My husband mistress is pregant

[Trouble22]

I thought my husbands mistress was pregant a about 2 months ago becuase he stopped sleeping with me. Well tonight I got my anwser this little bitch posted the ultrasound pictures online. I can't believe that he is that dumb to let her put something like this online when we are still man and wife. We still live in the same house share the same bed although lately we have'nt done the do.

 

He mentioned divorce yesterday, now I know why, he wanted to beat me to the punch before I found out about this baby. Now I'm stuck and I'm not sure what to do. We have three kids together and have been married for 10 years, the kids are 9,7 and 5. I can't take care of them by myself not to mention the fact that I love my husband with all of my heart and I don't want to lose him. However I'm not sure how I can look at him after this, it is because of him that I can't have anymore kids. And I really wanted to have another one. He driving her around in a car that is in my name and he not doing right by anyone not even himself.

 

I had been praying to god to save my marriage up until this point. I could use some advice. Please help I'm over the mad part now I'm just hurt.

[Guest]

excuse me - can we focus on the one that is preggers - isn't that more important?

 

why don't u ask her how she feels to have a bun in the oven? is she excited? did she want to have another baby?

 

what about names?

 

is she nervous about having to go thru all that again?

[Dad_of_3]

Oh goodness, is really all I can say to start.

 

How long has this been going that you have been tolerating it?

You sound like you have known about this for sometime but yet you still let this man into your bed?

Where's your self-respect girl? Where's your self-worth?

You need right now more than anything to start taking care of yourself, cause your wayward husband is thinking nothing else but himself at thos stage.

I can't believe you are letting him get away with this?

Seriously I have come from the fence of a 'cheater' and I regret it with all of my being and existence. Your WH needs a wakeup call.

Ok he has called for a divorce, I don't think he understands the ramifications it is going to have. The effect of continued child support, the weekend dad, the effect on your children, the list goes on.

But the biggest thing to come from all this, is YOU.

Your letting this guy define your worth by going on with this girl and what not. I'm sorry to say but he needs to be kicked to the curb ... hard.

 

Any number on women who have gone through similar situations to you here, I'm sure would and will back me up on this.

 

Come on girls, dont make a liar out of me!

 

Why can't you take care of them (the kids) by yourself? Who says you have too?

Is it fear of being alone or failure on your part?

 

Yes you are in love with him. All that time you have been with him, does tend to show the emotional commitment you had. But the thing is, it needs 2 hearts in a relationship. If he has sailed already, why are you still waiting on the dock?

 

Mad and sad ... only 1 letter separates them.

Please be careful during this time, as you will sway between them and everything in between during this time.

What happens to those emotions and what you do after them show what you are truly made of.

I still cry and get angry at times. I have an understanding take steps not to let them control me. When I cry and get down, all I want to do is wallow and let life go on without me. I think now, thats its just a stage, its the toughest stage I will ever go through, but god, I can't wait to be happy again. And that I am with or without my STBXW.

 

I just want you to think of your own self-worth right now by how you are letting him get away with this.

He doesnt deserve to be in the same house, let alone share your bed with you.

This man is disrespecting you non-stop .. continually.

Only you can put a stop to this.

 

Hope to hear back from you.

There are people who do care here

[LucreziaBorgia]

You need to protect your children's best interests. Seperate and file for child support immediately. If she files for child support before you do, your children will get the short end of the stick.

[Trialbyfire]

Get some legal help ASAP. Your children deserve it.

[whichwayisup]

I agree, get out now. Your husband is scum and your kids deserve better. Get a lawyer.

 

You WILL have support from your friends and family. They are the ones who truely love and respect you and will stick by you during this rough time.

[lasan]

I agree with LB. Go file as quickly as possible. My state is first come first serve. It doesn't matter you were married, you had kids first...none of that....if she files first she is getting the biggest cut.

[GirlFromOz]

I thought my husbands mistress was pregant a about 2 months ago becuase he stopped sleeping with me. Well tonight I got my anwser this little bitch posted the ultrasound pictures online. I can't believe that he is that dumb to let her put something like this online when we are still man and wife. We still live in the same house share the same bed although lately we have'nt done the do.

 

He mentioned divorce yesterday, now I know why, he wanted to beat me to the punch before I found out about this baby. Now I'm stuck and I'm not sure what to do. We have three kids together and have been married for 10 years, the kids are 9,7 and 5. I can't take care of them by myself not to mention the fact that I love my husband with all of my heart and I don't want to lose him. However I'm not sure how I can look at him after this, it is because of him that I can't have anymore kids. And I really wanted to have another one. He driving her around in a car that is in my name and he not doing right by anyone not even himself.

 

I had been praying to god to save my marriage up until this point. I could use some advice. Please help I'm over the mad part now I'm just hurt.

 

 

Trouble22 - I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. I do know some of what you are going through. Two months after finding out that my husband had been having an affair since the birth of our second child, and shortly after we had decided to work on our marriage, the other woman called my husband to tell him that she was pregnant with his child. When he told me this, it was even more devastating than finding out about the affair and no words could ever do justice to how it made me feel. In fact, it was the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me. Thankfully for me, this turned out to be a lie & I have been able to move on.

 

Unfortunatly, for you it looks like you will have to deal with the existence of this child for the rest of your life, as a constant reminder of what your w*nker of a husband & this sl*t have done to you & your family. There is no doubt that it will take a long time for you to accept what has happened, and I hope that you have family & friends who can help you out, both emotionally & also to look after the children for you occasionally.

 

I couldn't tell from your post whether your husband knows that you know he is having an affair? Have you discussed it at all? Are you supposed to be "working on your marriage" at the moment?

 

Also, I know that you are saying that you love your husband very much & couldn't be without him, but I think that after a few months you will see that this is a kneejerk reaction. If he has already mentioned divorce to you then, sadly, I think that he has made his decision and does not want to be married to you anymore. I know that this is a hard thing to face & accept but I truly believe that within 5 years (and most probably a lot sooner than that) you will be happier than he & his mistress are. Sure, you will also hurt so much more initially and I believe that only time, and perhaps some counselling, can help you through this, but when you do come out the other side - and you will - you will be better, stronger & happier than you could ever imagine.

 

Try to take each minute as it comes. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, the hurt, the anger. Allow yourself to get it all out of your system. Try to focus on yourself & your children, rather than on your husband (although this is easier said, than done).

 

Also, it is very important to do the practical things that other posters have mentioned regarding filing for child support etc even if you don't feel like getting dressed. You will regret it later if you don't & I also think that doing the practical things can sometimes help you move on emotionally.

 

Again, I am so very sorry that your husband has done this to you. I will be thinking of you and hope that you will drop back with updates to let us all know how you are doing. If you ever feel you need to talk to someone or need some advice or just want to put your thoughts & feelings out there please come back to this forum as there are many, many people who would be all to willing to help you. Also, you may want to consider posting on the Infidelity forum on this site (NOT the OW/OM area) as a lot of people who have been betrayed by their spouses post there regularly and you may find more help & understanding there. Just a thought.

 

Wishing you & your children all the best.

[Antha]

Oh goodness, is really all I can say to start.

 

How long has this been going that you have been tolerating it?

You sound like you have known about this for sometime but yet you still let this man into your bed?

Where's your self-respect girl? Where's your self-worth?

You need right now more than anything to start taking care of yourself, cause your wayward husband is thinking nothing else but himself at thos stage.

I can't believe you are letting him get away with this?

Seriously I have come from the fence of a 'cheater' and I regret it with all of my being and existence. Your WH needs a wakeup call.

Ok he has called for a divorce, I don't think he understands the ramifications it is going to have. The effect of continued child support, the weekend dad, the effect on your children, the list goes on.

But the biggest thing to come from all this, is YOU.

Your letting this guy define your worth by going on with this girl and what not. I'm sorry to say but he needs to be kicked to the curb ... hard.

 

Any number on women who have gone through similar situations to you here, I'm sure would and will back me up on this.

 

Come on girls, dont make a liar out of me!

 

Why can't you take care of them (the kids) by yourself? Who says you have too?

Is it fear of being alone or failure on your part?

 

Yes you are in love with him. All that time you have been with him, does tend to show the emotional commitment you had. But the thing is, it needs 2 hearts in a relationship. If he has sailed already, why are you still waiting on the dock?

 

Mad and sad ... only 1 letter separates them.

Please be careful during this time, as you will sway between them and everything in between during this time.

What happens to those emotions and what you do after them show what you are truly made of.

I still cry and get angry at times. I have an understanding take steps not to let them control me. When I cry and get down, all I want to do is wallow and let life go on without me. I think now, thats its just a stage, its the toughest stage I will ever go through, but god, I can't wait to be happy again. And that I am with or without my STBXW.

 

I just want you to think of your own self-worth right now by how you are letting him get away with this.

He doesnt deserve to be in the same house, let alone share your bed with you.

This man is disrespecting you non-stop .. continually.

Only you can put a stop to this.

 

Hope to hear back from you.

There are people who do care here

 

I have bolded some of the key points from Dadof3's post that I echo STRONGLY. I am one of those woman that D03 speaks of. My H was able to treat me like garbage because I LET him do it. I didn't put my foot down; I just pouted and tried to make excuses for him. Unfortunately, this OW is always going to be in your life now because she shares a child with your H. She will always be competing for him, wanting more time with him and HER child. Can you really handle trying to win back your own husband? Can you handle being rejected by him, and loved by him "when he feels like it". A husband is a husband, not just some of the time, but all of the time.

 

The very fact that he didn't tell you outright why he was filing for divorce, but let you find out on your own says a lot about his character. I beg of you, divorce this man...and more importantly, STOP LETTING HIM TREAT YOU LIKE HIS OWN PERSONAL DOORMAT. You are better than that, and you KNOW IT.

 

As D03 said: "Only you can put a stop to this".