He so lied to me!

[Meaplus3]

For those of you who know that I have been in NC with MM since Dec 12th. The last conversation we had he told me his wife know's he told her. DID NOT! How do I know this? Because I was forced into a situation on C Eve where MM, Wife and kid's would be there. He did not speak to me once nor even look at me. However W embraced me and was so chatty, talked with me half the night! Now, if this woman new that I had the hot's for her H, I highly doubt she would have acted so friendly. My H on the other hand does know and he did not SPEAK a word to MM.

 

Now this is interesting!! I think MM is very jealous of my H. H was talking about his career, he work's for a great company and has a very high powered job. I noticed when H was talking that MM came closer to where I was sitting and started building himself up in a convrsation he was having with someone else Why in the F**** would he even do that? Why would he care? He want's W not me??

 

AP

[bonehead]

Now this is interesting!! I think MM is very jealous of my H. H was talking about his career, he work's for a great company and has a very high powered job. I noticed when H was talking that MM came closer to where I was sitting and started building himself up in a convrsation he was having with someone else Why in the F**** would he even do that? Why would he care? He want's W not me??

 

Because he wants you to want him

[Meaplus3]

Because he wants you to want him

 

But he knew that I did want him and now he want's NC? He is just twisted or what. I don't understand this man at all.

[puddleofmud]

It's just silly territorial "man stuff". High School quarterbacks seem to never grow up:rolleyes:

You husband seemed to have managed beautifully which is a compliment to your choice in men!!!

[Meaplus3]

It's just silly territorial "man stuff". High School quarterbacks seem to never grow up:rolleyes:

You husband seemed to have managed beautifully which is a compliment to your choice in men!!!

 

Thank's puddle. I am very proud of the way my H carried himself. The evening was enjoyable when it could have been a real disaster. Glad it's over.

 

AP

[IfWishesWereHorses]

It had to be very difficult for him, would love to know how he got through it. Did you tell him you were proud?

[movinon05]

My exMM lied to me too about what the W knew. I can't explain why they do that.

 

And I think your H is just awesome the way he is handling himself in this whole thing. I can't imagine most Hs would be that way.

[Meaplus3]

My exMM lied to me too about what the W knew. I can't explain why they do that.

 

And I think your H is just awesome the way he is handling himself in this whole thing. I can't imagine most Hs would be that way.

 

I agree that my H is hadling this pretty well. He is very hurt and let's me know it in his own little way from time to time. I am not 100 % sure that my marriage will survive this, but I plan to try. I just want to be happy and right now I am pretty miserable. I miss a man that I had never planned on having feeling's for and one that I can never have. By the way he pumped himself up infront of me at the party, it makes me think he is not over our A yet Either. I wanted do badly to talk with him but new it was not the right thing to do.

 

AP

[whichwayisup]

AP, it's time to put the MM out of your head for good now. You've seen him in action, you know he hasn't told his wife, he did that to scare you or play a game. Your husband wants to work on things with you, so focus on that and forget what the MM thinks, does, the why's-how's etc of it all.

 

WHY do you want to even talk to the guy? You know he's an idiot! Just because you two have sexual chemistry doesn't mean he's worth ruining yourself and your marriage over. And if he's not over the affair, so what? That's his problem, not yours.

[pureinheart]

My exMM lied to me too about what the W knew. I can't explain why they do that.

 

Drama possibly, to get you to feel sorry for them...to make you think "it's finally on"....to just play mind games which is what they do best...

 

Wow answerplease I remember the post asking what to do....so glad all went well!

[forbidden fruit]

Answer please since we are in similar situations it is weird how I can see exactly what this guy is doing to you, but I cannot see what my MM is doing. He already stated from your earlier post he does not want aEA or a friendship.

What a ass*** . Ditch him like a bad habit. I am at the end of my rope with mine and if weren't that we lived so close NC would have been on day 300 by now. Mine told me he scoped me out from day one. They know we are vunerable because we are having problems with our marriage. They are the biggest predators and don't even deserve the courteous neighborly wave Let their wives have them for the rest of their miserable life. Unfortunately you will not be the last woman he does this to and neither will I. We will have to watch it unfold because we live so close, but hopefully when that happens we both will feel nothing for these losers!!!!!

[Guest]

to me i don't know how someone could hide this fact - let say u were with someone 24/7 for 4 years, and they had a daughter - and then 3 years after the break up she tells you she actually had 2 children so somehow during your whole time together - she not only never mentioned that but u saw no sign of it either - would u say

 

this guy is beyond stupid or she is very good at lying?

 

and why would someone ly about that or anything else really when they are with someone that loves them?

[Guest]

i was reading an article in the new york times about this woman, named annie who decided that her life had becoming boring and decided to take an adventure. so, she quit her job at the chocolate factory and convince a young stallion, named mirell, to go with her and seceretly have an affair and takes risks that only lovers do when overwhelmed with lust. but, after two months of travelling, while mirell lay sleeping and exhausted from her endless sexual appetite, annie seduced an older man, named francis in the lobby of their paris hotel and they left for new york, where on the plane they had sex and she became preganant and they fell deeply in love and wrote best selling screenplays, such, 'What Didn't Happen', 'He Smells Toxic To Me', and 'It's Never Over Until You Die'

 

and the end of the article, has started a series of women doing copy cat events and it is now a serious concern as the amount of single men is worrying the gay community

[whichwayisup]

Answer please since we are in similar situations it is weird how I can see exactly what this guy is doing to you, but I cannot see what my MM is doing.

 

It's always easier to give advice to others and see things from an objective point of view, but when you're actually in the situation and dealing with the emotions it's alot harder to see what others see.

[Meaplus3]

AP, it's time to put the MM out of your head for good now. You've seen him in action, you know he hasn't told his wife, he did that to scare you or play a game. Your husband wants to work on things with you, so focus on that and forget what the MM thinks, does, the why's-how's etc of it all.

 

WHY do you want to even talk to the guy? You know he's an idiot! Just because you two have sexual chemistry doesn't mean he's worth ruining yourself and your marriage over. And if he's not over the affair, so what? That's his problem, not yours.

 

Whichway, I think to a certain point I have come along way with my thoughts regarding MM. Our last real contact was only two weeks ago, so it's still all very fresh. Not seeing him and looking him in the eyes, talking like we used to has helped, however thought's of the passion I felt still creep into my mind and that's where I get myself in trouble. I know deep down this man's not worth it. I think the hardest part here is that since I have had so much conflict in my marriage I have a hard time not having MM as a crutch to fall back on, for that's what he really was to me for the past year. An Emotional Crutch.

 

AP

[Meaplus3]

Answer please since we are in similar situations it is weird how I can see exactly what this guy is doing to you, but I cannot see what my MM is doing. He already stated from your earlier post he does not want aEA or a friendship.

What a ass*** . Ditch him like a bad habit. I am at the end of my rope with mine and if weren't that we lived so close NC would have been on day 300 by now. Mine told me he scoped me out from day one. They know we are vunerable because we are having problems with our marriage. They are the biggest predators and don't even deserve the courteous neighborly wave Let their wives have them for the rest of their miserable life. Unfortunately you will not be the last woman he does this to and neither will I. We will have to watch it unfold because we live so close, but hopefully when that happens we both will feel nothing for these losers!!!!!

 

Forbidden, It is hard to see your own situation and much easier to see another's. I think for both of us the fact that we live so close to MM is a tough spot to be in. What's the longest NC you have had? I once went aboout 8 weeks, but that was only because it was not officaaly over, he wanted to take a break and see where feeling's were in a couple of month's. We did that, then started contact and the whole thing was back on. Atleast now he is the one that has said complete NC and to me that means for good! The for good part is tough, but the only way to end this crazy mess.

 

AP

[WhisperingWillow]

It's great to see your Husband acting in a calm and mature manner, however while MM are involved in affair it is common for them to say they told the wife when things are coming to a end. They lie a lot. I'm not saying all Married Men lie, I'm saying that the majority do while in affairs, but hey so do the MW. It doesn't make you any better than him. However the fact that you did in fact tell your husband does make you a lot better than your MM.

 

I think you really need to start trying to get him out of your head and out of your life. Easier said than done I'm sure. I had a friend that was involved in affair with the MM and it was a disaster. Two years later now and she still thinks about him even though they've not spoken to each other in over a year. These things are messes and not worth it in the end.

[whichwayisup]

Whichway, I think to a certain point I have come along way with my thoughts regarding MM. Our last real contact was only two weeks ago, so it's still all very fresh. Not seeing him and looking him in the eyes, talking like we used to has helped, however thought's of the passion I felt still creep into my mind and that's where I get myself in trouble. I know deep down this man's not worth it. I think the hardest part here is that since I have had so much conflict in my marriage I have a hard time not having MM as a crutch to fall back on, for that's what he really was to me for the past year. An Emotional Crutch.

 

AP

 

I understand and that's why it's important for you now to get out of the habit of letting yourself fantasize about him. It's not serving you any good and when you do that it just keeps the feelings alive...And it IS based on fantasy because in fantasy land the other person is PERFECT and fulfills all your needs in everyway...But the reality is, the MM is not who you've built him up to be in your head.

 

You've done alot of hardwork to get this far, so just keep on going and focus on other important things in your life. Find a new hobby or get intouch with girl friends to fill in that need he gave you. I know it won't be the same but it's healthier for you and your marriage.

[Meaplus3]

I understand and that's why it's important for you now to get out of the habit of letting yourself fantasize about him. It's not serving you any good and when you do that it just keeps the feelings alive...And it IS based on fantasy because in fantasy land the other person is PERFECT and fulfills all your needs in everyway...But the reality is, the MM is not who you've built him up to be in your head.

 

You've done alot of hardwork to get this far, so just keep on going and focus on other important things in your life. Find a new hobby or get intouch with girl friends to fill in that need he gave you. I know it won't be the same but it's healthier for you and your marriage.

 

I agree that not fantasizing about him is the best way to recover from this. That is my struggle right now. Since I am not happy with my H and really not sure how to be anymore, MM's like a mental escape and I know I need to SHUT that out completely. I will have to keep working real hard on this one. Luckily I am pretty busy with my children and other hobbies I have so I hope they can distract me enough to replace the thought's of MM with other more important thing's.

 

AP

[herenow]

Is it possible that the W is being nice to you to say that she is not blaming you? I know that would be hard for me, but is it possible?

 

Maybe she puts the blame on her H. Or, maybe she just doesn't care. Or maybe she is having her own affair and was relived when she found out about you. Who knows, she may want to be rid of him herself. Just some thoughts.

 

I hope things work out for you in any case.

[Meaplus3]

Is it possible that the W is being nice to you to say that she is not blaming you? I know that would be hard for me, but is it possible?

 

Maybe she puts the blame on her H. Or, maybe she just doesn't care. Or maybe she is having her own affair and was relived when she found out about you. Who knows, she may want to be rid of him herself. Just some thoughts.

 

I hope things work out for you in any case.

 

Herenow, I thought about the fact that she may know and she's not blaming me. I have very strong feeling's as well as my thearapist that MM has done this to her before. I did ask MM what he told her and he said " All I told her was I think BLANK Meaning me has some inappropriate feeling's for me. GEE, now that would make him look good and NOT me. She was talking about use excercising together and all. Guess she's unhappy because she has gained some weight. Problem is I don't really wish to be her friend. I only chatted with her the night of the party to make it not so obvious that somthing was very wrong, she wouldn't even let me get away, she was talking up a storm.

 

AP

[frannie]

I did ask MM what he told her and he said " All I told her was I think BLANK Meaning me has some inappropriate feeling's for me. GEE, now that would make him look good and NOT me.

 

Well that is what I was thinking... he didn't really say he told her anything about HIM... just that YOU were having inappropriate feelings for him. Again, talking himself up... and in the bargain making you look bad. Maybe she thought she had one up on you..?

[Meaplus3]

Well that is what I was thinking... he didn't really say he told her anything about HIM... just that YOU were having inappropriate feelings for him. Again, talking himself up... and in the bargain making you look bad. Maybe she thought she had one up on you..?

 

Bingo if that's the case! And do I want her to think that NO!!

 

AP

[forbidden fruit]

Forbidden, It is hard to see your own situation and much easier to see another's. I think for both of us the fact that we live so close to MM is a tough spot to be in. What's the longest NC you have had? I once went aboout 8 weeks, but that was only because it was not officaaly over, he wanted to take a break and see where feeling's were in a couple of month's. We did that, then started contact and the whole thing was back on. Atleast now he is the one that has said complete NC and to me that means for good! The for good part is tough, but the only way to end this crazy mess.

 

AP[/quote

]IToday is so hard for me. The longest we have ever gone NC is five days and that was broken by him. I want to be with him so badly. It is like a drug. While the same ol goes on in my house I know how much we have together and how much he makes me laugh. I have not started NC but with the holidays my H is home so we cannot see each other as friends. I am so unsure of what to do . I really miss being with him (answer) you are so lucky you did not sleep with him. It does make it alot harder. I know him in the most intimate way. I am torn between continuing the affair and completely going NC and never looking his way again. It is truly difficult because we are right in the middle. Sometimes I ask myself does he love me or the idea of me and do I love him or the idea of him. However if I didn't love him then why can't I stop thinking about him and worrying?

[peacelove]

Can't you just be with him? What is harder- being with him or without?