To all BW/BH...

[Trialbyfire]

Sit downs with all three parties can't do anything but bring out the truth. Was he not present at it?

[puddleofmud]

Raw emotion isn't rational but very therapeutic. The other perspective will sink in when thoughts are rational.

 

Justice does not equate to indifference. It's a way to avoid the confrontation and suppress the issues at hand.

 

I agree as I did not mean at all that justice is indifferent--what would be just for ME would be for me to (finally) feel indifferent.

 

However, one cannot force justice--that is universal and comes on its own. Even murderers and rapists seemingly escape when even it seems justice would be served.

There is a higher form of justice and believing so is not at ALL an excuse to suppress. Often things turn out "better" than if we had our little human hands in the middle of things. Justice is not blind, it is severe!

[Trialbyfire]

I agree as I did not mean at all that justice is indifferent--what would be just for ME would be for me to (finally) feel indifferent.

 

However, one cannot force justice--that is universal and comes on its own. Even murderers and rapists seemingly escape when even it seems justice would be served.

There is a higher form of justice and believing so is not at ALL an excuse to suppress. Often things turn out "better" than if we had our little human hands in the middle of things. Justice is not blind, it is severe!

Sometimes higher justice needs helping hands to apply it. He moves in strange way.

[movinon05]

Sometimes higher justice needs helping hands to apply it. He moves in strange way.

 

Hey, you know, I don't know what your story is, or which side of the fence you've been on, if any, but do you really feel "justice" needs to be handed down by all means? Not accusing you or anything, I'm just trying to figure out where your head is at. Are you in this situation or have you been?

 

Personally, I think detaching and living well is the higher road to take and also the most satisfying. But that's JMHO.

[Trialbyfire]

Hey, you know, I don't know what your story is, or which side of the fence you've been on, if any, but do you really feel "justice" needs to be handed down by all means? Not accusing you or anything, I'm just trying to figure out where your head is at. Are you in this situation or have you been?

 

Personally, I think detaching and living well is the higher road to take and also the most satisfying. But that's JMHO.

I've never been on the OW side of the fence and can honestly say that I never will be. I do feel that justice needs to be served but there is a limit to how far to go.

 

I'm a firm believer of getting rid of anger and non-suppression. Living the higher road will only work after you've vented. Also, if you allow the MM/MW to get away with a dishonest relationship, no one learns anything except hate and pain. JMHO.

[Freedom Now]

Be careful, Trialbyfire. I said that I would never be an OW. Sometimes, as in my case, you get lied to and find yourself an OW without your knowledge.

 

Never say never.

[Trialbyfire]

Freedom, I understand where you're coming from but this is one thing I do know for certain, even more so than ever before. I've had more than my fair share of getting involved in affairs. It's the norm within the industry that I work in. I've always shut things down if it threatened my existing relationship emotionally or physically. This won't change. I'm not twenty-something so I'm no youngun'. Since experiencing this triangle, I can and will guarantee that it will never happen to me.

 

*edit - had more than my fair share of opportunities to get involved in affairs, lol.

[Freedom Now]

I am no young thing myself and I, too, have been exposed to affairs in my life. I said I would NEVER be an OW. And I thought I wasn't. There were absolutely NO red flags for me. NONE. And I work in an industry where infidelity runs rampant. I see it everyday in my job. I know the signs....

 

I hope that I will have the wherewithall to spot a cheater on sight, but I thought I had that before meeting my MM. Some of these men come in awfully pretty packages. My MM had his seduction down to perfection.

 

I would like to say with absolute certainty that I will NEVER be an OW again, and God willing, I won't.

 

I am just saying that sometimes you don't KNOW it when you are....

[Trialbyfire]

Agreed. Some of these men/women are consumate liars. Btw, I won't date anyone until I've known them for years.

[Freedom Now]

Good plan. I am starting to feel the same way.

[puddleofmud]

Sometimes higher justice needs helping hands to apply it. He moves in strange way.

 

I respectfully disagree. I am talking about purity because true justice is FAIR and based on universal truths not human desire. It will happen and all one need do is sit back and quietly wait and watch.

What goes around comes around and it may take a loooong time--and we may never know anything about it, nor have to lift a finger for it to happen. But it will. Have no doubt it will.

[Trialbyfire]

I respectfully disagree. I am talking about purity because true justice is FAIR and based on universal truths not human desire. It will happen and all one need do is sit back and quietly wait and watch.

What goes around comes around and it may take a loooong time--and we may never know anything about it, nor have to lift a finger for it to happen. But it will. Have no doubt it will.

In the old testament, it was an eye for an eye. That He made a new covenant with human kind, still included a "thou shalt not".

 

Btw, I've fallen away from organized religion although I was raised with it.

[movinon05]

I've never been on the OW side of the fence and can honestly say that I never will be. I do feel that justice needs to be served but there is a limit to how far to go.

 

I'm a firm believer of getting rid of anger and non-suppression. Living the higher road will only work after you've vented. Also, if you allow the MM/MW to get away with a dishonest relationship, no one learns anything except hate and pain. JMHO.

 

Well there were many times I wanted to vent and didn't. But I also feel that was partly because of the person I was. I'm not that way anymore. But I am also a different person because I was able to move on. I just did it on my own terms and what felt comfortable to me. I did take the higher road and did not vent. That bothered me sometimes, but not anymore.

 

And really, what purpose would it serve now to try to right a wrong in my situation? I've righted my wrongs with the people who matter to me the most. Me and my kids.

 

I'm not concerned with what MM or BS has learned. I can only take care of me and my own.

[Trialbyfire]

Well there were many times I wanted to vent and didn't. But I also feel that was partly because of the person I was. I'm not that way anymore. But I am also a different person because I was able to move on. I just did it on my own terms and what felt comfortable to me. I did take the higher road and did not vent. That bothered me sometimes, but not anymore.

 

And really, what purpose would it serve now to try to right a wrong in my situation? I've righted my wrongs with the people who matter to me the most. Me and my kids.

 

I'm not concerned with what MM or BS has learned. I can only take care of me and my own.

Your situation has ceased to exist for two years although I suspect you're still working through issues with yourself and your relationship with your children. It is too late now to do anything about it. If you had addressed it earlier, you might not be where you are now, whether from a positive or negative perspective. You've learned something from this. Did the MM or the wife learn anything?

[Freedom Now]

Are you a proponent, Trialbyfire, in telling the BS in every situation?

 

I am curious because I had my chance to tell her the truth but I was so shell shocked, I covered the affair.

 

It has been 9 months since D-day. Why beat a dead horse now?

 

Now, if she contacted ME asking for the truth, I would give it gladly. But, I would no voluntarily contact her to stir up a hornet's nest even though she deserves the truth.

 

It isn't my problem. Right?

[movinon05]

Your situation has ceased to exist for two years although I suspect you're still working through issues with yourself and your relationship with your children. It is too late now to do anything about it. If you had addressed it earlier, you might not be where you are now, whether from a positive or negative perspective. You've learned something from this. Did the MM or the wife learn anything?

 

Well ya know, my kids and I are great. No issues here. They've forgiven me and we couldn't be closer. Whether I addressed it back then or not would have only been for my own grappling with my emotions and maybe exacting revenge. But that's neither here nor there now.

 

What did MM and W learn? Somehow, I doubt they learned anything. Cause I suspect he's doing it again. And I really don't care because its not my problem. I actually feel sorry for the woman. And I mean that truthfully.

[Trialbyfire]

Well ya know, my kids and I are great. No issues here. They've forgiven me and we couldn't be closer. Whether I addressed it back then or not would have only been for my own grappling with my emotions and maybe exacting revenge. But that's neither here nor there now.

 

What did MM and W learn? Somehow, I doubt they learned anything. Cause I suspect he's doing it again. And I really don't care because its not my problem. I actually feel sorry for the woman. And I mean that truthfully.

Good. Nothing should come between a mother and her children unless she's only a birth mother.

 

In my situation, everyone learned something. For the other two, they learned that it wasn't all fun and games and that there were consequences to their actions. For me, I learned that I am strong enough to continue on and a number of other things about myself, some positive, some not. Here are some lyrics which can be applied towards understanding both betrayed spouse and in some cases, OW side:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=4]Sick Cycle Carousel

[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine

If it had a home would it be my eyes

Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this

Well here we go one more time

 

I tried to climb your steps

I tried to chase you down

I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground

I tried to earn my way

I tried to change this mind

You better believe that I tried to beat this

 

So when will this end

It goes on and on

And over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop

Till I step down from this for good

 

I never thought I’d end up here

I never thought I’d be standing where I am

I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this

I guess I was wrong now one more time

Cause I tried to climb your steps

I tried to chase you down

I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground

I tried to earn my way

I tried to change this mind

You better believe that I tried to beat this,

 

So when will this end

It goes on and on

And over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop

Till I step down from this

 

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah

Sick cycle carousel

This is a sick cycle yeah

 

So when will this end

It goes on and on

And over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop

Till I step down from this for good

When will this end

It goes on and on

And over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop

Till I step down from this for good

 

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel

Sick cycle carousel [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Freedom Now]

Great lyrics. Who sings it?

[Trialbyfire]

Lifehouse.

[puddleofmud]

In the old testament, it was an eye for an eye. That He made a new covenant with human kind, still included a "thou shalt not".

 

Btw, I've fallen away from organized religion although I was raised with it.

 

I was by no means refering to ANY organized religion nor written text. I am of an extraordinarily old culture and retain that which is an Indigenous Spirituality. I do not express this other than to let others know that I would not DARE impose my Spritual beliefs upon another!

[NoIDidn't]

Puddle,

 

I do follow an organized religion, but could not agree with you more. It might have something to do with the Native American blood in my fam, or just that I interpret the Spiritual readings of my religion a little different than most.

 

I don't do revenge. And justice, is what we will all get in the end anyway.

[Trialbyfire]

It can be viewed as revenge or valuable life lessons.

 

If a ten year-old child came and destroyed the flowers in a beautiful garden it took months for you to create, would you walk away, taking the high road and not say a word or would you stop them or ensure that his/her parents knew about it? Keep in mind that a ten year-old child knows better.

 

If someone broke into your home and you knew who it was, would you allow final justice to take place upon death or would you call the police and tell them about it, thus ensuring that person was prosecuted and sentenced to a jail term?

[GreenEyedLady]

There is a big difference between a 10 year old child and an adult...I'm sure you would agree...life experience distinguishes the two...

 

Your idea of a life lesson may be different than someone else's...whether you look at it is a life lesson or revenge is definitely your perogative...

 

The tone of your posts is that you seem to want someone to PAY...I'm surprised that you haven't already realized that the people involved pay everyday...

[Trialbyfire]

Actually, a ten year-old child is aware of right and wrong in simplistic terms like the destruction of property.

 

You also fail to mention the burglar. Let me guess, he has social issues therefore is exempt.

 

Action and consequences. Valuable life lessons or revenge. You pick the spin but the end result is the same.

[GreenEyedLady]

Action and consequences. Valuable life lessons or revenge. You pick the spin but the end result is the same.

 

No the end result is not the same...you can choose to be bitter about experiences or you can choose to learn from them and move on...