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Posted

Coping is all I can do.. Since me and my husband separated I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Its been 6 months now since he moved in with his mom and dad, he seems to be real happy, me on the other hand "I am miserable." You would think after 6 months the feelings of being abandon, the unwanted feelings of being alone would go away, but for me, I still struggle.

 

This is my first christmas without my husband in 10 years. I spent it with my family, but I still felt alone. My husband on the other hand went on a road trip to see family in Texas and Georgia with his mother and his kids. When I heard about the trip all I wanted to do is cry, but I did not want him to see the tears. I just wished he would of considered my feelings, but when has he. I feel my 10 years of marriage was all alot of give from me. he seemed never to appreciate the things I did, at least not all the time.

 

I am trying so hard to let him go, but how do I get him out my heart, my every thought. It is so hard, I can at least say I dont cry as much, but at the beginning of our separation I cried every day all the time. I hated that feeling, I felt like he had all the control of my emotionals and did not have any. How do you let go?

 

what makes it hard is we both tell each other we love each other. we offten would go out to dinner, he might sometimes spend the night or I would spend the night with him. I tell him I just dont understand why we just can get back together, all he could say is that we have to take it slow. What broke up our marriage could be blamed on lots of thing, but the main thing was we grew apart. In the end we were more like roommates (I became his mom), then husband and wife. I tried real hard to be a good wife, his best friend, his everything, but no matter what I did or said it was never good enough. I find myself saying to him "all I ever wanted you to be is proud of me," I say this often but deep down I really dont know what this means to me. I know it sounds stupid but its true.

 

I find myself realizing I am wasting my time trying to get back with my husband. I feel like I failed, "I hate that feeling." I failed at being someones better half, I wished it could be different. Today, I feel like I have to give up, even though I dont want to, I feel I have too. It hurts, it feels like the first day he left me 6 months ago. I feel very alone and almost afraid to be alone, what should I do. Is it wrong to hold on to a relationship that is doomed to fail no matter what happens, or is it wrong to love a man that might not love me in the same way.

Posted

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it's tough but you can get through this. It is best to not see your husband if you want to get over him. Even if you want to get back together with him it is best to go no contact with him until he makes up his mind. It will be hard to not see him or talk to him but it will get easier as time passes. You are going to have to find other things to do. I dont' know what your interests are but start there. Maybe sign up for a class. Anything to keep your mind busy. You may want to start working out to relieve stress. If you don't belong to a gym, maybe long walks will help a lot. It will lift your spirits and make you look great. If you are so depressed you can't pull yourself out of it seek professional help right away.

 

The fact that your husband moved in with his mom and dad and is happy now for 6 months seems odd. But, if he is happy now that he is away and wasn't happy when he was married, that may not look too good for reconciliation. Maybe if you stay away from him he will have a chance to miss you and then decide faster if he wants to come back or not. Good luck and remember time really does heal wounds.

Posted

I was in a LTR and tried to be friends with my ex for over a year. Talking on the phone, having overnights, and going out... because of the intermittent contact, it was so hard to get over him. In the meantime, he was dating other people, yet I was still holding a torch for him. Over time, I realized I was giving him all the power, I was giving him MY power to be happy and although I loved him, I needed to love ME more.

 

It's so hard to go NC with someone that you love so much, but as stillafool said, time does heal wounds... you won't forget, but you will be able to move on.

Posted

They aren't lying -- time does heal wounds. Don't beat yourself up because you aren't over it yet. It will take a long time. Take it one day at a time. Expect re-lapses and don't beat yourself over those either. Guin is right about the intermittent contact. That has been my downfall in my divorce. I find that each conversation you have, each meeting you have...it draws you back in, sets you up whether you realize it or not. Going No Contact is difficult, still dealing with that myself, but it really is worth it. Whether you get back together or not, it's beneficial to 'go silent'. It gives him time to miss you and not 'have the best of both worlds'. It gives you the time to reflect, to live your life, to become okay with yourself whether it works out or not. It's not ignoring your problems or running away from them. It's your chance to let yourself heal. And every time you break NC and talk to him, you are undoing some of your emotional healing.

 

You need this, because it is breaking your heart again and again to keep having contact with him and then being 'rejected' by your own husband. You keep the contact because you want him to change his mind, but it just doesn't work that way.

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