Guest Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Coping is all I can do.. Since me and my husband separated I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Its been 6 months now since he moved in with his mom and dad, he seems to be real happy, me on the other hand "I am miserable." You would think after 6 months the feelings of being abandon, the unwanted feelings of being alone would go away, but for me, I still struggle. This is my first christmas without my husband in 10 years. I spent it with my family, but I still felt alone. My husband on the other hand went on a road trip to see family in Texas and Georgia with his mother and his kids. When I heard about the trip all I wanted to do is cry, but I did not want him to see the tears. I just wished he would of considered my feelings, but when has he. I feel my 10 years of marriage was all alot of give from me. he seemed never to appreciate the things I did, at least not all the time. I am trying so hard to let him go, but how do I get him out my heart, my every thought. It is so hard, I can at least say I dont cry as much, but at the beginning of our separation I cried every day all the time. I hated that feeling, I felt like he had all the control of my emotionals and did not have any. How do you let go? what makes it hard is we both tell each other we love each other. we offten would go out to dinner, he might sometimes spend the night or I would spend the night with him. I tell him I just dont understand why we just can get back together, all he could say is that we have to take it slow. What broke up our marriage could be blamed on lots of thing, but the main thing was we grew apart. In the end we were more like roommates (I became his mom), then husband and wife. I tried real hard to be a good wife, his best friend, his everything, but no matter what I did or said it was never good enough. I find myself saying to him "all I ever wanted you to be is proud of me," I say this often but deep down I really dont know what this means to me. I know it sounds stupid but its true. I find myself realizing I am wasting my time trying to get back with my husband. I feel like I failed, "I hate that feeling." I failed at being someones better half, I wished it could be different. Today, I feel like I have to give up, even though I dont want to, I feel I have too. It hurts, it feels like the first day he left me 6 months ago. I feel very alone and almost afraid to be alone, what should I do. Is it wrong to hold on to a relationship that is doomed to fail no matter what happens, or is it wrong to love a man that might not love me in the same way.
notmakingsense Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 You should probably post your story in the divorce section, but what I can say is that first of all, you were with him for a very long time, so expect that it will take a long time to get over it. My second observation is that you are placing too much blame on yourself! It takes 2 people to create a successful relationship, and somehow it seems that you were taking on 100% of the burden of making things work. You deserve to be with someone who is dedicated to seeing you be happy as well, so perhaps you should look at this separation as a new-chance to find the person you were truly meant to be with.
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