Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 No the end result is not the same...you can choose to be bitter about experiences or you can choose to learn from them and move on... Or you can pretend to take the high road and live with it forever because you suppressed it and became a victim for life... Better to deal with it upfront than allow the backlash years later to knock you flat. If you look at victims in general (mental or physical abused children, rape victims, etc.), if they don't/are unable to empower themselves quickly, they will find that it comes back to haunt in later years. Deal with it in the place it belongs, in the present. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Or you can pretend to take the high road and live with it forever because you suppressed it and became a victim for life... Better to deal with it upfront than allow the backlash years later to knock you flat. If you look at victims in general (mental or physical abused children, rape victims, etc.), if they don't/are unable to empower themselves quickly, they will find that it comes back to haunt in later years. Deal with it in the place it belongs, in the present. People deal with things differently...not everyone deals with things in an "in your face" way...it's all individualized...just because someone deals with emotions differently than you, doesn't mean they're pretending... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Raw emotion isn't rational but very therapeutic. The other perspective will sink in when thoughts are rational. Justice does not equate to indifference. It's a way to avoid the confrontation and suppress the issues at hand. The OP/BS/WS meeting shouldnt be about therapy. It should be about HONESTY Then if the other perspective will sink in under rational conditions, then they should be given some thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 People deal with things differently...not everyone deals with things in an "in your face" way...it's all individualized...just because someone deals with emotions differently than you, doesn't mean they're pretending... Repression is good for some people, isn't it? I suspect you're not interested in having an honest discussion with your MM and his wife... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 The OP/BS/WS meeting shouldnt be about therapy. It should be about HONESTY Then if the other perspective will sink in under rational conditions, then they should be given some thought. I will disagree to an extent. Honesty is therapeutic. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I will disagree to an extent. Honesty is therapeutic. yes it is when given without emotion Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Repression is good for some people, isn't it? I suspect you're not interested in having an honest discussion with your MM and his wife... As bitterness is for others... I frequently have honest discussions with him, thank you so much for your concern...However, their M is not my business and is between the two of them...Whether they choose to be honest with one another or not is not my business as I'm not their mediator... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 yes it is when given without emotion You can't separate honesty from emotion. An affair is all about emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Me neither. I hated being his dark little secret. Hated being the OW. It didn't suit me. I would relish a chance to finally air everything out. Somehow I don't think he would enjoy it much. Oh well.... Onward and upward. I was ex-MM's "dirty little secret", that's what I called it....also "the side deal".... I have never been so humiliated, devasted and abused as I have in this one. Am sooo glad this lie is over and done with... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 As bitterness is for others... I frequently have honest discussions with him, thank you so much for your concern...However, their M is not my business and is between the two of them...Whether they choose to be honest with one another or not is not my business as I'm not their mediator... You are not removed from the situation. You are the situation. To remove yourself from the situation is tantamount to cowardice. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 You can't separate honesty from emotion. An affair is all about emotion. But if you let emotions rule instead of logic and clear thinking you just run in circles chasing your tail. Emotions will bury the truth and blur your vision Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 You are not removed from the situation. You are the situation. To remove yourself from the situation is tantamount to cowardice. To consider ME the situation is tantamount to denial... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 But if you let emotions rule instead of logic and clear thinking you just run in circles chasing your tail. Emotions will bury the truth and blur your vision Emotions can help you find the truth. Negative and positive emotions are part of being human. You can get them to help your direction. Strong desire to make a difference in the world or to be the best at your job have created miraculous events. You just have to learn to channel them properly. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Emotions can help you find the truth. Negative and positive emotions are part of being human. You can get them to help your direction. Strong desire to make a difference in the world or to be the best at your job have created miraculous events. You just have to learn to channel them properly. and in this situation, in most affairs, do you think that having an emotionally chaged meeting with the OP would be a positive channel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 To consider ME the situation is tantamount to denial... lol, touche... But I still think you're a coward. Damn I hate this sixty second post rule... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 and in this situation, in most affairs, do you think that having an emotionally chaged meeting with the OP would be a positive channel? Yes, very much so. It would be like phoenix rising from the ashes. If a relationship can survive a trial by fire, it can survive almost anything. Now which relationship will survive is the question. To me the risk is worth the return. It's all about a level playing field. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 lol, touche... But I still think you're a coward. Damn I hate this sixty second post rule... And I don't care what you think about me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 And I don't care what you think about me... And back atcha' babe. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Yes, very much so. It would be like phoenix rising from the ashes. If a relationship can survive a trial by fire, it can survive almost anything. Now which relationship will survive is the question. To me the risk is worth the return. It's all about a level playing field. You have a point on which relationship. I still stand by the logical response though. An emotional response plays INTO the lies to much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 You have a point on which relationship. I still stand by the logical response though. An emotional response plays INTO the lies to much. I guess it depends on the participants and how strongly they value which party. If the MM/MW prefers their relationship with the OW/OM, they will side with them. If otherwise, they will side with their spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I'm getting over this thing much faster because I got the opportunity to my have it out with the OW and was able to empower myself with due knowledge. Hey TBF....need your opinion on this. What do you think about continued BW....a BW who has caught MM on a number of occasions. Then when I write ex-MM an email saying to leave me alone after 3+ mo of NC and the idiot is calling me 30+ times per day (this is stated in email)....so ex-MM leaves this email up on pc "accidentally"....oh and guess who finds it ...WIFE! I find out she has known about me....so then she manipulates kids to harrass me (which wasn't real bright....kids are in some big trouble....they put a myspace page up in their dads name and revealed some stuff about me that they really shouldn't have...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Hey TBF....need your opinion on this. What do you think about continued BW....a BW who has caught MM on a number of occasions. Then when I write ex-MM an email saying to leave me alone after 3+ mo of NC and the idiot is calling me 30+ times per day (this is stated in email)....so ex-MM leaves this email up on pc "accidentally"....oh and guess who finds it ...WIFE! I find out she has known about me....so then she manipulates kids to harrass me (which wasn't real bright....kids are in some big trouble....they put a myspace page up in their dads name and revealed some stuff about me that they really shouldn't have...) pureheart, yes, I dropped the "in" on purpose , I would say she needs some serious psychiatric help... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I guess it depends on the participants and how strongly they value which party. If the MM/MW prefers their relationship with the OW/OM, they will side with them. If otherwise, they will side with their spouse. Or, it can play into the lies he has told the OP and he STILL gets both. Puts on a show for BS, lets OP see BS lose their cool Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 pureheart, yes, I dropped the "in" on purpose , I would say she needs some serious psychiatric help... They ALL do Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Or, it can play into the lies he has told the OP and he STILL gets both. Puts on a show for BS, lets OP see BS lose their cool If they're all together, it's up to all parties to keep their cool, with emotions properly channelled to express their perspectives. Btw, I'm the OP and the betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
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