To all BW/BH...

[Trialbyfire]

So because you have power at work over people you do in your personal life?

Nope. I have power in my work and personal power in my life. I have power in how I choose to address this situation. I could have bowed to personal temptation but chose not to because of the child. I do wonder what that child will grow up to become, being raised by someone who obviously has no core values and continues to bow to temptation, whereever it takes her.

[bonehead]

With the fact it sounds like she makes a habit of this, and if her being beat by her husband was a concern I would have to agree with you there

[Trialbyfire]

No doubt she's serial. Being unhappy and abused in your life doesn't make it right to destroy others in the process. It's time to leave a marriage of that nature and find your own happiness in a positive manner. This type of action would be best for your child.

[bonehead]

No doubt she's serial. Being unhappy and abused in your life doesn't make it right to destroy others in the process. It's time to leave a marriage of that nature and find your own happiness in a positive manner. This type of action would be best for your child.

 

 

Its what I did

[Trialbyfire]

Its what I did

As I've expressed many times on this board, I have no issues with people making honest relationships. I only have issues with the lying and the cheating that goes hand-in-hand with affairs. That people stay in relationships of this nature help to perpetuate the problem. Make it real, blow it wide open, make it honest.

[pureinheart]

Nope. I have power in my work and personal power in my life. I have power in how I choose to address this situation. I could have bowed to personal temptation but chose not to because of the child. I do wonder what that child will grow up to become, being raised by someone who obviously has no core values and continues to bow to temptation, whereever it takes her.

 

Man TBF, what a horrible situation....to see children poorly taken care of....it breaks my heart. I wasn't the greatest parent, although as I learned, taught my kids as well....they know how to say it right and respect others.

 

I remember some of your previous posts concerning the triangle....you certainly did go through a lot, the OW in your situation was a nut case....man and she's taking that poor baby through all of her crap....you did the right thing though, God takes care of the little ones.

[Trialbyfire]

Man TBF, what a horrible situation....to see children poorly taken care of....it breaks my heart. I wasn't the greatest parent, although as I learned, taught my kids as well....they know how to say it right and respect others.

 

I remember some of your previous posts concerning the triangle....you certainly did go through a lot, the OW in your situation was a nut case....man and she's taking that poor baby through all of her crap....you did the right thing though, God takes care of the little ones.

Thanks pureheart. It appeared he did, in my situation.

[pureinheart]

Hey TBF,

 

Even though our situations were opposite, there was the same goal. When you discover people are REALLY crazy, RUN....remove yourself promptly.

 

The arrogance of ex-MM, W and kids was unreal....the questions posed to me by the kids, which I might add are all in their 20's (I know most of the questions came from W), were the writings of a kid in puberty.

 

I could have made them feel extremely bad, and cut them down to size real quick by my "answers"....but what would it have really accomplished...I too TBF wanted so bad to hurt them back...but my goal was to get as far away from all of them as possible.

 

After receiving this disgusting email at my job (the pc's are monitored) I went to my manager and told him the whole story. Ex-MM is now mud with this very large company, there are only 4 in this area for our type of work. It's interesting how the companies talk to each other....

 

Ex-MM doesn't have a clue as to what his little darlings actually did to him, the goal was me, but it back fired. People like this seem to always hang themselves because their entire existance is based on a lie...it's one thing to tell a lie or to be in a lie for a time, but quite another to be so unstable that nothing is ever the truth.

[Trialbyfire]

Taking it to job or over-the-line personal isn't acceptable by any means. It's tempting but unacceptable. When people cross the line of common decency, they put themselves at risk to become just like the others.

 

Now making it honest, you know I believe in that. Sometimes the BW/BM will learn a few things about himself or herself as well. Better believe that the MM/MW will...

[frannie]

Yup. I call it as I see it. He's married, you're having an affair. No matter how you justify it, that's where you stand. He may love you but really, what do you have?

 

You may call it as you see it, but all you seem to be doing is moving the goalposts around so that whatever I post you come up with some other angle to view things from, and some other generalised comment (and insinuation) to make about a situation you only know the bare bones of. Rather than simply reply to your last post, I wanted to recap on our exchange, just so my position is clear. I don't think there's much to be gained by batting comments back and forward.

 

You first commented that I was so desperate for him that I had convinced myself that he was telling the truth. My previous posts support my response to you: I don't know whether or not he's telling the truth, but as I'm in a relationship with him I choose to take him at his word until I'm proven mistaken. But rather than accept that or comment on my point of view, you accused me of 'settling' for a man who is legally and emotionally invested elsewhere. I responded that his legal attachment has to change, and I am pretty sure that he's not emotionally tied to his wife any longer. You then brushed that aside and called our relationship 'a lie' and asked why I stay. I replied that it is a good relationship and has a great chance of working out, and reiterated that I don't worry that he's lying to me. I asked you why you think our relationship is 'a lie' and you respond: 'he's married', and later that I must have 'sunk low' because apparently I 'don't believe in the institution of marriage'.

 

I'm not sure what most of that has to do with the question of lies; it looks more like a series of prods at me for being in a relationship with a MM. Well, you don't like that situation and neither do I, so at least that's something we can agree on. I don't consider an affair 'a lie' per se. The person we can be sure is being lied to is his W: whether or not MM is lying to me is something I don't yet know. As I said earlier: if it turns out he's lied to me, he is toast.

 

On to this post of yours: I haven't, at any point, attempted to justify anything. Please feel free to peruse all my past posts on this board if you're uncertain about how I feel on this subject.

 

"He may love you but really, what do you have?"

 

I've already covered that, I think. Whether or not 'he loves me' really isn't the point. For me, the bottom line is a good relationship: one with communication, honesty, mutual support, ease of being with someone, common interests and passions, kindness, etc. I have all of that and more with this man. Being 'in love' is certainly nice, but it doesn't replace the basics. I'd certainly not want to exchange what I have for the ring, the 'legal aspects' or anything else you are focusing on.

[Trialbyfire]

Then you settle for part of the man and continue to perpetuate a lie.

[frannie]

Then you settle for part of the man and continue to perpetuate a lie.

 

lol. Thanks for the considered response. (I assume this is to me). I think I've said all I want to say in my previous post, so I'll leave you to your verbal tennis match.

[Trialbyfire]

lol. Thanks for the considered response. (I assume this is to me). I think I've said all I want to say in my previous post, so I'll leave you to your verbal tennis match.

Game-set-match...

[elmejor]

How can you want someone so badly, knowing they are committed elsewhere?

 

You're kidding, right? A man who is "committed" to his marriage does not have affairs...your thread here just proves my point that you have an anger problem which needs to be addressed with a qualified professional...you also seem to have delusions that you have the "power" to do a higher being's work! Neat little world you've built for yourself, but it has no basis in reality.

[Trialbyfire]

You're kidding, right? A man who is "committed" to his marriage does not have affairs...your thread here just proves my point that you have an anger problem which needs to be addressed with a qualified professional...you also seem to have delusions that you have the "power" to do a higher being's work! Neat little world you've built for yourself, but it has no basis in reality.

I knew you wouldn't disappoint me and not show up. Welcome back toy OW. I can do whatever I want to you because you always personally attack first. You remind me of another member. Perhaps I should mention this to a mod and have them check IP addresses. Either you're one and the same or you're being whistled for... Do you enjoy dancing to someone else's tune?

 

Methinks you need to reread the whole thread to understand my perspectives and what I'm trying to communicate. If you're still having difficulty following the gist of the thread, I'm certain I can type a little slower just for you. If that doesn't help, I can't make you grasp the English language but would highly recommend remedial reading courses.

[elmejor]

ooh, "the mods checking IP addresses" how scary for me that you are using your "power" to threaten me! HA!

 

Read your own words again, then address the statements I made in my last post, rather than resorting to threats and insults. People like you come and go all the time on forums like this. You want to blow off steam, then you insult anyone who dares to take issue with anything you say. And when responding, as in above, you never address the issue at hand. Rather, you just attack, attack, attack... It is very sad for you that you've experienced such awful heartbreak in your personal life. But Honey, it ain't my fault, nor anyone else on this forum. Nice try, though to try to get a rise out of me. Find another "victim" to play with. I don't play.

 

Have a beautiful day!

[Trialbyfire]

Since you always personally attack first, pot..kettle..black, lmao.

 

Run away little toy, run away...

[pureinheart]

The whole point to this thread is to bring all parties together creating closure for all.

 

For me, am exploring the issues as to how I got in it in the first place. Why did I dismiss the fact that ex-MM and family have such deep-rooted hard core issues that cause disfunction on such a high level?

 

I didn't "see" him as M, because he "acted" single....I was dealing with a well versed serial cheater. I know during this whole time I was under an illusion, and spent most of the time trying to get out.

 

I wish we could have all sat down like adults....with healing being the reason....so I am seeking my own closure and got the chance to come clean in the area that matters most....myself and job.

 

I don't have to fear my job being in jeapordy anymore. I wish I could have gotten the truth from W, but none of them know what that is...so I just have to understand that ex-MM is a liar.

[Meredith63]

I guess I never understood about this "closure" thing, if that is actually the intent of all three parties getting together. Either the affair is over, or it is not.. if it is over, there is closure.... I am really not sure the truth truly "sets you free", but in many cases just causes more pain.

 

Many years ago, I was a BS, the details of the A, speaking to the OW did not interest me... it was between my then-husband and I. He cheated, I divorced him, I had my closure. What I did not need was to hear details about who did what to whom... I can't even think of how that would have helped...

 

A couple of years later, I was the OW. I met my MM, we fell in love, he divorced and we married. "My BW" did not know she was a BW, as there was really no need for her to know.

 

I did not need closure as an OW, I know that having an A with a MM was wrong. I am certainly not proud of it. Many years later, I still adore my Husband. I regret the way that we began, but certainly do not regret having the good fortune to call myself his wife. As an OW, who would I really be trying to kid with closure anyway? Affairs are selfish. While I did feel bad for his BW, I obviously did not feel bad enough to put her needs first and end my A with her H. To have had any type of a "sit down", IMHO would have been kind of silly.

 

Just my humble thoughts....

[Freedom Now]

I don't see it as closure, necessarily. I see it as revealing the truth.

 

Since I am far removed from the affair now, if she honestly and truly wanted the truth, and ASKED for it, I would tell her.

 

Some of these MM will continually lie and drive their wives to distraction because their guts are telling them one thing and their husbands are telling them something else.

 

I would have no problem sitting with her and answering her questions. The problem is:

 

he would.

[Meredith63]

I guess I just liken this truth to when someone asks you how you like their new, ridiculously expensive, (insert object) that you think is just as ugly as sin. The truth is not always appropriate, or, in some cases, even appreciated.

 

Again, JMHO

[Freedom Now]

That is why I interjected, if she ASKED for the truth. And I am gonna cause a ruckus with what I am going to say, but what about sisterhood? What happened to having some type of comradery as women? If she wants honesty wants the truth in order to navigate in her world, what is wrong with giving it to her, kindly and without malice?

 

I certainly am not gonna blow her world up now. She doesn't want to know details. And that is fine. But if she did, as a fellow woman, I would tell her.

 

The difference is: your man's wife never knew about you.

 

Mine did. That is a whole different ball of wax.

 

JMHO.

[Meredith63]

No, my H's XW did figure it out. But, that's not really the point.

 

I really can't claim "sisterhood" because if I felt any sort of "sisterhood bond" I certainly would not have been sleeping with her H, would I? In my case anyway, not projecting my own situation onto anyone else, I think it would have been hypocritical to talk about sisterhood.....

[Freedom Now]

See, I didn't know he was married. That is the difference.

[Meredith63]

Got it... yes, that certainly IS different.