gisele_b Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Hi...I am new posting here, but have been lurking for a bit. I decided to post b/c I see so many situations the same. I have been married for 22 years, together 28. My dh told me in May he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I never had a clue. We never fought, always did things together, etc. So now here we are 7 months later...he is still here. Originally he was going to leave next month, but I asked him to stay--under the premise of changing documents, etc. I do not want a divorce...I love my dh...we don't have kids...he said he will compromise and stay until March. I am just wondering what those of you who have gone thru this have done, and what the results or resolution of your choices were. I had the crying jags the other night when he started saying you'll be alright, and I asked him what his intentions were once he left...he did not want separation...he said he wants to "move on" with his life. Anything anyone could contribute would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Oblivion Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Have you suggested counseling? Is there another woman? What are his issues with you aside from not being in love? Obviously you cant make him change his mind, but you can let him know exactly how you feel and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make changes. Sometimes we get in a marital rut thats hard to see your way out of, leaving is often a depserate, but easy way out. I would have a serious heart to heart if you havent already.
WhisperingWillow Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 You can and will get through it. Sometimes it takes for the real deal to happen for them to see what a mistake they are making. The problem is that you asked him to say, IMHO I would have let him go. Why? Because he needs to be able to miss you. So many people I think mess up here by begging and negotiating with their partners to stay. If they stay then you're still around each other and hence have no missed feelings of companionship or anything else. I would also suggest the counseling bit. If that doesn't work then what you need to do is get up every morning and get yourself out of bed, start exercising, eating right, doing hobbies to keep busy and in your spare time either come here to vent or keep an online journal. Doesn't have to be public. That's what I did when I went through my divorce. However I'm the one that left and for good reasons. It's a hard road, but you can get through it. Crying is the first step and with that follow others, it does get better though and even if it does come to an end you'll look back one day and go "God what was I thinking". I hope this helps.
Author gisele_b Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 Thanks for your replies. No, there is no other woman...I know everyone will say yes there is, but I really don't think there is. I have suggested counseling, he said that is for people who want to reconcile, and he does not. We went over his dads the other night, and his dad asked what is going on...(he told him b/c he wants to move back home with him). So his dad, who is normally a very quiet, gentle man, really started asking him questions--pretty much the same ones I had asked. He gave him all the same answers. His parents were married for 50 years, so he was giving him some good examples. Whether it reached him or not, I do not know. I do exercise everyday...get up, go to work. Thank God I work with great, understanding people that I have known a long time. Because I have been useless at work since May! Right now he is all about getting everything ready for me before he leaves. He just got new tires on my car...last night put a new battery in it. He says he has no feelings, so why would he care if everything is all ready for me. I just don't understand the whole thing. Now he is saying ever since we got married, he has been thinking he shouldn't have gotten married...how could you possibly fake it for 22 years?! It just can't be possible...I don't know...I just thought I might gain some insight from other people's experience. Thanks again!
Oblivion Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Whispering is right I think. He needs the chance to miss you, to see whats its like without you. Give him that chance. It may be the best thing you ever do, even if he doesnt come back it still may be the best thing. Either way, neither of you are happy like this, get some space, go on with life, things will become clearer.
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