whispervale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 ...like going nuts if you're alone? Ever since I broke up with my ex six months ago, I have been spending as much time as I can with friends, keeping busy and trying to do all of the things I find fun. I'm pretty sure that I spend more time with my friends and family than I ever have, which is great in a sense. It's just the time by myself that drives me up the wall. Almost inevitably, I start thinking about her and have to find some way to keep my mind off of her. I'm starting to think that maybe it's a little unhealthy and that I can't always be with other people. Prior to breaking up, I was all right with just having some quiet time but now it seems unbearable at times.
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 The quiet times are the best times to replay the internal tape inside our heads. Seems uncontrollable at times. Even at night when I am trying to go to sleep, my mind races with thoughts. Some about my X, some about just day stuff, some abou...well, you get the idea. It's impossible to shut it off. I have to keep my mind occupied in order to not dwell on stuff. Like, having the Tv on as filler noise as I am going to sleep. Also, I don't think it's nuts. I think it's a very normal thing. Just gotta keep busy. When I first broke up with my X and started living alone again...I bought one of those nature sounds tapes and played it every night to help me sleep. Talk about relaxing!!
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Seems uncontrollable at times. Even at night when I am trying to go to sleep, my mind races with thoughts. !! yea thats the worst isn't it? especially when you did or said something stupid earlier in the day
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 yea thats the worst isn't it? especially when you did or said something stupid earlier in the day Speaking from experience?
cecil brown Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I understand exactly what you are saying. I drive myself crazy thinking about her during my alone times. When I feel myself getting like that I try to just get up and leave the house, go for a drive, do something to keep my mind off her. It's definitely tough. My problem is for 2 years, she was my life. I put too much effort into her and not enough effort into myself. Now that she's gone, I have to re-learn how to be happy with myself. Sucks, but it's a good lesson to learn. In my next relationship, I'll take better care of myself because of this.
Author whispervale Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 I totally agree with keeping busy. Good to know it's not me being quirky again. cecil - I see where you're coming from, especially since I invested my all into this relationship. I honestly thought we were going to get married one of these days (the plan had always been to wait until we had both finished school and gotten our careers on track). Being with my ex made me happy too, but I think I've come to the realization that you can't base your happiness on someone else (at least, not completely!) lest they pull the rug out from under you...
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 It's definitely tough. My problem is for 2 years, she was my life. never make any woman your entire life...you'll always be disappointed
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 never make any woman your entire life...you'll always be disappointed I'll have to agree with alpha on that one.
cecil brown Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 never make any woman your entire life...you'll always be disappointed Good way to put it. I definitely learned my lesson the hard way, but it opened my eyes and will make me a better man.
JCD Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 For a while you want to be alone and think about her and reflect back. That's normal. After couple of months you'll get tired from this. You'll still feel something for her but not as deeply as you did. You'll begin to accept your fate and will slowly start to move on. Then you'll meet someone unique and will fall in love again. If you hang around your ex it will make this whole process prolonged and harder. Also, don't hope that she will come back to you because that will also postpone your healing.
Mazellan Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I just watched episode 1 series 3 of The L Word - Alice says "I'm getting better, It's been 47 minutes since I last thought of Dana". Boy, do I ever know what that's like! Thought Stopping: http://www.coping.org/selfesteem/lifestyle/stop.htm I read about this technique in "How to fall out of love" by Dr. Debora Phillips Read Eckhart Tolle "The Power of Now", it's basically about living 'now' and not thinking about the past (or the future). It's great in theory, but hard to keep doing. But definitely worth trying. http://www.eckharttolle.com/ Also, download some relaxation and hypnosis mp3s and listen on an mp3 player as you go to sleep. This has been my saviour. I would recommend anything by Paul Scheele. http://www.toolsforwellness.com/paraliminal.html
D-Lish Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 never make any woman your entire life...you'll always be disappointed Hey now... Never make ANYONE your entire life- woman, man, cat, whatever. It sounds romantic to "lose" yourself in someone else... but it's really not. The best lesson I have ever learned is how to be "alone" without being lonley. I sort of have to relearn that lesson after each break up- but it's an empowering feeling. It's great to surround yourself with people after a break up- it helps you to take your mind off things. When you're ready, you'll shift back into wanting a little alone time. Use your friends and family as much as you can at this point!
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 "never make any woman your entire life...you'll always be disappointed" I totally agree. If you make someone your entire life, that is what they will take away when they leave you. You will break out of this habit of not wanting to be alone. You are still in the semi-begginning phase of the break up. It has been a year and half since my break up and I love being alone. I have never been alone this much before and think it will be benefit me in my next relationship. Best Wishes
Author whispervale Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 I think you can have too much alone time during the holidays though. Boxing Day, so nothing is open and no one is around - trying to look for things to do. Gotta keep moving. I agree with what you've all said though! How's that go? "Can't sleep... clown'll eat me!"
fooled Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I agree with D-Lish on this - especially about the cats.
Krying Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 You know when it works, putting a person before yourself is the real meaning of love isn't it. I mean that's what mothers do with their newborns. Their child is their life and nothing else, even husbands and so on, are going to get in the way. When it doesn't work, no doubt it hurts a lot more than if you had kept a little of yourself back. Despite what happened to me, I still believe you need to give your all in relationships and love. Why hold back out of fear of pain down the line, when it might be successful. The act of holding back out of fear of being left or losing your love, could in fact be a catalyst in that which you fear actually happening.
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