confucious Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Awhile back me and the GF of 6 months were fighting...near the end of it I suggested taking a breaK for a week or so - she asked why, I said to get perspective to which she said she didn't need perspective and any "break" would be permanent. A week ago we faught, I blew up at her and did not contact for 2 1/2 days. When we finally did talk she said she needed a break. I said okay, but asked howcome we could have a break NOW but before when I suggested it, it was a situation of no break or we break-up for good. She replied to this that she "Thought I was only trying to have a 'break' to make her miss me". Is this a pompous statement/attitude on her part?? Does this disregard my ideas/thoughts on our relationship by giving them little or no meaning beyond them being petty ploys?? How would you all take a statement like this??? Thanks for your input...
lindya Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 She replied to this that she "Thought I was only trying to have a 'break' to make her miss me". Is this a pompous statement/attitude on her part?? Does this disregard my ideas/thoughts on our relationship by giving them little or no meaning beyond them being petty ploys?? How would you all take a statement like this??? Thanks for your input... I'd tend to think that if she attributed that motive to you, then perhaps something similar is driving her decision to now want a "break".
Author confucious Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 Here is a perspective I had not seen....maybe it is the case. She is a hard shelled girl, though I know I must have hurt her by fighting and then NC for 2 1/2 days.
Walk Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I don't quite understand. What I read is that you told her a while ago that a "break" (week of no contact) would give perspective on the argument. She said she didn't need a better perspective and would rather end it then take the break. Then there's another argument in which you force a break on her by going no contact for almost 3 days. (you forced the "break" on her without comprising) Now you're upset that she's suggesting a break? You didn't honor her request not to take the break in the first place. You're upset that she's giving in to what you wanted in the first place. I don't quite understand your thinking on this.... Plus, you're jumping on the idea that she's using this as a manipulative ploy to hurt you or something. If you want the relationship to be over for good, then feel free to jump on that band wagon. Chances are higher though that she's frustrated by the lack of communication, lack of seemingly getting anywhere with arguing, and losing hope for any kind of happy ending. So she's grasping at straws, and one of those is the idea of a "break" that you suggested at one time. Why are you two arguing so much? It seems like the both of you are pretty convinced its the other persons fault, and they should do the bending. Just curious what is causing such big arguments that both of you would resort to potentially ending the relationship over having a rational discussion about the problems.
gfto Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Awhile back me and the GF of 6 months were fighting...near the end of it I suggested taking a breaK for a week or so - she asked why, I said to get perspective to which she said she didn't need perspective and any "break" would be permanent. She knew you were bluffing. She saw right through it. By that time, she already knew she was finished with you, but she wanted to be the dumper. Which brings us to the next part of the story....... A week ago we faught, I blew up at her and did not contact for 2 1/2 days. When we finally did talk she said she needed a break. I said okay, but asked howcome we could have a break NOW but before when I suggested it, it was a situation of no break or we break-up for good. Again, because she was going to do the dumping; not you. I know what you were trying to do by suggesting a break. You wanted to make her miss you. It might have worked if she was still interested in you, but she had already lost interest in you. So, when you suggested a break, it tweaked her ego. She cleverly reeled you back in so that SHE could be the happy dumper.
Ariadne Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 She replied to this that she "Thought I was only trying to have a 'break' to make her miss me". I think she was probably being honest. Ariadne
alphamale Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 How would you all take a statement like this???... say the same thing to her that she said to you earlier....that any break would be permanent. Then stick to your guns.
Walk Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 She knew you were bluffing. She saw right through it. By that time, she already knew she was finished with you, but she wanted to be the dumper. Which brings us to the next part of the story....... That's jumping to conclusions and making wild assumptions. You have no idea. It sounded to me that she didn't want it because she did want the relationship to work. I don't know about you, but I've never heard of a "break" really working. It's usually a pathetic means of breaking up without actually saying it. Again, because she was going to do the dumping; not you. I know what you were trying to do by suggesting a break. You wanted to make her miss you. It might have worked if she was still interested in you, but she had already lost interest in you. So, when you suggested a break, it tweaked her ego. She cleverly reeled you back in so that SHE could be the happy dumper. Again, how do you know this? How do you know she'd already lost interest. I think if she really had lost interest she would've jumped on the idea of a break. Plus, she still held complete power to trump his "break" by later asking for an offical end at any point. She still had all the power she wanted to take. Or hell, she could've just said she wanted to end the relationship right then, bypass the long drawn out fights and anger and gone straight into living her life on her own. If that's what she had wanted all along, then why wouldn't she do it right then? You're trying to say she pre-planned all this? Had a detailed outline of steps of action to gain power and control? And I think we give people far more credit then we should. You said she "cleverly reeled" the guy back in. Ha. I wish I had been so deviously cunning in my past. Usually I was just confused, frustrated and upset. Never clever, never cunning. Although, I suppose someone could've interpreted it that way if they attributed bad intentions to my actions. But they would've been dead wrong about it.
gfto Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 I've seen this happen. Although our OP wasn't specific, it looks like it was only a matter of weeks, if not days, between the time he suggested a break and the time she suggested a break. I doubt very seriously that she went from wanting the relationship to work to dumping him in that short of a time frame. Plus, constant fighting is usually a symptom of declining interest.
Walk Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Plus, constant fighting is usually a symptom of declining interest. Actually kind of an interesting question. Does loss of interest cause the fighting, or fighting cause the lack of interest? In my past, it was the constant fighting that caused me to lose interest. I've had times where, although we were arguing, I still wanted to work on the relationship badly, and a couple weeks down the road, I was over the fighting and suggesting we completely end the relationship. One lead to the other, but I think I was backwards from what you proposed. I lost interest due to the fighting. Not fighting because of the lack of interest... but I know that's not always the case, and you do have a valid point in what you're saying. I just wouldn't want to pump wrong ideas into the OP's head if there isn't any evidence she's wanted out for a long while.
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