scaredinlove Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I posted before that I was a MW seeing a MM, his wife found out started treatening to tell the world.I told my husband he become crazy and I have to have taken out of the house and now we are separated. MM's wife and family keep harassing me and it has being four months now that this situation is going on. My family and friends feel that it is all MMs fault. They say he should protect me from his family and that I was a victim in his hands.And it is his fault that my marriage is ended and that he hasn't suffered as much as I did. Do you agree with my friends and family ?
noforgiveness Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 You're kidding right?? You are married. YOU chose to go against your marriage vows and have sex with another man. YOU made that choice. YOU destroyed your marriage. Take accountability for your own actions and don't blame others. You'll never move on if you don't.
yousaveme Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 he should be protecting you from all this. If he has or cared about you at all. Mine did I will never forget that
noforgiveness Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 he should be protecting you from all this. If he has or cared about you at all. Mine did I will never forget that oh please. How on earth was she a victim in this as her family states? She chose to dishonor her marriage voews. That was her choice. Same as MM chose to dishonor his and let the chips fall where they may. Victim?? :laugh: She was a willing participant in an affair and doesn't like the outcome so it must be someone elses fault.
yousaveme Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 lo mein with tang .... But seriously He should be protecting you.
peacelove Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 cream of sum yung guy. Protection is best ya know.
Author scaredinlove Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 You're kidding right?? You are married. YOU chose to go against your marriage vows and have sex with another man. YOU made that choice. YOU destroyed your marriage. Take accountability for your own actions and don't blame others. You'll never move on if you don't. I didn't said it was MY OPINION, I said that is what people is telling me.I was just wondering if people in this site agreed with them. We are not discussing my choices we are discussing my family and friends opinions, please read the question again!
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I posted before that I was a MW seeing a MM, his wife found out started treatening to tell the world.I told my husband he become crazy and I have to have taken out of the house and now we are separated. MM's wife and family keep harassing me and it has being four months now that this situation is going on. My family and friends feel that it is all MMs fault. They say he should protect me from his family and that I was a victim in his hands.And it is his fault that my marriage is ended and that he hasn't suffered as much as I did. Do you agree with my friends and family ? Your family loves you and they don't want to see you hurting, but to be honest and I'm sorry if what I say hurts you, but nowhere in there did it say that your family has put any blame on you. You chose to cheat on your husband, and to put yourself at risk. The MM's wife found out, freaked out and yes, she's handled it awfully, and harrassing you is wrong. Two wrongs do not make a right - I feel for ya on there because noone deserves to deal with that type of thing.... All you can do is take FULL responsibility for your own actions and your own part in the affair. Try to move on, get therapy and if MM, his wife and family still are harrassing you get the Police involved.
yousaveme Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Hard for her to really read the post. All she sees is you were a OW and she needs to go after someone.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 He should be letting his wife vent the anger at him. He chose to cheat on her and his own family, betray them. Damage control...I mean don't get me wrong, his wife has every right to feel the way she does but her actions and her harrassing you is crossing a dangerous line because she's hurt, angry and reacting on high emotions, that make people DO insane things. He should be trying to tell her the affair is over and reining her in before she ends up doing something she'll regret. She needs therapy to cope with the fallout and feelings.
movinon05 Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 SIL, I swear you are going through the same thing I went through! My exMM did NOT protect me. I took the fall! Another reason we are not together today. Your family knows you and loves you. So does mine. It doesn't matter if they "think" he is more responsible than you are. That's not going to change what is going on! Be glad they are there for you. Mine were for me. It sucks when you have to take the fall and the MM comes out shining. But when I went through all that, I kept my head up. You know why? Because I had a higher purpose. My purpose was my kids first. And I knew half of all the scuttlebutts in town had their own skeletons, etc. I rose above and focused. You can only control what you can control. Make a list. What CAN you control? What and who is your main focus? And put your energy into that/them.
yousaveme Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 SIL, I swear you are going through the same thing I went through! My exMM did NOT protect me. I took the fall! Another reason we are not together today. Your family knows you and loves you. So does mine. It doesn't matter if they "think" he is more responsible than you are. That's not going to change what is going on! Be glad they are there for you. Mine were for me. It sucks when you have to take the fall and the MM comes out shining. But when I went through all that, I kept my head up. You know why? Because I had a higher purpose. My purpose was my kids first. And I knew half of all the scuttlebutts in town had their own skeletons, etc. I rose above and focused. You can only control what you can control. Make a list. What CAN you control? What and who is your main focus? And put your energy into that/them. Very well said
herenow Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 The reason you have suffered more than him is that your H made a different decision than his W. I have to say that I disagree with your friends and family. You are all adults and responsible for the choices you make. You and MM chose to have an affair. When the secret was out your husband made his choice to separate and his wife made the choice to stay. I don't think she should be harassing you, but that is her choice as well. It is not the MM job to protect you. If there is anyone he should protect, it should be his wife and family. If you have a problem with his wife, deal with it yourself. You are just as guilty as he is, the wife and your husband are the victims. I know this sounds harsh, but it's just how I feel when a OW (or anyone) shifts all the responsibility to the MM and considers herself a victim. I'm just trying to answer the question honestly.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I posted before that I was a MW seeing a MM, his wife found out started treatening to tell the world.I told my husband he become crazy and I have to have taken out of the house and now we are separated. MM's wife and family keep harassing me and it has being four months now that this situation is going on. My family and friends feel that it is all MMs fault. They say he should protect me from his family and that I was a victim in his hands.And it is his fault that my marriage is ended and that he hasn't suffered as much as I did. Do you agree with my friends and family ? I don't see how it matters if anyone agrees or disagrees with your family...you were not happy in your M obviously and so now you are able to rebuild...i think you should instead focus on yourself and your children...(you have them right?)
noforgiveness Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Hard for her to really read the post. All she sees is you were a OW and she needs to go after someone. NO what i see is a MARRIED WOMAN who chose to dishonor her marriage and her husband left but she is choosing not to accept the responsiblility for it. Maybe if you took some resposibility for your actions and felt some remorse instead of blaming others like a child would do your husband would be more understanding. YOU chose this. No one else did.
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I posted before that I was a MW seeing a MM, his wife found out started treatening to tell the world.I told my husband he become crazy and I have to have taken out of the house and now we are separated. MM's wife and family keep harassing me and it has being four months now that this situation is going on. My family and friends feel that it is all MMs fault. They say he should protect me from his family and that I was a victim in his hands.And it is his fault that my marriage is ended and that he hasn't suffered as much as I did. Do you agree with my friends and family ? I agree that MM should be protecting you from his family. But the police can also do that.
yousaveme Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I agree that MM should be protecting you from his family. But the police can also do that. Good point. BH - the voice of reason
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Good point. BH - the voice of reason reason of insanity maybe
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Only problem with that though is MM protecting you over his wife, is just going to piss her off even more. She has EVERY right to be upset and angry...And what he should be doing is defusing her anger by asking her to direct it at HIM, not you. He has to convince her now to forget about you because the affair is over and you're not in his life anymore. She (his wife) now has a choice. Get help and learn to trust her husband again, or stay in a holding pattern full of anger and hate.
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 She (his wife) now has a choice. Get help and learn to trust her husband again, or stay in a holding pattern full of anger and hate. Option C. Face jail time, restraining order, things like that.
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 But we all know that one of the most common lines a MP will use is " my spouse is crazy " So actually her actions may vindicate the OW since her actions are following the lie. So maybe it wasnt a lie.
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 People DO things that they normally wouldn't do until they're put in a situation with lots of emotions. Obviously she's an adult and has choices too, but her husband, who cheated PUT her IN a situation that MADE her crazy. He lied, lied and lied some more...Probably fed his wife so much crap. He has to be accountable for pushing her over the edge.
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 People DO things that they normally wouldn't do until they're put in a situation with lots of emotions. Obviously she's an adult and has choices too, but her husband, who cheated PUT her IN a situation that MADE her crazy. He lied, lied and lied some more...Probably fed his wife so much crap. He has to be accountable for pushing her over the edge. But her actions DO play into the lie. Im not saying he holds no blame, Im saying looking at it from the outside if this is four months down the road I would question her mental status.
yousaveme Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I think he should be protecting the OW. Its been 4 months , what is she suppose to just take it until the W is ready to stop . That isnt right. If it still continues get the police involved.
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