corny1 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I would like to get everybody's opinion as to my situation. I will give you a brief fill in on what happened. Me and my ex dated for about 6 months. We did everything together. We were together 24/7 the last three months of our relationship. We had a great relationship, never argued, etc... Here is what caused our break up. I own my own business; I am a chiropractor. My business requires alot of attention and if I get even a little lazy my numbers do drop. Well the last couple of months that we were together the business seemed to be taking off on it's own momentum and so I backed off from doing marketing of new patients. Things were really going well and then just as I had suspected and it was my own fault, many of my clients stopped coming in becasue of money or their care plan was done. At any rate I blame myself for getting lazy and allowing it to get to that point. Anyway the bottom line is that she left me one night and I havent heard from her since. Not a word. She left me becasue I asked her to borrow me $200.00. Just enough to get me through until I could get my business up and hopping again. Since she has left I did exactly what I said I would. I increased my business by a thousand percent in two weeks. I know that she did not believe me when I said that I would work my ass off and never take the business for granted again. I wrote her a letter telling her this and she never responded. Which is what I expected so it was no big surprise. I am going to continue to work hard and build my practice to all time highs. My question to you is this. Once I really get things back to where they should be at my office should I contact her and let her know that things are kicking butt, or should I say screw her she didnt have enough faith to stick with me the first time? I really like this girl and I know that it must have scared her to see my business take a dip like that, but is that any reason to just walk out on someone. And would you attempt a chance at reconciling this relationship or would you just move on? Curious as to what others would do...
Quinch Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Let her go. Running a business by yourself involves hard work and sacrifice. Anyone who loves you will understand that and show you more patience. I'm not saying she should have lent you the 200 but she should have had more faith in you.
ninga317 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 i suspect that there were more things than that going on (on her end). maybe that was just the final straw. sounds like she had reservations about the relationship that she wasn't telling you about, and when your business went downhill she felt like that was the perfect excuse to let you go, without having to do alot of explaining on her part. this is just a stab in the dark (trying to look at it from all angles without really having alot of info to work with). if this is the case, i think it was cowardly and disrespectful of her not to at least be upfront with you. just my thougts.
JaneInVegas Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 If I'm reading between the lines correctly, you've never really discussed the exact reason why you split up. Maybe the money has nothing to do with it. I find it hard to believe she would drop you over $200. Okay, so you tried the letter and didn't get an answer. Call her. If she won't pick up, go to her place. Maybe you're going to hear something that will hurt, but at least you will KNOW and not have to wonder anymore. If she did indeed drop you for $200, I have to agree with the other poster, the relationship doesn't seem worth trying to balance out with your business. Good luck to you!
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I suspect there was more going on from her end than the $200 loan. Did you see any signs that may indicate her wanting to break up before that? I too run my own business and the stress cost me my relationship. My ex broke up with me at the end of August. I met my ex at the same time I bought a boutique- so we were together during my first year of struggling to build the business. What a stressful time for me that was- and he saw me go through some hard times, and those hard times sometimes made me moody and riddled with anxiety. I did a whole lot for this guy. He had no car for the first 7 months of our relationship and I drove him EVERYWHERE. I did a lot of generous things for him. But in the last two months of our relationship I was super stressed, and he walked away from me... broke up with me over the phone and told me he couldn't handle my stress. He hasn't talked to me since. So, I understand what you are going through. SOmething I have learned is that him walking away from me during one of the worst times in my life shows me his true character. What if something really bad happened? What if I had gotten pregnant, or lost a loved one, or even developed a health problem.... It made me realize that he wasn't someone I could count on. geez, we were looking at buying a house together and talking about having kids one day- and the next he was dumping me. Not a dependable guy! Your ex sounds a lot like this. My advice to you is to be thankful you know what she is capable of sooner rather than later. Don't get me wrong- I'm not perfect. But neither was my ex, and I still loved him warts and all. He couldn't do the same for me. I know that now, and I know I'm better off without someone incapable of supporting me through difficult times. D
T-Lady Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 D-Lish - I want to thank you again for your great contributions. I seriously think we dated the same guy. For some stupid reason I started missing mine & you made me realize that I should not miss a jerk! Thank you. Corny1 - I understand your pain. I did not want to tell my ex about my temporary financial setback, but he dragged it out of me because "he cared." After given me a loan, he decided that he no longer had feelings for me. We do not need people like this in our lives. Life is filled with too many ups and downs and we need people who will support us during the good, bad and the ugly. Good luck to you!
gfto Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 We were together 24/7 the last three months of our relationship. There's the problem. You smothered her. She lost interest. It had nothing to do with your business. Forget her and move on.
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 D-Lish - I want to thank you again for your great contributions. I seriously think we dated the same guy. For some stupid reason I started missing mine & you made me realize that I should not miss a jerk! Thank you. Well, I still miss mine- but I also realize he was a very bad apple! My ex and I had just gotten back from a week's vacation when he dumped me. He told me when he broke up with me that he hadn't loved me for a couple months, but had taken the trip with me anyway, despite the fact that he said I made him miserable. Then he had the audacity to ask me for my portion of the trip after he dumped me. Oh yeah, and the trip had been his idea in the first place. Don't get me wrong- I would have paid him anyway... but the fact that he asked for the money after admitting he hadn't loved me when he planned and took the trip with me really pissed me off. I realize that I still love the jerk- but I also realize that I'm better off without him and that I deserve so much better! I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with my head. I met my ex on an online dating site. When I first read his profile and saw his picture, I created this fantasy around him as a perfect guy for me. By the time I met him, I had already convinced myself I was going to make it work. Okay, so I met him, and he didn't look a whole lot like his picture- and there were red flags I continuously ignored... But I remained in love with this fantasy, the guy I had idealized in my head. When I think of him, I am always led back to that picture and profile... the attractive smiling guy with a big heart and gentlr demeanour. I held onto that picture throughout our relationship and used it as an excuse to keep the relationship going...even though he was nothing like the guy from that profile. Does that make sense? Now that contrived profile keeps me hanging on to the pain. Stupid, I know. I'm trying to replace that false image with the truth. i do so by remembering his crappy qualities and inadequacies. His faults that made us incompatibe. Everyday gets a little easier. I made it through x-mas, and now only have new years to contend with. I hope everyone is doing okay... the holidays are tough! D
whispervale Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I met my ex on an online dating site. When I first read his profile and saw his picture, I created this fantasy around him as a perfect guy for me. D-Lish - I too am using online dating as a way to meet new women. I think it's true that the whole online thing makes it easy to create a false sense of intimacy. You just have to combat it by being twice as objective as you normally would be (not easy, I know!). It helps to always remind yourself when you're messaging the other person (however that happens) that he or she -is- a real person, with all of the follies and foibles that lie therein. To be fair, I met my ex one of the old-fashioned ways, and even after eight years, I guess it's fair to say that people can still surprise you...
Author corny1 Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 I suspect there was more going on from her end than the $200 loan. Did you see any signs that may indicate her wanting to break up before that? I too run my own business and the stress cost me my relationship. My ex broke up with me at the end of August. I met my ex at the same time I bought a boutique- so we were together during my first year of struggling to build the business. What a stressful time for me that was- and he saw me go through some hard times, and those hard times sometimes made me moody and riddled with anxiety. I did a whole lot for this guy. He had no car for the first 7 months of our relationship and I drove him EVERYWHERE. I did a lot of generous things for him. But in the last two months of our relationship I was super stressed, and he walked away from me... broke up with me over the phone and told me he couldn't handle my stress. He hasn't talked to me since. So, I understand what you are going through. SOmething I have learned is that him walking away from me during one of the worst times in my life shows me his true character. What if something really bad happened? What if I had gotten pregnant, or lost a loved one, or even developed a health problem.... It made me realize that he wasn't someone I could count on. geez, we were looking at buying a house together and talking about having kids one day- and the next he was dumping me. Not a dependable guy! Your ex sounds a lot like this. My advice to you is to be thankful you know what she is capable of sooner rather than later. Don't get me wrong- I'm not perfect. But neither was my ex, and I still loved him warts and all. He couldn't do the same for me. I know that now, and I know I'm better off without someone incapable of supporting me through difficult times. D She lived with me at my house for three months. 24/7. Which is the way that I wanted it, but i feel that for her to contribute $200 to the cause is not much. She did pay for other things, but I feel that I was paying a a $1000 mortgage and utilities as well as the business expenses, and it wasnt too much to expect. She makes $30 an hour. She was a bit of the jealous type, and the night that we broke up one of her freinds was so drunk that she was puking in the restroom at the restaurtant that we were at. She had just broke up with her boyfriend. I told me gf that break ups are tough and sometimes drinking helps to ease the pain. Trying to make her feel better about her friend. She got really pissed and she ended up leaving that morning at 3 am. Havent heard a word from her since. Nothing. This girl was into me way more that I was into her. Anyway Youre right if they wont be there for you through the hard times then what it the point? Thanks for you help.
fooled Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with my head. I met my ex on an online dating site. When I first read his profile and saw his picture, I created this fantasy around him as a perfect guy for me. By the time I met him, I had already convinced myself I was going to make it work. Okay, so I met him, and he didn't look a whole lot like his picture- and there were red flags I continuously ignored... But I remained in love with this fantasy, the guy I had idealized in my head. When I think of him, I am always led back to that picture and profile... the attractive smiling guy with a big heart and gentlr demeanour. I held onto that picture throughout our relationship and used it as an excuse to keep the relationship going...even though he was nothing like the guy from that profile. Does that make sense? Now that contrived profile keeps me hanging on to the pain. D At least you realize this, D-Lish! It's very healthy that you have this awareness. And certainly it makes sense.
uksteve Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 She lived with me at my house for three months. 24/7. Which is the way that I wanted it, but i feel that for her to contribute $200 to the cause is not much. She did pay for other things, but I feel that I was paying a a $1000 mortgage and utilities as well as the business expenses, and it wasnt too much to expect. She makes $30 an hour. She was a bit of the jealous type, and the night that we broke up one of her freinds was so drunk that she was puking in the restroom at the restaurtant that we were at. She had just broke up with her boyfriend. I told me gf that break ups are tough and sometimes drinking helps to ease the pain. Trying to make her feel better about her friend. She got really pissed and she ended up leaving that morning at 3 am. Havent heard a word from her since. Nothing. This girl was into me way more that I was into her. Anyway Youre right if they wont be there for you through the hard times then what it the point? Thanks for you help. Sometimes the pull of the single friend can strain relationships - I've seen this a few times. It sounds like you're better off without her - you were contributing a lot and $200 is nothing if it's the first time you asked and you have a reliable business! I also run my own business and there is always unpredictability - especially in property! I would not worry about loaning a partner a couple of hundred - as long as it wasnt regular and I seen what they were capable of. She sounds like possible trouble and maybe you are well shot of her!
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