chryssy83 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I'm the dumpee here. But during the night sometimes I have dreams that he comes back...but instead of exchanging "I love yous" and being all happy like we've been in reality before when getting back together, I always say I won't get back with him. Why would that be? I think I want to get back with him...even though I have been thinking more and more about the reasons that maybe I shouldn't. He broke up with me maybe 8 times in 3.5 years. I'm tired of this...I don't want drama. One reason I got with him to begin with was because it was so easy to be with him...I didn't feel like we were playing games. But the breaking up and crying and getting back together roller coaster is no fun. We have only broken up once after a fight (and I did it). When he breaks up with me, it's always just this "I've been thinking, and..." thing. But he's never come back and had me turn him down. Why am I dreaming about telling him no all the time?
whispervale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 chryssy, Sometimes a dream is just a dream. But, maybe it's your way of wishing inside that he could feel the way you feel? Breaking up is a huge blow because it's all about rejection and no one likes to be rejected. Dreams (at least, the ones you remember) can be useful sometimes because they let you search your feelings and help sort out who you are and what you want. I have the occasional nightmare (I wouldn't call them dreams...) about my ex being with someone else, which is really hard to bear in the middle of the night. The only thing I can do is remind myself that I could never be with someone who couldn't commit to me, even after such a long time. Maybe you can look at your dreams as part of the recovery process - they're your chance to say the things you want to say on your own terms.
notmakingsense Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 chryssy, You are probably getting sick of me responding to your threads! I think your dreams are obvious -- it is your subconscious telling you what it wishes you could have done all along. You are in the victim role most often, and your ex-bf has the power again. Telling him "no" would have helped with your self-esteem, which is what your dreams are telling you you need to focus on now. Find other ways to boost your self-esteem, and don't look back on this guy -- except as a lesson on what not to do again in the future.
Author chryssy83 Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 Haha...I'm not tired of you responding to my threads! You are apparently my new best friend. This just sucks so badly...
Trialbyfire Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 None of us can help our feelings for other people. If you love them enough, you find that you lose the ability to say no. Too bad it's also not good for you to be that way. I agree that it's a dream about control. Time to take it back. It doesn't have to be done in a not nice way. Sit down with him and really, really talk. Tell him he's eroding on you as a person and that you can't live like this anymore. Make him understand that this game of break-up/make-up has to stop. He has to define what he wants and so do you. Keep in mind that once you lay it out like that, you also have to be strong enough to carry it through. Good luck.
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