alphamale Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 My question is; how important should respecting her be? And more importantly how do I respect her again? Does it just take time, does the level of respect I had for WHO she is now, ever outweigh what she did in the past? All that really matters is how much she respects you. Once she stops respecting you then she will be out the door.
Cecelius Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 rct, if you are bugged by this, and she catches wind, and you stay with her, SHE will LOSE respect for you. Ultimately, she will conclude that you aren't man enoughto deal with it but are too afraid to leave. I don't ask, because no matter what it's lame to ask. if you get stuff volunteered, shut it down because it's just a girl test to see what you'll take. If, however, what you learn for one reason or another, turns you off* then you leave. This whole "what they did in the past makes them who they are..." is only partially useful. You never stop finding out who someone is -- if they did a lot of disrespectful stuff, it's going to be hard for you to value the sexual congress you have with her. *and when I say "turns you off" I mean: has ever banged a best friend's brother, has banged more than 2 male friends in the aggregate not otherwise then-dating her, has more than 2 ONS lifetime with acquantainces not qualifying as friends, has ever banged and or attempted to produce reproductive bodily fluids with a dude within 24 hours of meeting him, or has a body count above the 10 range while under the age of 30 or above 20 at any time... but that's just me. Seriously, if you are bugged by it, you should leave her. You deserve better and she needs a shot to leave her past in the past. Go find a woman you are proud to date.
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 This is one of those "do unto others as you would have others do unto you". If you don't need respect for your past sexual exploits then that's your perogative. If someone wants to fantasize about me without an ounce of truth, I can only shrug, but to tell all with a future partner as a sexual turn on is a major sign of immaturity and lack of respect for something private between two people who cared about each other at one time. Major red flag for violation of trust. Trial, I'm not sure why you're impugning the worst motives to either of them in this case. As Walk has pointed out several times, the most important point here is that the OP said specifically that she's not volunteering this information, for sexual gratification or any other reason. He's asking her, and she's reluctantly answering him. That says to me, he's a bit insecure because she has more experience than he does, and he's asking because he can't help himself, and then not liking the answers. It has nothing to do with sexual stimulation on either side, from what I can tell. Why are you assuming it does? At any rate, asking her in that fashion, when he knows he can't handle it and will respond negatively but can't stop himself, is a bit immature on his part, IMO. But regardless, if her past is going to be a problem for him, he might as well know about it and figure out how to deal with it one way or another. Certainly, he shouldn't be with someone he doesn't respect, and she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't respect her.
Grrlish Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Totally agree....the bedroom IS sacred! I never talk about things like that to anyone, it is rude. Other than talking about what needs to be discussed re: safe sex... Any guy that starts asking me the details of my sex life isn't going to get much. How, who, and where is none of his business. And why in the world would I want to know the details of how, who and where of his sex life? I think it would be really weird of a guy to start asking me these sorts of questions.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Trial, I'm not sure why you're impugning the worst motives to either of them in this case. As Walk has pointed out several times, the most important point here is that the OP said specifically that she's not volunteering this information, for sexual gratification or any other reason. He's asking her, and she's reluctantly answering him. That says to me, he's a bit insecure because she has more experience than he does, and he's asking because he can't help himself, and then not liking the answers. It has nothing to do with sexual stimulation on either side, from what I can tell. Why are you assuming it does? At any rate, asking her in that fashion, when he knows he can't handle it and will respond negatively but can't stop himself, is a bit immature on his part, IMO. But regardless, if her past is going to be a problem for him, he might as well know about it and figure out how to deal with it one way or another. Certainly, he shouldn't be with someone he doesn't respect, and she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't respect her. Please read the first part of the thread. That is all. Btw, sign in will ya'?
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