ju99alo Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 My fiancee and I got into a argument last Thursday. We have been together almost four years. She moved across the country from Las Vegas to Chicago so we could be together. So Friday morning she takes a plane home to Vegas and next time I hear from her she says "oh you have been so good to me, I could never find anyone who treated me like you but i'm confused with my feelings. "i think i want to see other people" If i'm so great why wouldn't she want to stay with me? could this be just anger talking? She was always the aggressive one in our relationship as far as feelings. A.E. making me promise her i would never leave her. Is this something that can be worked out in counseling? BTW i'm 23 she is 20. any feedback would help thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Aloros Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 She means what she says. She's confused about her feelings and wants to see other people. It's rough in a first relationship, especially a young one, for a person to know they're with the right person. How can you know when you have nothing to compare it to? And also, when you're young, it's so difficult to figure out exactly what you want. She's 20, and that's very young to bind your life to someone else's. She probably sees the single lifestyle of her peers and maybe feels a bit envious. By all means, suggest counseling, but don't pin your hopes on it. Sometimes you have to find out for yourself. She says she could never find someone who treats her the way you do, but she doesn't know that, and I'm sure she's aware of this, even as she says it. I dated my first boyfriend for five and a half years. I thought I would marry him. Towards the end, I started to feel that urge to see other people. We had our differences, but I still thought he was the best for me, that I'd never find someone like him. I met someone else and now I wonder at how naive I was. Being apart from my first bf forced me to consider what I wanted in a man, and then when I found someone who embodied those qualities, I knew I'd found someone who was a better match for me than my ex ever could have been, though we'd tried and tried to make it work (even couples counseling). I'm not saying your relationship will pan out this way, but do give her space if she wants it. She needs to figure out exactly what she wants in a life partner, and whether or not you meet those expectations. I wish you the best of luck, but I also want to warn you that you may be in for a world of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 She's already seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I'm not saying your relationship will pan out this way, but do give her space if she wants it. She needs to figure out exactly what she wants in a life partner, and whether or not you meet those expectations. I wish you the best of luck, but I also want to warn you that you may be in for a world of hurt. Yep. Let her go if she wants to go. I dated my ex for 7 years as well, he was my first bf- he broke up with me a year ago because he got the itch. It's been a mess ever since, and I am currently dating someone new- who I would have never met if my ex hadn't dumped me. I'll be 23 in nearly a month, so I am young like you are. Things change, and we all need to go along with the changes throughout our lives. We all need to forgo break ups and continue dating around until we find who we want to be with. That's life. You can come here for support if you need to talk about it, because it's really tough when you've been with your first love for so long. I've been there, and LS has really helped me out. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 She's already seeing someone else. Eeeek. I have to agree... or at least, she's already got someone specific in mind. The reason I say this is because I'm planning on saying the very same thing to the guy I'm SUPPOSED to be exclusively dating...just as soon as we actually talk. Blech. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 She's already seeing someone else. Yeah it sounds like she has someone else in mind. To the OP it means what she said BUT if she doesn't have anyone else in mind it's possible to work through this. You didn't really say why she said that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I think she's either met someone who she wants to get to know abit better, or she needs to date others before settling down. Talk to her and ask her to be honest with you. don't settle for anything less. Link to post Share on other sites
Scbeauty09 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 ~Well Just like everybody else is saying she obviously is seeing someone or has strong feelings for them and she doesnt know wat to do so seeing other people well hopefully help her to decide and I know that you love her and all but I truely think that you gotta respect her for that because even though you love her and its gonna be hard for you to see her with other people but thats something you gotta respect~ Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Everytime I've ever heard those words, "See other people," the person was already seeing someone else. No matter how serious the relationship is, when someone makes the choice to see other people, it means you are not special to them anymore. You might as well stop referring to her as your fiance. Seeing other people means that you two are just friends. After a period of time passes, if she doesn't find anyone better, or if the guy she is seeing disappoints her; she will come running back to you. Go out and "see other people," too. Hopefully, you will find someone better. But if you don't, then you can decide rather you want to take her back, if she's unsuccessful with other men. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Everytime I've ever heard those words, "See other people," the person was already seeing someone else. Also the phrases: "I love but I'm not in love with you" "I need my space" "It's not you it's me" "You deserve someone better" "We've grown apart" "Call for seperation to work out things" usually implies an outside party calling their attention. Although there may be a small percentage that don't necessarily fall into to this category, I believe most do. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 My boyfriend is doing the same thing to me. He tells me he is going to come back and me truly loving him I am going to wait for him. It will hurt alot but love is about sacrifice. He will see this, and prove to himself that there is noone better than me and come back. We are still friends and Im supporting and helping him Link to post Share on other sites
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