, you are in a no-win situation. Whether you think he deserves it or not, you deserve better. You're now going through a D. With all the stress you are going to go through, you need to start focusing now, on you and your daughter. And start preparing for a new life. You're going through what I went through. There's a whole world out there and you're going to see it for yourself in time.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 WW: do you want to end the A? First, start there...although you say you deserve better, is that what you want? How do you feel about him saying that you are just for sex? Does it hurt you? I know that you are a decent human being, people make mistakes...You made a mistake and owned up to it by telling your H and beginning the process of ending your M...but don't make a bigger one by telling the W out of spite...I know it's tempting, but I don't think it's your place... Going through a divorce is a time and emotion-consuming process...it is 'crazy time'...there's a book out there with that title, but I can't remember the author's name...google it if you're interested...I read it and it helped me see that everyone handles divorce differently...for myself, I grew tremendously, and it showed me life in a different light... I wish you the best in everything that you are going through...
puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 You are going through a very emotional period and are the Mother of a young child. You are going through a divorce and have had an affair. So be it--nothing to feel badly about. BUT you have nothing to cling right now so the A is what is available and gave you comfort. Perhaps it has served its purpose. More importantly you are now alone and a Mother with a young child. Many of us have been in your shoes--it's really frightening. You feel you have no "source" of strength"; but you did have the source of strength to leave an unhappy marriage. That take BALLS!!! You have everything within you to move forward--you can do it. You will do it because you love your life and your baby. You can do it because dating is FUN and you didn't have that opportunity but now you do--thus, you will never be alone as you are young, single and FREE. Just do us older ladies a favor--don't have all of the sex and leave us some crumbs, K? Best wishes and please leave some crumbs!
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